Forum Baby wish

Trying to get pregnant but it's not working

24 replies · page 1 of 2

Babygirll84
Hi everyone,

My partner and I are trying to conceive. He's 35 and I'm 34. I stopped using the NuvaRing in September 2017. Since November 2017, we've been "trying" to get pregnant. Meaning, we've let go of the pressure and are just going for it. We don't really time intercourse specifically; we just leave it to chance and see what happens. We have sex about 2-3 times a month. I have been using an app since then to track my cycle. According to the app, we've had intercourse at the right time several times, but still no pregnancy. So, we've been at this for about 13 months now.

I'm starting to worry a little bit. I wonder if this is normal? Do you track your fertile window and have sex consciously during those times? Could it be that it's taking longer for us because of that, and is it therefore very logical/normal that we're not pregnant yet? My cycle isn't very regular. It's about 25 to 33 days. Often 28 days, but not always.

Maybe there are others with this "problem" who want to share their experiences? I don't necessarily need to get pregnant right away. If it takes a bit longer, that's fine. But I'm wondering more and more often if something might be wrong and if it would be wise to go to the GP?

Thanks in advance :-)

Replies

Page 1 of 2

  1. Tooby #2

    Having sex 2-3 times a month isn't a lot, which makes it really easy to miss your window.

    I used ovulation tests to figure out when I was ovulating, but we started having sex every other day about 1.5 weeks after the start of my period, and also on the day of ovulation.

    If your cycle is a bit irregular, I really recommend using ovulation tests and having sex (if you can manage it) on the day the test is positive; your egg is released 24-48 hours after that, and after that you're basically too late.

    It might well be that it's taking longer because, with only 2-3 times a month, that's not a lot.

  2. Babygirll84 started this #3

    Thank you for your reply. That’s quite reassuring for me. I once did an ovulation test for a few days when I thought I was ovulating. No result. Maybe I should monitor more closely and use ovulation tests...

  3. Tooby #4

    You can, in my opinion, best just take cheaper tests like those from Kruidvat or Etos (I wasn't satisfied with Action myself), which show a line instead of a smiley (like Clearblue). With the line, you can kind of see if it's coming or if it's just been. That way, you can decide to skip a day (if it's white or very faint) or just test again the next day.
    It's best to read the leaflet carefully, as it also says when you can start testing (I'd just follow your shortest cycle).
    If you've done this for 3 months and still no result, even with more frequent intercourse (optimal sperm is with intercourse every other day starting about 5-6 days before your ovulation), I'd definitely go to the doctor.

  4. Moedertjuh #5

    Yeah, use ovulation tests. We definitely have sex every day, but around ovulation, every other day. If your shortest cycle is 28 days, I think you should start using ovulation tests on day 10, but you might want to check the instructions. We got results pretty quickly. If it takes longer, you might consider seeing your GP. If you've been trying for a while, that's definitely the next step.

  5. Ess20 #6

    We got pregnant on the first try. What I did was basically have sex almost every day starting from day 5 of my cycle, so after my period. Not because we had a baby wish, but because we both enjoy it The result is that I'm pregnant now. I did use the Action ovulation tests last month just to see how it all works. I didn't really need them since I was having sex every day anyway. Otherwise, try having sex every other day after your period until about day 20, if possible, of course. Who knows, it might help!

  6. Babygirll84 started this #7

    Thank you both. I think we just don't have sex often enough, and then the chance of getting pregnant is naturally much smaller. I guess my expectations just weren't right/weren't accurate.

  7. Limo #8

    I only found out through ovulation tests that my ovulation was later than the app indicated. After that, I quickly understood why it wasn't working for us. I really recommend them to you!

  8. Seerte #9

    Hey. You mention that you have an irregular cycle. It's wise to have sex more often per month or even week because your ovulation is also irregular.
    For example, last month I had an ovulation that was confirmed by an ultrasound and blood test, while according to the app it should have been a week earlier.
    Apps are not very reliable in that regard with an irregular cycle. The best is to keep an eye on your mucus.

  9. Babygirll84 started this #10

    Thanks everyone! Yeah, I don't think the app is very reliable either. I don't think ovulation always happens on day 14. Definitely going to try ovulation tests and see what happens. I'm really curious!

  10. BabyBoo #11

    We've had this problem too. We also started out just like you're doing now. Now I'm trying to figure out my ovulation using ovulation tests. I can find that. I've also been to the hospital, and everything looks fine with me. We don't have sex that often either. It hasn't worked even once yet. Next January, we're going to have my boyfriend's sperm checked.

  11. Babygirll84 started this #12

    @Babyboo That sounds really tough! You’ll start questioning everything, even if there’s nothing actually wrong. I’m starting to get that now, at least. I wonder if everyone does it like we do, or if most people just go for it right away and have sex at the right times...

    Anyway, I’m going to start using ovulation tests too. I couldn’t find my ovulation back then, and I only used them for one cycle... We’ll see how it goes from there. I’m also studying part-time, so it doesn’t have to happen in the very short term. Of course, it’s more than welcome though!

  12. BabyBoo #13

    Yeah, I definitely want to rule out certain things now. I'm not in a rush, but you never know if it'll ever work out.

  13. jozefien #14

    We also started off with “we’ll see,” but pretty soon we wanted to go all in and began using ovulation tests after a few months.
    I do feel like this raises the pressure a bit, but you know best whether you’ve been timing things right. So far no success, and it’s already been over 6 months with the ovulation tests. Hopefully we’ll have more luck soon because I’m starting to feel a bit down about it.
    Good luck to everyone. May 2019 be a fertile year

  14. jozefien #15

    @Tooby, why aren't you happy with the tests from Action? I always use these, hence my question

  15. Besje #16

    Keep track of your cycle and have intercourse every other day from day 10 (day 1 is the first day of your period) until day 18 to 20. Daily intercourse is not recommended because sperm quality won't be optimal then. Good luck If it's still nothing after a few months, it's best to visit a doctor.

  16. Tooby #17

    @jozefien, personally he never gave a super positive result (or rather, theoretically not even a positive). Ironically, I ended up getting pregnant the month I used those ovulation tests haha, but it did cause some uncertainty. So it's really personal; for me, the loose strips (so not in the plastic holder) worked really well, the line was so clear it practically jumped out haha.

  17. Maranne #18

    I just want to respond to the advice about having sex every other day instead of every day, for sperm quality. According to my gynecologist, this is a stubborn myth! If your man has to donate sperm for testing, he needs to abstain for a few days to improve sperm quality. But when it comes to getting pregnant, it's better to have sex every day around your fertile window. According to my gynecologist, there are so many good sperm cells in semen that having sex two days in a row still gives a better chance than having sex every other day. Because more good sperm cells are produced in those two consecutive days than in that one day if your man had saved up for a day first.

  18. jozefien #19

    Maranne, I also heard from my GP that this is indeed a myth.

  19. Moedertjuh #20

    In the end, it doesn't matter because sperm can survive for several days, so having sex every other day will just get you pregnant. That method led to four pregnancies for me. Every other day. And all of them in 3 or 4 tries.

Add your reply

Share what helped you, or ask a question.

Sign in to join the conversation.

Continue with Google

Takes a moment. You’ll come straight back here to reply.