Baby wish
hesitating
Glen
Hi!
My girlfriend is 20 and I'm 24, and we've been together for almost two years. She stopped school in October because she couldn't make it work at the university, and I started working in August. However, her desire for a baby is so huge right now that she doesn't want to go back to work until she's given birth.
I was born at 25 weeks, and my mom had pre-eclampsia. I also have a disability affecting my back and muscles, for which they haven't been able to diagnose yet.
My girlfriend wants a baby so badly that she's pushing me really hard, or at least that's the feeling I get.
I'd like a baby too, but she doesn't understand that I'm really worried about whether we can afford it financially... with just one starting salary as a bachelor...
On top of that, I'm also scared that any potential children might have the same problems as me... this is being investigated, but it could take several years... and she doesn't want to wait that long.
I don't know what to do... believe her and say "we can manage," or tell her she'd be smarter to go to work first (she studied and wants to get pregnant immediately) to gain work experience and money.
Best,
G.
My girlfriend is 20 and I'm 24, and we've been together for almost two years. She stopped school in October because she couldn't make it work at the university, and I started working in August. However, her desire for a baby is so huge right now that she doesn't want to go back to work until she's given birth.
I was born at 25 weeks, and my mom had pre-eclampsia. I also have a disability affecting my back and muscles, for which they haven't been able to diagnose yet.
My girlfriend wants a baby so badly that she's pushing me really hard, or at least that's the feeling I get.
I'd like a baby too, but she doesn't understand that I'm really worried about whether we can afford it financially... with just one starting salary as a bachelor...
On top of that, I'm also scared that any potential children might have the same problems as me... this is being investigated, but it could take several years... and she doesn't want to wait that long.
I don't know what to do... believe her and say "we can manage," or tell her she'd be smarter to go to work first (she studied and wants to get pregnant immediately) to gain work experience and money.
Best,
G.
Replies
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meid22 #2
@Glen It's great that she really wants a baby, but I think you should make the decision together. I feel like you'd be best off sharing your feelings with her.
I also think it would be nice to start building up some financial security together, so you don't have to worry about money.
Also, don't assume it'll happen right away. It might, but lots of couples take a while to conceive. That's something to consider, because if it takes a while (though I hope it happens quickly for you two), she'll be at home for quite a long time (from trying to conceive through to after the birth), which could leave a noticeable gap in her CV. (I don't mean to sound negative, though.)
These are probably things to take into consideration.
Maybe working and then possibly stopping at a certain point during the pregnancy could be an option? -
Moedertjuh #3
It's pretty simple: having a kid is a huge step. You want to do that together! If one of you isn't ready yet, the other one will just have to wait a bit. Say that you'll think about it again in, say, half a year. Because your life could be completely different by then.
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