Nice chat
Pushy ex-mother-in-law
irisjeeee
Moms and moms-to-be,
Last week, my ex-mother-in-law came to pick me up from work so we could go shopping for baby clothes. I had been looking forward to it all day. I also really appreciate that she tries so hard.
When she arrived at my workplace, she immediately wanted to "feel" my belly because it had "grown so much." I was only 22 weeks pregnant then, and not much was visible yet; you certainly couldn't feel the baby from the outside.
She said, "Let me feel for a bit!" To which I replied, "No." She walked towards me, insisting, "Yes, come on." I turned around and held my arms in front of my belly. She kept walking towards me to try anyway, but eventually gave me a hug, which I also didn't enjoy. I generally have trouble with touch, especially in this manner.
I'm already scared about what will happen when my belly really grows and people start feeling the life from the outside.
My ex and I had a relationship of four years, with the last three years being full of constant arguments. He cheated often, lied about everything, hit me in the face, grabbed me by the neck on the stairs, and once sat with a large chair in front of the door so I couldn't leave. And so on. Eventually, with great difficulty, I broke it off because it wasn't sustainable. That was just one week before I found out I was pregnant.
I'm still trying to involve him in everything since he is the father of our child. I ask him to come to the ultrasound scans, send him photos of the scans, and let him know if anything comes up. But if things don't go exactly as he wants, he gets angry and starts saying all sorts of things that have nothing to do with it. I choose to block him for a few days because I want a peaceful pregnancy.
We made agreements, including one where he goes to the doctor to ask for medication for his behavior and anger attacks.
When my ex-mother-in-law and I were walking in the city, she tried to fish for information.
She thinks I should involve him more, and she says this every time. I've told her many times that I do involve him, but that he ruins it himself every time.
Eventually, I let her read the app conversations between my ex and me, and she agreed with me because he had told her different things.
Still, she feels sorry for him because he has such a hard time with us breaking up.
He wants to be there for the birth, but I definitely don't want that. I feel completely uncomfortable with the idea. I eventually agreed that he could be at the hospital and come inside after the birth. Now, his mother thinks she should also be allowed at the hospital because otherwise, my ex will be with my father all the time, and those two don't have a good relationship. My ex did that to himself.
I agreed to it, but I can already see it happening. They definitely won't sit and wait until our child is born. I understand they want to be
Last week, my ex-mother-in-law came to pick me up from work so we could go shopping for baby clothes. I had been looking forward to it all day. I also really appreciate that she tries so hard.
When she arrived at my workplace, she immediately wanted to "feel" my belly because it had "grown so much." I was only 22 weeks pregnant then, and not much was visible yet; you certainly couldn't feel the baby from the outside.
She said, "Let me feel for a bit!" To which I replied, "No." She walked towards me, insisting, "Yes, come on." I turned around and held my arms in front of my belly. She kept walking towards me to try anyway, but eventually gave me a hug, which I also didn't enjoy. I generally have trouble with touch, especially in this manner.
I'm already scared about what will happen when my belly really grows and people start feeling the life from the outside.
My ex and I had a relationship of four years, with the last three years being full of constant arguments. He cheated often, lied about everything, hit me in the face, grabbed me by the neck on the stairs, and once sat with a large chair in front of the door so I couldn't leave. And so on. Eventually, with great difficulty, I broke it off because it wasn't sustainable. That was just one week before I found out I was pregnant.
I'm still trying to involve him in everything since he is the father of our child. I ask him to come to the ultrasound scans, send him photos of the scans, and let him know if anything comes up. But if things don't go exactly as he wants, he gets angry and starts saying all sorts of things that have nothing to do with it. I choose to block him for a few days because I want a peaceful pregnancy.
We made agreements, including one where he goes to the doctor to ask for medication for his behavior and anger attacks.
When my ex-mother-in-law and I were walking in the city, she tried to fish for information.
She thinks I should involve him more, and she says this every time. I've told her many times that I do involve him, but that he ruins it himself every time.
Eventually, I let her read the app conversations between my ex and me, and she agreed with me because he had told her different things.
Still, she feels sorry for him because he has such a hard time with us breaking up.
He wants to be there for the birth, but I definitely don't want that. I feel completely uncomfortable with the idea. I eventually agreed that he could be at the hospital and come inside after the birth. Now, his mother thinks she should also be allowed at the hospital because otherwise, my ex will be with my father all the time, and those two don't have a good relationship. My ex did that to himself.
I agreed to it, but I can already see it happening. They definitely won't sit and wait until our child is born. I understand they want to be
Replies
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Floor Guest #2
What a tough situation. I think you're being very reasonable and constantly looking for the right path in these difficult circumstances. That's good, because it means you're not making things worse. But don't forget that you and the baby are the only important people in this story right now. You need to speak up about things that don't feel right to you and avoid doing or agreeing to things that make you uncomfortable. Ultimately, you don't want to be in that position, and your baby needs a mother who can show that it's important to choose yourself and be strong. You're on the right track
Can't your mother-in-law understand that you want some distance? Then that's her problem. -
Mama Gast Guest #3
Totally agree with Floor!
It’s so incredibly important that you feel good during your birth. Your baby benefits from that too, and besides, he/she can’t speak up for themselves yet. That’s your job, already.
We actually used the birth plan back then to keep the midwife and nurses out of the delivery room as much as possible. Had a dream birth. Really! -
Mila Guest #4
That tip about the birth plan is really good for your anxiety when she comes in. Clearly explain the situation to the midwife for when you're really going to give birth, and discuss your wishes and what you don't want. You're really doing well, sweetheart -
Annaa Guest #5
You decide who you want with you during childbirth, right?
Who you call shows up, and those who aren’t invited won’t know—so they’ll find out later anyway! -
Joy #6
Or you can also keep quiet about the fact that labor has started and only let them know when you're ready. The baby is still coming out of your body. And is still (especially at the beginning) dependent on you. And poor thing, your ex's sm...
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