Forum Biechthoekje

Do people act weird when you have a baby?

3 replies

starz
I totally relate to this. I also get that in my case it might be well-intentioned. But I get so irritated by it. I wasn't doing it right. My little girl had hiccups when she was just 1 month old, and then the question: why aren't you giving her water? That I should use diaper cream even though she had no rash. Or if I was already giving her puree in the evening. Or that I was holding her too much, spoiling her. Why I didn't get her ears pierced. That she slept too much on my chest. We had been longing for a little family for years. And then you get comments like this. Advice is welcome, but let us do it our own way. I also notice that I can't handle it well, and after pointing out a few times that we do things our own way, I get the response: you're being stubborn. So I start avoiding those people. They bring it on themselves.
Anoniempje, how do you deal with this? Besides just setting your boundaries.
I also often have trouble with the way others interact with my little girl. Sounds weird, but it's like we're the only ones doing it right with her. Just one example: putting a finger in my daughter's mouth to feel if her teeth are coming in. Giving her food too quickly one after another. Giving the bottle while she's almost lying flat. (And all respect to parents who do it their own way or have done so) but let us do it ourselves!

Replies

  1. Anne #2

    This is about setting your own boundaries not letting it get to you and only keeping the good advice. It's something pretty much everyone does, and it's really annoying. I've gotten green with envy and yellow with anger at times. But the daughter is 20 months old now and doesn't even know when it stopped, but people don't do it anymore. Very rarely I get random advice about feeding times when my daughter throws a tantrum because she wants to do it herself and honestly, sometimes I don't know what to make of it either, but it's a phase and it'll pass. My experience now is that the younger the kids, the more they do it. Now pregnant with the second one and it's already starting again, all sorts of advice about bottles or breastfeeding, co-sleeping, letting them cry it out, etc. While I'm pretty much sticking to my own plan. Good luck and keep one ear in and the other out; if it gets too much, I'd say something.

  2. Nora123 #3

    Hi hi,

    Well, my answer to the question of how I deal with this is that I still can't handle it.. I do clearly set my boundary that I find it very unpleasant or I also say No, I won't do it that way or I don't even respond.. Then they're offended.. But the funny thing is, the next time I see that person, they do it again!! That's the most bizarre thing of all. It's like being stuck in a cycle.

  3. Nora123 #4

    And it doesn't get easier, right? You'd rather avoid those birthdays and dinners.. Because you can't really enjoy yourself like that, can you? If I have to go somewhere, I already know I'll get that round of questions and comments..

    Once we all went away for a weekend with family (I never do that again). We left angry because nobody considered us (with a 1-month-old baby). They did everything together and left us to suffocate, didn't even look at us.. Because you can't do much with a baby, but with the older kids you can. We were all in a park with our own little houses.. And when we were together, they only had criticism.. And when we asked if they could consider us and the baby, the answer was yes, we have to consider everyone.. But when we got home, the baby was interesting and fun again, and boom, all the meddling, everything on top of everything, while they didn't even look at us at the park.. I don't get it, people are really strange. I always say now.. When you have a baby, you really get to know people!

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