Biechthoekje
Huge fight with partner
DebGuest ·
Hi,
Unfortunately, my partner and I are going through a fertility treatment. Unfortunately, we can't get pregnant, we're doing everything we can, living as healthily as possible and my man stopped smoking successfully in October, he had tried 3x before and I had to find out indirectly that he was smoking again. Now we were in the hospital last week and no reason was found for the lack of pregnancy, they praised him enormously that my man no longer smoked and I was enormously proud, now I understood last week that 1 of his colleagues had started smoking again and told my man today that he had also started again via the app. I am so angry, disappointed and sad that we got into a huge fight. I want him to seek professional help to quit and he refuses this. For me it's over, I'm done after so many years that it doesn't work for us and especially angry that he is risking our percentage of fertility. I don't know what to do, it has escalated so much that I don't want to go home anymore and believe that I should take a break. My opinion is that he doesn't do everything for us to give us a chance and do everything for it. He says I'm putting on a show and absolutely not going to seek help. We can't figure it out, I need to write it off for a moment, I know that if we see each other now the hell will break loose because we have already become so angry with each other via the app and I don't feel that need right now. We are just standing face to face. What is your opinion? Am I too harsh? Or does he not do enough?
Unfortunately, my partner and I are going through a fertility treatment. Unfortunately, we can't get pregnant, we're doing everything we can, living as healthily as possible and my man stopped smoking successfully in October, he had tried 3x before and I had to find out indirectly that he was smoking again. Now we were in the hospital last week and no reason was found for the lack of pregnancy, they praised him enormously that my man no longer smoked and I was enormously proud, now I understood last week that 1 of his colleagues had started smoking again and told my man today that he had also started again via the app. I am so angry, disappointed and sad that we got into a huge fight. I want him to seek professional help to quit and he refuses this. For me it's over, I'm done after so many years that it doesn't work for us and especially angry that he is risking our percentage of fertility. I don't know what to do, it has escalated so much that I don't want to go home anymore and believe that I should take a break. My opinion is that he doesn't do everything for us to give us a chance and do everything for it. He says I'm putting on a show and absolutely not going to seek help. We can't figure it out, I need to write it off for a moment, I know that if we see each other now the hell will break loose because we have already become so angry with each other via the app and I don't feel that need right now. We are just standing face to face. What is your opinion? Am I too harsh? Or does he not do enough?
Replies
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Denise Kerber #2
I'd have a calm chat with your partner about it. Does he know how much you dislike it when he smokes? And does he realize what the consequences are? Unfortunately, you can't force someone to quit. I understand your frustration, but I don't think you're not getting pregnant just because he smokes. There might be other factors at play. Try talking it through together and find a solution. -
stff48 #3
Hey girl, I want to chime in too because we're also on the fertility journey... unfortunately in what I consider the toughest path. My husband has always been super athletic, eats healthy, doesn't smoke or drink... and yet he's infertile, so we have to go through the IVF route if we want a child.
What I'm trying to say: no matter how healthy you live, things can still go wrong... so in my opinion, smoking isn't really a big issue. Of course, lots of frustration comes up when it doesn't work out... we've also had moments of crying and arguing, and my husband even gave me the choice to leave him, but we've just become much closer and stronger through all this because, in the end, in this medical whirlwind, you really only need each other.
I hope you all come out of this period stronger, just like we did. -
Deb started this #4
It's so sweet that you took the time to reply, and it's really heartbreaking that there's still a couple out there where it just won't work. Strength to you both.
We talked last night after I got really upset. My husband was shocked that things had gotten so out of hand. Actually, I just needed a moment. Yesterday we also found out that cancer has been diagnosed in my young sister for the second time, and this journey of ours and my husband starting all over again made me overflow. He mentioned that it remains an addiction and that he does it from time to time to relax. I understand that to some extent and I'm glad we talked, but I'm still quite disappointed. It's something I need to deal with myself.
And no matter what you say, it feels to me like the only thing we can do ourselves, and that he doesn't want help really feels exactly like he doesn't want to put in the effort.
It needs some time, and I need some rest. It's just too much right now. Taking a step back for now.
Thank you for your kind replies. -
Anonymous Guest #5
Nice to read, deb! And strength together!
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