Forum Biechthoekje

Narcissistic parent(s)

2 replies

Jootje
Hi anonymous. I can relate to part of your story. For me, it's just my mom. My dad used to be able to put her in her place before she said or did something weird again. Unfortunately, my dad passed away about 11 years ago, and I often have a strained relationship with my mom. Sometimes things are fine for weeks, but then something small happens and it's over. I get blamed for living so far away, and that she sees her grandchild so little (while she herself never comes, mind you). I work three days a week. She would never bother to visit, but expects me to. And then it's: "Oh, I don't dare take the train," followed by constant complaining. Whether it's about us or her current partner, she always finds something to complain about. Pffff, it's exhausting. I've even considered cutting off contact. A lot has happened in my life too, but I don't need to share it all on this forum. But honestly, I can't do it. Somewhere inside, I keep thinking... well, she's still your mother. I can't just give up on her, but it does take a lot of energy. So I find it hard to give advice. But I completely understand how you feel.

Replies

  1. Anoniempje Guest #2

    Hey, thanks for your reply.
    It's indeed a drastic decision but I just can't handle it mentally anymore.
    As you say, there's a lot of drama and they're always the victims. My mom also never wants to come all the way here (65km) because it's too far; she had a "tumor" and the doctor said not to drive, or she's scared or doesn't feel well... Often she cancels at the last minute. But then I hear afterwards that she went to eat at her sister's place... Who lives just as far away as I do..
    It's really the combination of things that has put me at this point.
    And I can well imagine that it's not easy for you either, especially since your dad sometimes pointed out the facts to her.

  2. Angiie #3

    I cut off contact with my dad earlier this year. What he did to me in the past kept haunting me as long as we were in contact, and I don’t even want my little girl, whom I’m expecting in January, to come into contact with someone like him.
    Besides what he did in the past, he also kept kicking me with his actions and words.
    It was a drastic decision to cut contact, and sometimes I still struggle with it, but it brings me so much peace.

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