Forum Biechthoekje

Need advice

11 replies

Greta1991
Hi everyone,

I'm facing a bit of a dilemma.

I had sex with my boyfriend on the night of Sep 13th into the 14th. I was supposed to be ovulating on Friday, and since we aren't really trying for kids right now, we pulled out. I was lying on my stomach, and I know he finished all over my back (sorry for the details).

On Saturday evening, Sep 15th, I had a slip-up with Mr. B while I was drunk. He did use a condom though.

On Wednesday morning, Sep 19th, I felt myself ovulate.

On Wednesday, Sep 26th, I had some light bleeding, and two days later I held a positive pregnancy test in my hands.

My boyfriend reacted shocked and doubtful. He was sure he hadn't finished inside me, and had peed a few times before we had sex. Because of his reaction, I started doubting and called Mr. B. He reacted even more shocked because he had forgotten to mention that the condom had broken.

I had to tell my boyfriend everything honestly, and now our relationship is over. I suggested doing a paternity test (I was obviously in a state), but he refuses to cooperate. His reaction was: "The chance that I'm the father is nil. You'd better keep that money for raising your child "

Is he right? Is the chance really that small? Is there any way I can convince him to cooperate? Mr. B doesn't want anything to do with it either since he's married.

I don't know what to do anymore..

Replies

  1. lm #2

    Hi Anonymous 144478,
    What a tough situation! First of all, I want to compliment you for speaking up. That takes real strength, and it's definitely the best thing to do!

    As a mother who has lost a child (and has no other children), I can tell you that having a baby is not something that happens automatically. If your situation allows it and you'd really like to have a child, I'd advise you to raise the child yourself. And seek support from your surroundings where possible. I don't know if your ex and Mr. B look alike, but maybe after the birth you'll see whose child it is. I think it's highly likely that the child is Mr. B's. Just listen to what your gut tells you.

  2. Anonymous Guest #3

    Thank you, Anonymous 1444478. My gut feeling also says it's from B, but I hope I'm wrong. Everything's ruined now. I can't even enjoy the pregnancy anymore. Stress and crying all day long..

  3. lm #4

    I think there’s a very slim chance for that, and you’d be better off preparing yourself for being with Man B. I get that it’s hard to enjoy the moment, but try to enjoy the fact that there’s a living baby growing inside you. That baby didn’t ask for this situation and deserves just as much love as a planned child. No matter how tough things look right now, remember that there’s always a solution in the end. Maybe not with the man you love, but definitely with you and a beautiful child. Who knows how things might turn out? Despite the drunken mistake, there’s still a reason you crossed that line. Maybe you could start by reflecting at the beginning and thinking about why you did it after all. And then unravel things from there?

  4. Anonymous Guest #5

    Hi Anoniempje 140854. The reason I cheated has nothing to do with something being wrong between my partner and me. Quite the opposite. Everything is going well, maybe too well. Never any arguments (we've been together for 7 years). Occasionally I missed the drama (well, I've got that now, God strikes immediately).
    Of course, you miss the excitement at some point, but that's no excuse to justify it. I'm only human and unfortunately make mistakes too.
    I know the chance is very small that it's from my partner, but you do hear stories like this sometimes...

  5. Got You Guest #6

    Post three on the same topic. In your post "who is the father" you write;

    I had a slip-up right on the day before my fertile period. Or maybe the first day of my fertile period. Depends. We had sex but the person in question didn't cum inside me. We didn't use a condom and I know it.. It's just STUPID! 2 days later I had sex with my partner and 4 days later I felt my ovulation.   
    exactly 2 weeks later (after I felt my ovulation) I lost some blood and tested positive afterwards.   
    My boyfriend doesn't want kids, I do.. 
    Did you not use a condom for your slip-up or did the condom break? I hope you can explain it better to your boyfriend! And you weren't really trying for kids since your boyfriend didn't want children, right?

    And in the story in this post, your boyfriend was the first to be allowed to shoot his load over your back and then you cheated. In one post with a broken condom and in the other post without a condom and your slip-up also came over your butt/back. In that other post the order is reversed... 

    Maybe it's good to make one story out of it?

  6. lm #7

    That's already a good start. At least you know it was a real mistake and the relationship was solid. Have you set a starting point for yourself? Like, if you want to keep the baby, what's your foundation for that, and if not, what are you going to do? Maybe it helps to tackle one decision at a time? The most important thing seems to be what you want to do with the baby. Keep it, abort, adopt... everything else seems less important to me. If I say something that weighs on you, please let me know! I'm trying to think about what I'd do in your situation, but I haven't experienced this myself.

  7. lm #8

    I doubt it's the same person. I thought that at first too, but then that person would have to start using different usernames. Pretty nasty if that's the case.

  8. Anonymous Guest #9

    Huh, no, I didn't quite get the message either, but I can see how this might cause confusion.

  9. Merel #10

    Wow, what a complicated story. I also noticed that three similar stories suddenly appeared. Maybe she can provide some clarity herself?

    Stress isn't good for a baby, so make a decision. Maybe wait for an ultrasound and if everything is completely fine, come clean? But that probably varies from person to person, I think. If I were to hide something like that, I wouldn't be able to look myself in the eye. If the pregnancy doesn't go well (and unfortunately, that can happen when it's still early), you might want to think carefully about what you want with your relationship and confess the infidelity. But that's just how I see it.

  10. Greta1991 started this #11

    ? I don't quite get it anymore? Anyway, I'm going to take care of the baby, whether I'm single or not. I wish I could enjoy the pregnancy more.

  11. Saartje #12

    Glad you want to keep the baby!

    I wouldn't expect your boyfriend to want anything to do with you anymore: you cheated on him, and with that you've ruined your relationship and shattered his trust.

    Where do you live now? Do you have the possibility to give the baby a good, safe start on your own (alone)? If not, I'd suggest seeking help; there are organizations that can help you with stuff for your baby and such.

    I understand you're feeling terrible, and I hope that in a little while you'll be able to enjoy more of the sweet little baby growing inside you!

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