A 5th?

No one can decide that for you except yourself. Many people think 2 or 3 is enough, but if 5 feels right for you, then that's good too. Follow your gut feeling and decide together with your husband. I understand your fear about having a positive pregnancy test. I haven't gone through the same thing as you, but I did have a miscarriage at 11 weeks, and my husband was especially afraid about what would happen if it happened again with a future pregnancy. Luckily, it went well, and we now have a healthy son and daughter. My husband is also afraid that if we ever went for a third child, we might be "doing" something to our children if the baby turned out to be severely disabled or something like that. There are a lot of considerations to make, but ultimately, you should do what feels right for you. Yes, you're taking a risk because every pregnancy or child can come with challenges, but luckily, things go right much more often than they go wrong (even though you've already had two pretty tough ones). Follow your gut, heart, and mind. I'd also love to have a big family someday, but I don't think my husband ever wants more than 3, haha.

Hi,
I’d follow your feelings and definitely not think negatively. Besides, everything happens for a reason.
What others say isn’t that important—you know yourself and your family best.
Going from 4 to 5 kids doesn’t feel like a huge difference to me (speaking from experience). I have 5 kids myself, and we’re going for a sixth now.

I personally think, please don't take this the wrong way, that having 4 healthy, happy kids is already a huge blessing. The fact that it's possible to have one more doesn't mean you have to. I personally think it's very important that each child gets one-on-one attention and has space and privacy (their own bedroom). I personally find it very short-sighted when people say "if you can feed 4, you can feed 5." You have the practical things, the care, but you also have the upbringing and dividing attention. Just ask someone from a large family how they felt about it; I've spoken to a few people who said they didn't like it that mom and dad were always too busy for one-on-one attention. Always used clothes and toys from the older siblings. Plus, with so many kids, there's a higher chance that one of them has an issue or will get one later/have an accident. It's also something people with large families often say, that they've lost one. I've experienced that myself, my condolences. And if you look at it from a bigger perspective, the planet is going to hell due to overpopulation, more houses need to be built, and foreigners/refugees keep coming and are also from large families (not meant in a racist way!). Try taking 4 kids out for a day or on vacation, or even to the fair, it's priceless. I myself have "only" 1 kid, we've been trying for a second one for a year, but we'll just have to hope if it's still granted to us. But I find 1 kid already intense; many things are much harder with small kids, like going out to eat or doing sports. During the week during the day you can't, and by the time they're in bed at night it's already 8 PM and you're exhausted. Sounds like an excuse. But I usually sit in the evening staring into space until I'm allowed to go to bed haha, with 1 kid! But well, obviously you have to decide for yourself. I'm chronically surrounded by friends who ask me for advice and then do the opposite anyway so hihi.

I mainly meant in general, not specifically your situation. Okay, well, I obviously didn't know that you have 6 bedrooms and that everything is super balanced for you. But hey, why ask if you've already made up your mind? I'm guilty of that too. I ask first, hoping someone will say something I hadn't thought of. In the end, I usually do what I want anyway; I just look for someone else's approval.

Thanks for hoping we're blessed with a 2nd one. I also think a 2nd is easier because you're already used to it, but I've read 2 books about "your 2nd child" and apparently, that's a myth. A new baby has their own personality, and even the pregnancy can go very differently, etc. But I do think I wouldn't panic as quickly if the baby cries or falls, and you don't have to search for which diapers or onesies work best anymore; you've already tried everything with the 1st one, hahaha And by then, our 1st would be in school, which seems ideal; you can divide your attention and time well. Only the fact that they'll have less in common when playing because of the age gap is a bit of a pity. But then again, they won't fight over toys and stuff either.

Also, they say you shouldn't let others' opinions get to you. I do that too; I care what others think. In most cases, people don't say it to hurt, and I do think about it. If I flip it, I sometimes see people doing things completely wrong, in my opinion, but if you comment unsolicited, you get the wind in your face, because nowadays we only do what we want. I think you can always consider whether someone is trying to warn you.

For example, if I wear a sweater and 4 people say "what an ugly washed-out sweater," I won't insist it looks amazing, hehe. But on the other hand, my husband is a bit older, and so far, 3 different people have told me "I'd keep it as is; only children aren't pitiful, an older father is pitiful, even for himself, with all the noise, etc." And this comes from people who are either single themselves or have 3 kids, you know. I find it unbelievable that someone would dare say that. My friends' husbands, who are my husband's age, are too busy gaming, sports, and man nights (not all of them, of course), and I have friends whose child's father isn't even in the picture, and yet they criticize me for having an older man. By older, I don't mean 60, but not 40 either, hehe.

My husband is super nice with our son and says he actually has more time and peace now than when he was 22 and had 2 kids with his ex. He says "back then I was never home and always busy, not involved at all." My husband runs past me at night when our son cries or when he (during the day) falls. He's a super cool dad, and the fact that he's a bit older, well. Being older doesn't mean being old-fashioned. Anyway, I'm drifting off, hehe.

I meant that you don't always have to do what others think. If I used to argue with my husband, I'd sometimes talk about it with friends. Now, others know how to tell you: you shouldn't accept it, you should give an ultimatum, stand your ground, blah blah, and they themselves have a relationship where everything is wrong or they're divorced! Yes, in that sense, others always have a nice opinion. Not that I was judging your situation Anyway. Greetings and have a nice day.

I have to admit I found the second one a lot more intense than the first one haha. With the first, you just have that baby and you can do everything for them. Just one little one to cuddle etc. The second one has a whole different manual, cried a lot the first 8 weeks and my oldest would wake up when the youngest cried (very noisy house). The second one also didn't want to breastfeed so I pumped as well, which probably made it more intense Out of shock we decided to wait a few years before considering a third child haha. But it's doubly worth it when I see how crazy they are about each other, my oldest has learned to wait sometimes etc. I'd do it all over again if I had the choice, but not with only 22 months in between in the future I hope you get Selby soon! And To as well if you decide to go for it, sounds like you've got it good. However, we do think a separate room isn't necessary, it's nice if it works out but I think they won't miss it if they have to share. Although hopefully by then we'll have renovated our house and they'll have their own room if all goes well (a third one then), I wouldn't put it off because of whether or not they have their own room

And who knows, haha. My husband was pretty firm about not having a third kid, but our second is now 4 months old and he's already come up with a name in case the third one is a boy, haha.

"from shock" hahaha I'm lying double

I do feel a bit sorry for myself, I don't even get a 2nd one and you guys are talking about a 3rd and a 5th Although I'd be happy with 2 kids, before you think I'm reacting out of jealousy, but that's personal, of course.

I totally get you, Selby! I genuinely wish you all the best and hope your wish comes true. It's truly special when that wish comes to pass. I can't imagine how it feels to be at it for a year—I got impatient after a miscarriage and just four more months (felt like an eternity then, but of course not in perspective). Hopefully, it'll work out soon How old is your first child?

Do what your heart tells you to do.

Hi

That's so nice that your family is going so well! Sounds very cozy and lovely that you can be with your kids so much.

I understand your idea of finishing the row with a healthy one, you never know if everything is okay to go! But you sound like you still have enough space in your house and heart for another little one I myself grew up in a family with only one brother (and a big age difference between us) and I actually missed the coziness and bustle around me! (This because Selby said that people from a large family don't always find that nice). When I then saw peers with brothers and sisters to play with, that seemed amazing to me.