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Recurrent miscarriages

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LolaGuest ·
Hi!
I just need to share my story and it would do me good to talk to people who have been through this too and maybe get some tips or something.
In January I was pregnant with my 2nd child (I already have a child almost 2 years old) and at the ultrasound at the end of February we saw that the baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks, so I had a D&C. At the end of June I was pregnant again, very happy of course, and I felt very pregnant again. Last week I had another ultrasound, I should have been 9 weeks but the baby had stopped growing again at 5-6 weeks.
This week I had a D&C and now I feel incredibly empty. I know I should be happy because I already have a child, but I miss a new baby so much.
After the miscarriage in February we were like, okay it's sad but bad luck, now I'm like, twice in a row?!
I'm really scared that if I get pregnant again it will go wrong again.
My partner and I also have to get our blood tested in a few weeks so I'm wondering what they will be checking for...

Replies

Page 1 of 2

  1. sweet #2

    Hi Lola, unfortunately I've been through it too. I was pregnant last June and had a lovely scan at 8 weeks, but at 10 weeks I found out the baby had stopped growing at 9 weeks. I had a miscarriage two days after the scan. I got pregnant again in March and had another miscarriage at 6 weeks. We had our blood tested and did chromosomal analysis, and everything came back normal. At 10 weeks, they were supposed to do a blood clotting test and other checks on me, but I got pregnant again right away, so that was never done. I'm 21 weeks pregnant on Friday and have the 20-week scan tomorrow; I'm still really nervous. Especially since I had some bleeding regularly until 14 weeks.
    I hope you get your wish soon! And I completely understand that emptiness

  2. Lola started this #3

    Dear sweet and Lies,
    Thank you for your replies and congratulations on your pregnancy! I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you that everything goes smoothly!
    It’s indeed very bittersweet because so many people struggle to have their first child, so I don’t know if I’m allowed to feel sad that my second one isn’t happening yet. People often don’t seem to understand and expect you to bounce back quickly.
    I’m also really torn about whether I want to go through with the tests or not... I’d rather keep trying as soon as possible!
    I find it really touching that you’ve been through this too, but it also brings comfort knowing I’m not alone, and reading that things turned out positively for you.
    Love,

  3. kirstnn #4

    Hey Lola, I’ve also had 2 miscarriages in a row. April 2016, first ultrasound showed a beating heart and the second one didn’t. Resulted in a D&C. Second time in January 2017, that one happened spontaneously. They also said it was just bad luck, and I’d only get tested after the 3rd time. Luckily it turned out not to be necessary because 2 months later I was pregnant again and had a little boy.

    I think you’re allowed to be sad, whether it’s your 1st or 4th time doesn’t make a difference to me, that desire for children is just there.

  4. Lies #5

    No, your family isn't complete yet. Those comments sometimes... oh, you're lucky to have one walking around, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt less... some people are just so tactless!! And no, people only understand when they've been on the other side. They can say and do as much as they want, but if you haven't been through it, you don't know what you're talking about...... I shared my story with a friend, and she replied, "Oh, we're just getting started," and yeah, I hope it works out for you. Hello, I share my story and then you say this... not very helpful.!!

    I would say, if you feel okay about it, just keep trying. I consciously chose to have two normal periods after my last miscarriage... but that only ended up being one.

    I hope you can start enjoying it soon. And you're definitely not alone. It's often such a taboo subject....

  5. Zussiee Guest #6

    I’ve been through it too.
    Last March, I had an ultrasound at 12 weeks and there was no heartbeat. Since it didn’t happen naturally, they induced it with pills. In October last year, I got pregnant again, but at 8 weeks there was no heartbeat again, and it was induced with pills. However, not everything came out, so I had a curettage at the end of November. I had blood tests done, but nothing came up… so I kept wondering what was going on… what am I doing wrong? What’s wrong with my body?
    A blood test doesn’t tell you much, so we also had a chromosomal test done. I found waiting 6 weeks to be really long! Finally, in mid-January, I got my first period again, right in the middle of all the tests. On February 28th, I had two thick lines again, and now I’m 27.4 weeks pregnant!!
    I hope it happens quickly for you too and try to stay calm, no matter how frustrating it is…
    Stress isn’t good when you’re trying to get pregnant.
    Hopefully, we’ll soon read that you’re going to become an amazing mom too. Good luck xxxx

