Biechthoekje
Loneliness...
Dior
I'm really hesitating whether to post this on the forum, so I'll give it a try.
I've been feeling pretty low for a while now...
I feel so incredibly lonely and alone!
I have a very sweet boyfriend, but I still feel extremely lonely.
I don't have much contact with my parents and brothers.
Most of my family doesn't want anything to do with me and see me as the black sheep; they just pretend not to know me when I run into them somewhere.
I have almost no friends or girlfriends.
I also barely see or speak to my boyfriend's family and friend group, or they don't even want anything to do with me.
There are few people who want to hang out with me, and this is hard for me, but also my boyfriend and specialists don't understand it. I'm incredibly social and friendly, and I love talking to and listening to everyone. I'm always there for everyone, want to help with everything, and would give away my last euro or slice of bread if it helped someone else, even if I had to scrape by for the rest of the month.
I also go for walks or to a bar alone and strike up friendly conversations with everyone.
I've met a lot of people who seemed really nice, organized parties and fun things, but soon everyone drops off the radar, and no matter how hard I try, it's like pulling a dead horse.
People I meet through work or my daily activities are super nice and friendly, but making plans to do something fun as friends just doesn't happen; they don't want to.
Also, at the work I do, I'm often alone for hours and speak to almost no one. This makes me completely fed up during or after work, because I spend hours ruminating.
I've been trying to get professional help for a few months, but the waiting lists are long, and to what extent can they help me with my loneliness? They don't understand what's going on either... Should I just accept that it's not meant for me?... Isn't anyone deserving to be lonely and alone?... No one deserves it!
Don't get me wrong, I have a very sweet boyfriend! And you might think, why am I still lonely?
Well, he works during the day too, and I just miss that connection; I need other contacts.
And he also needs his own time, and I don't think he should always have to take me along on everything...
When he comes home, he can never just sit down quietly; my mouth bursts with all the stories from the whole day that I've been holding back and saving up.
Now, we've been trying for our first baby for quite a while. After a few miscarriages, it still isn't working.
This frustrates and depresses me more and more.
I just can't wait to have my little sprout with me. That there will finally be an end to the loneliness... That I can connect with other expectant moms/dads. That I can join activities. No more terrible silence. And so much to look forward to. Playdates, Sinterklaas, Christmas, fun outings, hosting and visiting. It all sounds so nice!
But it just isn't working, and I know we need to be patient and not give up, but it makes me so sad... I'm really sick of this loneliness!
And then those women who don't want anything to do with me, and made that very clear in a blunt way, just because they got pregnant earlier than me! I should be happy for them, I know, very mean, but I can't help it...
Wow, what a long post, sorry about that.
It feels really good to let it out somewhere, thanks for listening!
I've been feeling pretty low for a while now...
I feel so incredibly lonely and alone!
I have a very sweet boyfriend, but I still feel extremely lonely.
I don't have much contact with my parents and brothers.
Most of my family doesn't want anything to do with me and see me as the black sheep; they just pretend not to know me when I run into them somewhere.
I have almost no friends or girlfriends.
I also barely see or speak to my boyfriend's family and friend group, or they don't even want anything to do with me.
There are few people who want to hang out with me, and this is hard for me, but also my boyfriend and specialists don't understand it. I'm incredibly social and friendly, and I love talking to and listening to everyone. I'm always there for everyone, want to help with everything, and would give away my last euro or slice of bread if it helped someone else, even if I had to scrape by for the rest of the month.
I also go for walks or to a bar alone and strike up friendly conversations with everyone.
I've met a lot of people who seemed really nice, organized parties and fun things, but soon everyone drops off the radar, and no matter how hard I try, it's like pulling a dead horse.
People I meet through work or my daily activities are super nice and friendly, but making plans to do something fun as friends just doesn't happen; they don't want to.
Also, at the work I do, I'm often alone for hours and speak to almost no one. This makes me completely fed up during or after work, because I spend hours ruminating.
I've been trying to get professional help for a few months, but the waiting lists are long, and to what extent can they help me with my loneliness? They don't understand what's going on either... Should I just accept that it's not meant for me?... Isn't anyone deserving to be lonely and alone?... No one deserves it!
Don't get me wrong, I have a very sweet boyfriend! And you might think, why am I still lonely?
Well, he works during the day too, and I just miss that connection; I need other contacts.
And he also needs his own time, and I don't think he should always have to take me along on everything...
When he comes home, he can never just sit down quietly; my mouth bursts with all the stories from the whole day that I've been holding back and saving up.
Now, we've been trying for our first baby for quite a while. After a few miscarriages, it still isn't working.
This frustrates and depresses me more and more.
I just can't wait to have my little sprout with me. That there will finally be an end to the loneliness... That I can connect with other expectant moms/dads. That I can join activities. No more terrible silence. And so much to look forward to. Playdates, Sinterklaas, Christmas, fun outings, hosting and visiting. It all sounds so nice!
But it just isn't working, and I know we need to be patient and not give up, but it makes me so sad... I'm really sick of this loneliness!
And then those women who don't want anything to do with me, and made that very clear in a blunt way, just because they got pregnant earlier than me! I should be happy for them, I know, very mean, but I can't help it...
Wow, what a long post, sorry about that.
