Babbles
I don't understand anything and I'm scared.
AnonymousGuest ·
Hi everyone,
I just got quite a shock. I don't know if I should be happy or not, but I'm really scared.
I'll start from the beginning. In April, I gave birth at 17 weeks to my baby boy who passed away. He died from a childhood illness I had caught. During the delivery, I was told that I should wait another 6 months before getting pregnant again, because I first needed to fully recover from the pregnancy. About 3 weeks after the birth, I also had a blood test to see if the virus was completely gone from my body. At that time, there were still some active cells present, but also antibodies for this virus (this blood test was at the beginning of my... ). So, to give everything a place to settle, to recover, and to be sure that the virus was really gone, we decided to use condoms for at least 5 months.
Now, I always have a very regular cycle, and since Saturday I've had this feeling like "it can't be" (I could feel it in everything), but the test was negative. So now I've tested again, and yes, two lines. I'm so scared right now, and at the same time so happy. But I really don't know what to do. Is that terrible virus gone? Will I lose this baby too? I really don't know how I'm supposed to feel, and I also don't understand how this could have happened. I also had an appointment in 2 months to get a tattoo (the hand of my deceased baby boy). Not that it's a problem to cancel, absolutely not, but I didn't expect this. I'm also afraid that my gynecologist will think I did this on purpose. I also feel very guilty towards my deceased child. My feelings are all over the place, and I really don't know what to do right now. Sorry, I just needed to get this off my chest..
I just got quite a shock. I don't know if I should be happy or not, but I'm really scared.
I'll start from the beginning. In April, I gave birth at 17 weeks to my baby boy who passed away. He died from a childhood illness I had caught. During the delivery, I was told that I should wait another 6 months before getting pregnant again, because I first needed to fully recover from the pregnancy. About 3 weeks after the birth, I also had a blood test to see if the virus was completely gone from my body. At that time, there were still some active cells present, but also antibodies for this virus (this blood test was at the beginning of my... ). So, to give everything a place to settle, to recover, and to be sure that the virus was really gone, we decided to use condoms for at least 5 months.
Now, I always have a very regular cycle, and since Saturday I've had this feeling like "it can't be" (I could feel it in everything), but the test was negative. So now I've tested again, and yes, two lines. I'm so scared right now, and at the same time so happy. But I really don't know what to do. Is that terrible virus gone? Will I lose this baby too? I really don't know how I'm supposed to feel, and I also don't understand how this could have happened. I also had an appointment in 2 months to get a tattoo (the hand of my deceased baby boy). Not that it's a problem to cancel, absolutely not, but I didn't expect this. I'm also afraid that my gynecologist will think I did this on purpose. I also feel very guilty towards my deceased child. My feelings are all over the place, and I really don't know what to do right now. Sorry, I just needed to get this off my chest..
Replies
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Anonymous Guest #2
If you always wore a condom, you really shouldn't blame yourself! You did everything you could to follow the medical advice, and this is just meant to be
Congratulations! -
Hartje #3
Makes total sense, can I put them on my to-read list?
1. Your son. What a heavy experience and sadness.. indeed, process it
2. Hormones from being pregnant. More emotional etc.
3. A new pregnancy. Always brings a lot of emotions!
4. The virus you've been exposed to: worries!
It's logical that you don't know how or what right now! Give yourself space. And I think it had to be like that! And don't let the gynecologist pressure you too much. Even if you did it on purpose, it's your body, your choice. They only have an advisory role.
Hugs and congratulations. Death and life are sometimes so painfully close together.. -
Falca #4
Given your situation, I can totally understand your fears. To help ease your mind, you could ask your GP for a blood test for that disease.
There’s nothing I can say that will make your grief over your little boy less. All I can say is that this baby will never replace your son, so don’t feel guilty. Instead, try to see this pregnancy as a gift from your son to his mother. That way, you’ll have something beautiful to love unconditionally and enjoy later on. That helped me too.
Some things just happen to you, no matter what you do.
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