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Restlessness

5 replies

Eve
Dear ladies,

I’d like to share my story/concern with you all. My partner and I already have a son who is 21 months old. I really want a second child, but my partner is still unsure if he can handle it. Nevertheless, I’ve been off the pill for 4 months now, and my partner obviously knows this. We only have unprotected sex right after my period (1-3 days after), and since I always have a very regular cycle (28 days), my fertile window also shifted 5 days earlier before my period. Otherwise, we always use a condom.

I should normally get my period on the 13th, but so far, there are no signs... I took a pregnancy test yesterday, and it was negative. Lately, I’ve also been experiencing a lot of stress, and I’ve been sick for a few days (swollen glands, runny nose, sore throat, headache, muscle pain). Could this be related to my missed period? Although I really want a second child, my partner isn’t 100% convinced yet, so I’m a bit scared... What if it’s successful? Hopefully, no negative comments; I’m already feeling quite anxious. Thanks in advance for your feedback!

Replies

  1. Mila Guest #2

    Hi Eve, how nice, a little one! Why does your husband think he can't handle two? If this one is busy, it's quite possible that the second one is actually very calm. And the beginning phase naturally asks the most. What does he say about that? And what was his wish before you started having kids, always just one?

    If you have a 28-day cycle that's very standard, you ovulate on day 14. Sperm can survive 5-7 days in your body, although 7 is extreme. If you've been intimate 1 to 3 days after your period, you're on day 6/8? Assuming 4/5 days of bleeding. So it could indeed be possible if you were intimate on day 8 that some sperm were still on the hunt on day 14 when your egg came along... The days right before your period are not possible.

    You no longer used a condom, but for the sake of avoiding pregnancy? That seems very illogical to me! And what does your husband say about it? By the way, I think it could just be due to stress and not feeling well that you're a bit late! What else do you feel?

  2. Eve started this #3

    Hey Mila, thank you for your reply.
    No, our little boy is truly a super good kid. Very easy, really. He never said he didn't want children; when our little boy was 14 months old, I really wanted to start again for number 2, but he said he wasn't ready for it yet, “not now yet,” he said, and I understood completely. He said he couldn't see into the future and couldn't predict when or if he would want a second child...
    After discussing it again after a few months, I decided to stop the pill (I feel so much better without it) and he used condoms. Now honestly, we both prefer without, so we do it without on the normal-safe days.
    If I calculate, my ovulation was around June 28th, and then we had sex with a condom... I now realize I took a huge risk, and believe me, I feel so bad, I let myself be blinded by my own strong desire for a child.. we had unprotected sex a few days ago, because I normally would have had my period a few days later, knowing that we were on vacation and thus regularly in the swimming pool, it would still be very exceptional for the sperm cells to survive that long? No?

  3. Meid23 #4

    @Eve Swimming doesn't really matter for the cells at all. I used to do competitive swimming myself and was in the water 6 days a week. I also had teammates who were pregnant, so that's definitely not an issue.

    Maybe if your partner isn't quite ready yet, think about options like an IUD?

    Of course, you have the highest chance of getting pregnant during your fertile period in February, but since sperm can survive in the body for up to 7 days, you're never 100% safe.

    But definitely do what feels right for you and your partner.

  4. Mila Guest #5

    Hi Eve! So, did you guys also get intimate the time you ovulated? But with a condom, so if it was used correctly, it seems unlikely to me. The time before that, without a condom, was it not “before singing the church hymn”? Then it could be from that one because sperm can survive up to 7 days. Swimming or washing doesn’t matter, they’re already in your fallopian tubes and have to die there.

    I’m reading between the lines a bit that your desire for a child might have played a role? I can totally understand that, but if your man is so clear about it, you should definitely discuss with him what the risks are if you have unprotected sex.

  5. Angiie #6

    Have you gotten your period yet?

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