It feels really good to let it out somewhere, thanks for listening!
Replies
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Beagle #2
That’s awful that you’re feeling this way. I can somewhat relate. Lots of “friends” you only hear from when you reach out yourself. And it’s really hard to make plans. I also have those moments when I feel lonely being home with the little one. Staying indoors all day doesn’t make you happy either.
Now with the little one, I try to go to activities like baby massage, baby library, etc., and I do make some contacts there, but it’s really difficult to arrange things outside of that, and I don’t want to impose.
Maybe you could find a nice hobby where you can join a group? -
Dior started this #3
That's so sweet of you to reply!
I can totally understand why you might feel lonely too. I should say it's nice that I'm not the only one, but I feel really bad for you!
It's nice that you're doing those activities though! Do you enjoy them too?
It's a shame that making plans isn't really working out either... I get that it feels like you're forcing yourself on people, but I don't think that's usually the case.
Here, people literally don't respond anymore when I ask something like that...
And of course, everyone is just busy these days.
I'm already playing football and riding horses in several places, and between work and housekeeping, there isn't much time left for joining more clubs, hehe...
I've also tried gymnastics, fitness, table tennis, and school before, and even Facebook groups and "dating sites," but that didn't really yield much either.
I have to say I did meet some people at school, but they're much younger and are at a very different stage in life (not thinking about kids at all yet, etc.) haha...
So maybe the ideas for hobbies are a bit exhausted haha. Tips are always welcome haha! -
Lisa.96 #4
I relate to the problem and experience it myself a lot too. After moving around a lot, I lost many friends, and even after eventually moving back, I still haven’t gotten anything back. Now that I have a little one, it’s even harder since there are few activities for kids (babies) nearby. Also, because I’m a young mom, people either ignore me or try to lecture me.
The only tip is to go out and do fun things. Ultimately, you only need one person who broadens your world. And from that person, you can grow further. -
Moedertjuh #5
I think you're a sensitive person, at least that's how you come across. Open and sensitive. Maybe you want it so much that you get a bit too enthusiastic with new contacts. Not everyone can be your friend, there has to be a connection. And for some, that's a bit harder than for others. Also look critically at yourself; you describe quite a few contacts that don't work out. Then there must be something you need to do differently. Maybe you can, which is very difficult, ask someone why they don't like to hang out with you. Ask them to give an honest answer. It's not easy, but how can you change something if you don't see the problem yourself? -
wivi #6
Hi, I was wondering how you're doing now. I also often feel lonely, and especially during this pregnancy. I mainly feel like no one understands me. I also find it really hard to talk about it because I don't exactly know what I'm dealing with myself either. What I do know is that I'm insecure and scared, and it doesn't help much to tell me that everything will be fine because that doesn't make me feel any better. I want to give you some advice: don't waste your energy on people who will disappoint you anyway. Do things you enjoy and talk to someone you trust, and try to enjoy the little things because sometimes that's enough. -
Dior started this #7
Hey "146542", that's so sweet of you to ask!
Things are going okay for me now. I'm pregnant, but I'm constantly feeling really down, which means I don't have much energy to worry about others. Though I also feel quite lonely right now, because it seems like no one understands what I'm going through and doesn't support me in this.
I'm also really scared and insecure myself, which certainly doesn't make things any easier.
The positive side is that with the nice weather, I can start riding horses again, and I notice I'm really coming alive again! And I'm enjoying that a lot right now.
And how are things going with you?
*To the others who replied: Also, thank you so much for your responses! I wasn't really able to respond properly back then, so my sincere apologies for that!
Thanks anyway!
And hopefully, everything is going its own course for you all too?!
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wivi #8
It's great that you're having so much fun horseback riding; I'd keep doing it too if I were you. Things are going well for me too—I'm 11 weeks pregnant, but I'm feeling really nauseous and sometimes vomiting. I hope it gets better soon. How many weeks pregnant are you? -
Dior started this #9
I'm 10 weeks and just like you, really nauseous and constantly vomiting and gagging.
Hope it'll get better soon because I'm pretty much done with it by now! Ghehe... -
wivi #10
I also got medicine from the doctor but it only helps a little. I'm pretty much done with it, but yeah, there's not much you can do about it. -
Dior started this #11
I got medication too, but it doesn't work at all...
There really is nothing you can do.
I thought I'd be completely happy once I was finally pregnant, but nothing could be further from the truth.
Suddenly, I don't seem to see clearly anymore what I'm doing this for, and I feel guilty about that every day...
Meanwhile, I worry about our little one every day, and maybe that makes the symptoms worse?
Is this your first baby too? -
wivi #12
Yeah, that's right, it's my first baby. I also find it really unpleasant, but I'm trying to keep myself entertained (watching nice series on Netflix) and not worry too much. I had severe stomach pain on Friday and Sunday, so now I'm also worried about the little one, and I'm going to see the midwife this afternoon. -
Dior started this #13
Yeah, getting busy is definitely a thing. Watching Netflix all day sounds lovely, but I get frustrated because I actually need to clean the house and get some work done... but it barely happens...
Good luck this afternoon!! -
wivi #14
I get it, I’ve got it too but there’s nothing you can do about it. You need to take it easy because stress is only bad for the baby.
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