Can't be sad

That's so sad to hear. I've never experienced it myself, but I don't think you're overreacting. No one else has a say in the fact that you felt your baby and heard its heartbeat—it's alive and it's a real little human. I think it's really awful that people dare to say such things!

Wishing you lots of strength, and everyone grieves in their own way. If you want to visit the grave, you should do that and not let others dictate how you feel!!

Once again, lots of strength

How intense. Pff you just have to process your grief in your own way. You can't replace one child with another. People who've had an early miscarriage already feel miserable when they lose their little one. And you, who could hold your little one, felt kicks, etc., shouldn't you be allowed to process it? Cry it out. Do your thing. Lots of strength, dear girl. Those people haven't experienced it themselves, which is why they talk like that. If they had gone through it themselves, they'd react the same way or even worse.

Wow, that's intense! And especially shameful that people react so rudely. From the moment you know you're pregnant, you love your baby. It may not be full-term yet, but it's already a unique soul to you. No one has the right to tell you how to handle this. It's your daughter, and you have to go through this process yourself. Just do what feels right for you!! Wishing you lots of strength, and just ignore those negative people.

Oh, what nasty reactions you're getting! Instead of support, it only makes your sadness heavier. You're handling it so well. Strength in your loss and processing..

For some people, unfortunately, it's true that they have no idea what you're going through unless they've experienced it themselves. Please don't let anyone get to you. Your pain is valid, just like your grief. You have the right to mourn for as long as you want and in your own way. You've lost a child, and that's something you'll carry with you for the rest of your life.

Wishing you lots of strength and digital hugs.

I agree with all the comments above.

It's actually good that you're processing it, I think. I wish you lots of strength and send you a virtual hug..

Oh, your story really touches me. I haven't gone through it myself, but I've had two early miscarriages that both affected me deeply, even though I was only 5-6 weeks pregnant. At the time, I felt like I wasn't allowed to be sad "because miscarriages happen so often" and "there will be another baby anyway." And while those things are true, they didn't comfort me because I had lost this baby, for whom I already had so many dreams for the future.

So I think you're absolutely allowed to be sad about this! It seems to me that it's very normal and good to be sad. Being sad means that you wanted that baby, that it was very welcome, and that you miss it now. Your sadness contains your love for that baby. It's not "just a fetus" you've lost; it's the dream of the future of this little person, all the plans you already made in your head about when it would be born, what it would be like later, ... 18 weeks is quite a long time; by then, you've probably already formed a bond with that little one growing inside you.

Let that sadness be there; go to the grave if it does you good, look at the photos, ... sadness is the way to give it a place. I wrote notes to the baby after my miscarriages, which helped me say goodbye. Everyone processes it in their own way, and you have the right to your own grief and processing.

Big hug!

Of course you're allowed to feel sad. At 18 weeks, you've already gotten so used to the thought of how your baby will be and how it feels now, that it's completely logical that you see it as a loss.

I went through it a different way, but I had a miscarriage at 7 weeks a while back. Even that was a "cheerful" miscarriage. I still had to make room for it, and I was quite sad. I also felt like I wasn't allowed to be sad about it from the outside world. I even had a discussion with the "father" recently, and he doesn't understand at all that I still see it as my baby, even though it was never there. Fortunately, my surroundings do understand that it's a loss in my life, and I've processed it in my own way.

Don't feel weird just because you're sad. If looking at the photos helps you process, then go ahead and put them out. I made a (not) birth announcement and a necklace myself, for example. That helped me a lot to process it. And through that, I also got to know my real friends who acknowledged my grief instead of ignoring it.

Hi everyone, I just want to thank you all so much for all your replies and experiences. It really helped me to share my story with people who truly understand how I feel. The comments often come from people who don't have kids yet or don't want any, so apparently they can't really imagine how I'm feeling. I want to wish all the girls who have also had a miscarriage, at any stage, lots of strength. And I hope that (if it hasn't happened yet) you'll soon get a healthy, beautiful baby.
Lots of love

Dear Anonymous. That's so heavy that you had to go through that. And it's so nice that you were able to take photos and can now visit a grave. You're not ashamed! Your surroundings could show a bit more empathy. You lost a baby...
Wishing you lots of strength with this loss.