  6. Lola started this #7

    Thank you all for your responses!
    Wow, unfortunately, more people have experienced this than I had thought
    I had a miscarriage 11 years ago (when I was actually totally not ready for kids) with a previous partner. So you know in the back of your mind that it can happen. Then you have a child. And then you go through this again. At the time, I thought, okay, that's just bad luck. But that this could happen twice in a row and so close together, I never thought that would happen.
    During my miscarriage in February, my body gave me all sorts of signals that something was wrong, so that made it a bit easier to cope with the blow. But now, I felt super pregnant, nauseous, and had sore breasts, and even a day after the curettage, I still felt very pregnant. So the more I thought that everything was super fine now. I'm also losing a bit of trust in my body...
    It's a shame that nature can be so harsh sometimes, but I try to think that it all has its reasons.
    I've been home for a week now, sent home by the gynecologist, and I think I'll be strong enough to go back to work next week. How long were you home after a miscarriage/curettage? Some moments I feel really okay and think, I should be getting back to work. But other moments I feel really awful (physically and/or mentally), so I think it's best that I stay home for now.
    Thanks everyone for the kind responses, it really does me a lot of good to read that it can take a positive turn.

  7. sweet #8

    I also found those comments really painful. You're still young enough, you're healthy, your time will come... but the baby was so wanted, you immediately start picturing the whole future, and then it's just taken away from you.

    I was at home for 4.5/5 weeks after my first miscarriage, but that's because I had summer vacation right after. It took a long time before I could process it. It was the first time it hit home, and after the miscarriage, we wanted to get pregnant as soon as possible, so each period felt like a huge blow. The second miscarriage happened from Saturday night into Sunday night, and I just went back to work on Monday. I also found the second miscarriage very sad, but my gut feeling told me from the start that something wasn't right, and seeing no heartbeat also helped me process the second miscarriage better and faster.

  8. kirstnn #9

    Others are indeed totally lacking tact in this, and yeah, stop making those comments, please.. I even got asked after the 2nd time if we wouldn't just stop trying.. Ehm excuse me? I think that's up to us and no one else. There's still a huge taboo surrounding miscarriages. While as you can see, just like here, it happens soooo much!

    I had it exactly the other way around Lola, first pregnancy I felt super pregnant from the top to the bottom, even days or a week after the D&C, 2nd time I felt from the start that something wasn't right, and the ultrasound confirmed that. You eventually get that trust in your body back little by little, but that also really takes time.. I was really scared until 25+ weeks of losing him anyway, because a miscarriage just takes a toll on you. I was home for about 1.5 weeks after the D&C, but I was also breaking down from the pain. After the spontaneous miscarriage it was something similar but then I lost a lot of blood

  9. Lies #10

    So stupid, I lost half a liter of blood after my curettage and started bleeding again after 4 days... that wasn't very smart. So I stayed home for another week, took iron minerals, and then built up gradually... 2 hours a day and so on...

    Take your time and rest! Distraction is good again after that too.

  10. *Lotus* #11

    Lola, it's so hard that you had to go through it twice in a row.
    I unfortunately went through it 14 times, so 12 times in a row and 2 times with breaks. Those 12 were all early miscarriages. And 1 was a miscarriage at 9.2 weeks and 1 after IVF.
    I hope you get pregnant again soon... (and stay pregnant) lots of luck.

  11. Lola started this #12

    Hi everyone!
    Yes, I'll stay home until Monday too, just to see how I feel. Yesterday was really tough, but today I'm feeling much better and trying to stay positive. I just heard that my friend is pregnant, and I thought I'd feel bad about it, but I'm genuinely so happy for her.
    And Lotus, that's really tough for you—having to go through 14 times You're so strong for not giving up, and I see you're pregnant now, congratulations! Is this your first baby, or do you already have kids?

