Just complaining

Definitely just throw it out there, and I can imagine you're frustrated with your boyfriend's behavior. But... with men, you have to be very clear! Don't hope he'll sense what he should do, but just say it! Clearly state that you'd rather wait a few days to have his son so you can see how your blood pressure and pregnancy are going; you can't handle extra stress right now! If you explain and discuss this calmly, I can't imagine he wouldn't understand or agree.

Of course you're allowed to feel a bit frustrated, it's part of the deal!
I think it's a good idea to take a warm bath and get some good rest!!
I bet you'll feel much better tomorrow!!

I understand that your boyfriend values his son and wants him close,
but it would have been helpful if you had known in advance.
But it also depends largely on yourself (not meant negatively at all!!!)
how much you stress yourself out.
You can calmly talk to your boyfriend about how he should consider you more in the future, especially regarding his child!!
Maybe you can also explain together to his son that you're not feeling well and that it's important for him to stay calm, as that helps you get better!
With a little luck, he'll feel "important" by being able to contribute to your recovery!!
Always make the best of a situation where you can't change anything in the moment!!
If you stress yourself out (let yourself be stressed), it's at the expense of yourself and possibly even your little one!!

Love, Olivia!!

Hey Anne,

Sounds pretty intense.
If I were you, I'd talk to your partner about the consequences of that high blood pressure, because let's be honest: your GP didn't prescribe you a week of rest for nothing, and those hard contractions are also a sign that things are too hectic.
The argument you just described has surely done no good for your blood pressure.

Explain to him that it's in everyone's best interest for you to get some rest right now. I don't know if you work, but if your blood pressure is still too high next week (above 140/90), I can tell you right now that your GP will tell you to stop working. You might get medication to lower your blood pressure, because it's still very early in the pregnancy and you really shouldn't carry on like this. If your blood pressure is really too high and won't come down, you'll be admitted to stabilize it and start medication, because high blood pressure is dangerous for both you and your baby.
If your blood pressure stays too high, your GP will refer you to the obstetrician, where you'll have to diligently show up every week for monitoring (via lab tests of blood and urine, CTG, ultrasounds) to check if you and your baby are doing okay. To make sure the baby isn't falling behind in growth and that your body can still handle everything.

Try to explain to him that it's not really about his son, but that things are just too hectic right now and that really can't happen. You could make a statement by arranging for your own son to spend a few afternoons or so with his grandparents or a good friend, so you can rest.
Maybe bring him along next time to the GP so he can explain the dangers to him; maybe then he'll understand.

Wishing you lots of strength, and I hope your blood pressure stabilizes and you can carry your pregnancy to term without admissions and medication.

Hi ladies,

The calm has returned a bit, but I still feel terrible, especially since I’ve read a lot about high blood pressure in the first trimester. My BP was just 144/80. I barely slept last night either, which doesn’t help! I do work, Gerda, full-time as a nurse in the operating room, so it’s busy, busy, busy. Even though you’re not allowed to assist surgeons while pregnant, you do relief tasks that make you run around and rush more, and I actually do a lot of other things that are risky (anesthesia for kids, so nitrous oxide!). My GP suggests I reduce my hours to 80%, but I don’t think that’s the solution.

My son is 14, so I don’t really have to worry about him much, just dropping him off and picking him up from school and making sure he has a meal, but we need to eat too, so...

@ Lynn: there’s an arrangement: his son comes to our place on weekends and half of the school holidays. The summer break really got to me; we went to the south of France together for 14 days, and my son and I were just there as decoration. My boyfriend didn’t even look at me; his son was the only one that mattered, even though he always lectures me about us forming a family.

I don’t know what to do right now, I hope time will bring clarity!
Thanks for your support, I really appreciate it!!!

That’s just awful that your friend is so negative about your pregnancy and says such mean things—that’s just not okay! And that he excludes you and your son once his little boy is here I understand that he misses him and wants to give him extra attention during the days he’s with you, but I think he doesn’t see (or doesn’t want to see) that he’s handling it in a way that hurts you.
I wish you lots of strength...

Oh wow, that sounds like such a tough situation!

First off, about the physical symptoms... Your hard belly could be coming from constipation. That can cause your uterus to contract.

I hope the high blood pressure is just from stress and that you don't have pre-eclampsia.

Maybe it's an option to live apart from your partner for a bit, so you can both find some peace. Maybe he needs to miss you a little... He doesn't see his son that often, so he naturally misses him. Maybe that'll make him realize he takes you for granted.

I find it quite an intense situation. We all shout sometimes when we're heated up in the heat of the moment. But did you both choose to have a child together? Was everything okay before you got pregnant?

Hi everyone,

Just got back from the doctor. My blood pressure is back to normal thanks to the rest, and I only had one hard stomach this past week. He’d prefer that I stop working or at least work half-days, but I still need to discuss this with the occupational health service at my job. I’ve never seen anyone work half-days in our department, and my head nurse thinks it’s only possible after I’ve been home for at least a month. I’ll know more next week. I wouldn’t really like being home already, but it’s all for the baby, right!

My boyfriend is back to his old self. I’ll just see his outburst as a darker side, a lion defending its cub, but I’m keeping it in mind. Forgive but not forget.

Thanks for your sympathy! x

Hey mama!
It's so typical how men can be driven crazy while their girlfriend is pregnant! It's also pretty natural if you're not pregnant, but now there's a little human being on the way.
I went through this with the dad of my son (14 now): we were trying for a baby and suddenly he couldn't care less, never showed up for check-ups, even wiped the video tape with the ultrasounds, son born at 6:30, he was gone by 7:30 etc. I found out a month after the birth that he'd been seeing someone else for a while. I chose to do it alone and never regretted it. It hurt a lot, of course, and seeing happy couples 'together' with their baby breaks your heart.
Think it over carefully mama, don't let his unpredictable behavior get to you, stand up for yourself and your child(ren)! Can't you talk to people who know him well?
Time brings wisdom girl and you can write it off here too.
Lots of strength!
Anne

It's just so weird. At first, he was super enthusiastic, immediately looking for names... telling the family. It's been up and downs. Sometimes he rubs my belly and gives the impression that he's looking forward to the little one, other times he's distant.
He's already been to the doctor a few times, but now that I told the doctor because I thought it was important given all the stress I've had, he'll probably not dare to come along anymore.
His family has already talked to him about it a lot, but you just can't really get into his world... but indeed, time brings advice ;-)

Love,

Mama