Sister is pregnant too

I had something similar.
Lost my first baby at 4.5 months pregnant. Then got pregnant again but had a miscarriage. After that, my sister-in-law got pregnant and I was 3 weeks later... I always stayed in the background because she was "first" to get pregnant. We're in the same friend group and it always revolved around her and I really hoped I'd give birth before her... I, for example, at 38 weeks and her at 41 because I could already see that her baby would get most of the attention from my in-laws since that would be the first grandchild. And sure enough, she gave birth 3 weeks earlier and her baby is the center of attention in the family and my child is still being sidelined. It hurts but I try to just focus on my own child. Enjoy your pregnancy. Love,

I do get a bit startled by the reactions... I have 4 sisters. Here it's more the exception to be pregnant alone. I'm pregnant now and this will be grandchild number 14. So I see absolutely no problem in being pregnant together... And that's not where the problem lies either. It's more about how your family behaves. That's really not fair. I don't need extra attention when I'm pregnant. But putting my child second because it's not the first? What kind of grandparent are you, I wonder. Every child is equally special or unique.

Ugh, typed the whole story and then it disappeared. I can kind of understand your feelings, but with a niece. First babies are two weeks apart, and despite different grandparents, there's still comparison. During pregnancy, after, and even now. Oh, does your baby not use the potty yet? ....she's already doing that (they're 18 months old). Anyway, with the second one, I got pregnant almost at the same time (God, I was so mad about that). Unfortunately, I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks. About 4 weeks later, I got the news that she suddenly had a vanishing twin. And since we were already half-fighting, I heard from the whole family that I should be nice because she had gone through the same thing and it was so terrible... not that it isn't terrible, but the difference between an empty belly and losing a baby whose existence you didn't even know about seems like quite something else (she only found out when she lost it). It made me very sad. Now I'm pregnant again, and she just gave birth. The only positive thing (as far as there is anything positive about the situation, of course, because I'd rather not have had a miscarriage) is that we're not pregnant at the same time now. And that brings a lot of peace! No comparisons, no complaining about her, and even the comparison of our oldest is finally becoming less. Now I'm pregnant with another niece, but that's not a big deal. She's a nice niece and is just fun when it comes to talking about pregnancy. I can imagine that it's closer with your sister. That your mother reacts differently because she doesn't like your friend very much seems really difficult. Hopefully, she'll come around and see that both grandchildren are equally valuable!

Thanks for the replies! It’s nice to read that I’m not the only one feeling this way. Some of you have even experienced this multiple times—really impressive that you’re holding up so well. It’s tough, really. Especially my family’s attitude and some of the things they say really hurt me. In the group chat, comments sometimes come up that make me think, “You have no idea how I feel about this.” I guess I’d see it differently if this were my sister’s first baby, but it’s her third already. (Every child is special and a blessing.) But there’s definitely a difference between being pregnant for the first time and the third time, I think. Especially since, as someone mentioned earlier, my sister said she didn’t want any more kids or wanted to wait… but wasn’t very careful about preventing pregnancy (no pill, no IUD). Anyway, I’m already glad I can talk about this here and hopefully let it go! Thanks everyone for sharing your stories!

Stay true to yourself, especially when it comes to your child. It makes your life so much lighter.

PS
What you think of others often says a lot about yourself.

You can't raise a kind, non-judgy child if you're not a kind, non-judgy parent. Read that again.

This person above me is right. Okay, your family might be a bit much. But being pregnant together isn't a big deal. Why should you only get attention? Are you feeling like you're lacking something? I'd rather focus on my self-image.

I think I’m feeling it too. Already, and my sister-in-law isn’t even pregnant yet. She’s been with my husband’s brother (my brother-in-law) for about two and a half years now. My husband and I have been together for 9 years.

It started when we bought a new-build project in a dead-end street a little over a year ago. Whoosh, less than two months later, they bought a new-build project in a dead-end street too. Not that it’s a big deal, but obviously, there’s already a lot of comparing going on when it comes to the houses. Hate it.

Meanwhile, my husband and I were trying to conceive. It took a while (I find it hard to get pregnant). Eventually, everyone in the family knew we were trying. Now I’m pregnant, and what do you know? She’s also stopped the pill. She, who always said she didn’t want kids, has suddenly changed her mind. Well, that’s their right, of course. But it still stings. Always that "copying" behavior. What a timing. At least I’m glad she’s not pregnant instead of me...

When she came to eat at my parents-in-law’s with us and I told them I was pregnant (the in-laws already knew), they reacted quite lukewarmly. They were exhausted from working on their construction site. It wasn’t very nice—especially since they knew how long we’d been trying and that we were also in the "trying" phase. And my mother-in-law immediately said, "Ooh, then X and X will probably follow soon too. That would be nice, two grandkids so close together." She’s dropped that hint a few times already.

By the way, I’m pregnant with their first grandchild. For my parents, it’s also their first grandchild.

Wowwww people... enjoy your pregnancy and stop all that comparing!!!! You're ruining so much with that.... Give it your full conviction and love and you'll get it back naturally? Maybe from a different angle than you thought, but turn the switch, turn your head around and enjoy what you're going through and that you can share it with someone else!