  12. *Lotus* #13

    Lola, oh girl, I completely understand how awful this must be for you. Your friend is pregnant and you've been trying for a while now. I really hope you get a positive test soon

    I've stayed strong because I've received so much support from the forum. What lovely girls. Really.

    This isn't my first baby. It will be my fourth child.

  13. tulpke57 #14

    Hi Lola,
    I found out last week that I’ve had another miscarriage. I’m still waiting, hoping it’ll come naturally because I’m dreading a D&C.
    My first pregnancy (2010) went smoothly, but for the second one (2015, finally successful) it was very different. It went wrong three times back then. I had all the tests done and nothing was wrong. Then I had to take ASAflow and Ustragastan.
    Now I’m trying for a third time, and it’s going wrong again at 8 weeks, despite the medication. I don’t know anymore. Sometimes I hate my body so much because you can’t trust it and it gives off wrong signals.
    Right now, I’ve had enough and decided to just let things be as they are and enjoy my two healthy boys.

  14. tulpke57 #15

    Lotus 14 miscarriages. Oh my, you have to admire that!!!

  15. *Lotus* #16

    Tulpke, what a tough situation. I hope you can move forward soon. It’s a huge impact. And no, you don’t have to admire me. I’ve really been through hell and back. I believe that happiness and grief were very close together over the past 1.5 years. And believe me, mentally I was really struggling. But this forum is truly amazing so many lovely women. And believe me when I say how hard it was when a few more of you had to go through the negative tests while I stayed behind, sometimes even testing positive with "pregnant" showing, and then those damn tests would turn negative again such sadness, terrible. But now I can call myself lucky .

    I understand that you're going to stop, I completely get it. Strength with your loss.

  16. Lola started this #17

    Tulpke57, that's really tough, and waiting for it to finish is hard too. With my previous miscarriage, I also wanted to wait, but after a week it hadn't passed, so I ended up having a D&C. This week, my OB-GYN asked me what I wanted to do, and I said I wanted to get it over with as soon as possible, so I went straight to the day hospital for a D&C. It's not too bad, I think. With my miscarriage 11 years ago, I had to insert pills to induce the miscarriage, which I found very traumatic, and then I still ended up having a D&C.
    It's hard, but we have to get through it, and indeed, what lovely girls and kind responses that really help.
    Lotus, I thought beforehand that it would be hard when I heard that my girlfriend was pregnant, but when I got the news, it wasn't difficult at all, and now I'm really happy for her (she's already been through the process).

  17. tulpke57 #18

    Indeed, the forum is really nice too because I don't really want/can talk about it with others, since they usually don't know what they're talking about.
    I also tried the pills on Sunday but with no result yet, a little cramping but mostly nothing. If it doesn't work, I'll call on Tuesday for a curettage on Thursday. Let's hope this won't be necessary. Then there's still something good. I try not to think about it, just like when trying to get pregnant, because then it usually works.
    Emotionally, the lotus birth is indeed very heavy. The strange thing is that I have less trouble with this pregnancy. Is that because I already have 2 or because I was less attached because you know it can go wrong.

  18. *Lotus* #19

    @tulpke,
    I don't know if it's because you already have two kids, I just know that you don't let the sadness get to you anymore... I'm definitely noticing in this pregnancy that I'm super super emotional... A lot worse than in any other pregnancy...
    I hope it starts naturally soon, girl... strength..

  19. tulpke57 #20

    Hi ladies,
    Just a little while ago, I went back to the gynecologist because my miscarriage still isn’t okay. I’ve made an appointment for a curettage. I’m dreading it, but waiting is becoming too much for me. Let’s hope it decides to come naturally by next Wednesday.
    This damn thing is messing with my body. Sorry for the language. My body doesn’t want to be pregnant, but it also doesn’t want to let go.
    This is really stupid. I just want it to be next Wednesday soon so we can finally put this behind us.

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