Biechthoekje
daughter is going in the wrong direction....
AnonymousGuest ·
I don't really know how to explain this, but I'll just start.
16 years ago, my daughter A was born. I was 16 at the time too.
Before that time, I went through a lot of things that don't normally happen in your youth. It left open wounds and scars in my heart for the rest of my life. But I'm really afraid that A will get the same life as me and has already had a bit of it.
My mother also had me young (20 years old) and was alone because my father didn't want to help us. It was the same with me and my daughter. Her father stayed with us for another 3 months but then completely disappeared from our lives.
That's the first thing we already share.
But there are more things, I had a lot of stepfathers and some of them weren't decent (rape, mental abuse, and physical abuse).
This happened to my daughter too. One boyfriend I was with for 1 year mentally abused her when he had to watch her (he yelled at her saying she was so fat, said she ruined my life, said she was a terrible ugly, ungrateful child and that she could better die). When I found out, we broke up immediately.
But my daughter has carried this with her ever since because when she was about 10 years old, she developed an eating disorder, had behavioral problems at school, etc.
I myself also had a severe eating disorder for over 2 years when I was 13 (from anorexia to bulimia back to anorexia back to bulimia, etc.).
My daughter was constantly hanging over the toilet if she had eaten something small, ate extremely healthy and little. And it went like that for 4 years. Until she was so bad off that she was admitted to a clinic for half a year.
She eventually came out of it okay, but she had to stay in there and school was still not going well. She was very rude, yelled at teachers, and if fellow students didn't do something for her, she got angry and made sure the whole school would turn against that student.
Eventually, she did such terrible things that she was expelled from school.
I myself also changed schools 4 times back then due to behavioral problems and too many failing grades.
Now, a year later, all that is going well again, but 3 days ago I found a pregnancy test package.
I haven't asked about it yet because I don't know how to ask properly. What if she is pregnant now?
She has already had a terrible life up to now, but things are getting better now, is her life going to be turned upside down again?
16 years ago, my daughter A was born. I was 16 at the time too.
Before that time, I went through a lot of things that don't normally happen in your youth. It left open wounds and scars in my heart for the rest of my life. But I'm really afraid that A will get the same life as me and has already had a bit of it.
My mother also had me young (20 years old) and was alone because my father didn't want to help us. It was the same with me and my daughter. Her father stayed with us for another 3 months but then completely disappeared from our lives.
That's the first thing we already share.
But there are more things, I had a lot of stepfathers and some of them weren't decent (rape, mental abuse, and physical abuse).
This happened to my daughter too. One boyfriend I was with for 1 year mentally abused her when he had to watch her (he yelled at her saying she was so fat, said she ruined my life, said she was a terrible ugly, ungrateful child and that she could better die). When I found out, we broke up immediately.
But my daughter has carried this with her ever since because when she was about 10 years old, she developed an eating disorder, had behavioral problems at school, etc.
I myself also had a severe eating disorder for over 2 years when I was 13 (from anorexia to bulimia back to anorexia back to bulimia, etc.).
My daughter was constantly hanging over the toilet if she had eaten something small, ate extremely healthy and little. And it went like that for 4 years. Until she was so bad off that she was admitted to a clinic for half a year.
She eventually came out of it okay, but she had to stay in there and school was still not going well. She was very rude, yelled at teachers, and if fellow students didn't do something for her, she got angry and made sure the whole school would turn against that student.
Eventually, she did such terrible things that she was expelled from school.
I myself also changed schools 4 times back then due to behavioral problems and too many failing grades.
Now, a year later, all that is going well again, but 3 days ago I found a pregnancy test package.
I haven't asked about it yet because I don't know how to ask properly. What if she is pregnant now?
She has already had a terrible life up to now, but things are getting better now, is her life going to be turned upside down again?
Replies
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Anonymous Guest #2
By the way, things at home are going well as usual (they always have been). She's always been very caring towards her little brother and sisters. And I'm also very close to her. -
proud_mommy #3
Wow, that's intense, phew.
I'd just ask her directly. That way you also let her know you're there for her. This is the moment she needs you the most. Good luck and stay strong. -
Falca #4
I also think that's the only thing you can do. Ask her about it in an open conversation and make it clear that you're there for her no matter what has happened. And if she's not pregnant, talk to her about what it meant for you to have her at such a young age. Both the good things, after all you have a daughter you love with all your heart, but also how hard it is to manage everything around caring for a baby at that age and what that entails. And then hopefully you can look together at what suits her best to prevent her from being in uncertainty again at a time when she didn't consciously choose it. And well, if she is pregnant, you can't do anything other than still let her know that you love her and that you support her choice, whatever she decides. Optionally, if she needs it, you can look together at what consequences each choice would have. But in my opinion, the choice should be hers.
Lots of strength and don't blame yourself, you can't protect your children from everything. You can only prepare them as best as possible for life.
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