Babbles
A second baby?
CitadellaGuest ·
We have a son who’s almost 17 months old, and after a tough year, we’re now really enjoying him.
Just a bit of background:
My partner and I have been together for 10 years, and the last 2.5 years have been really intense. During my pregnancy, my mom passed away from cancer after an 11-month illness. It hit me really hard. With all the pregnancy hormones on top of that, it was just tough. I always tried to stay strong—I had to—but last year, a lot of that grief came out. I got help from a psychologist, and luckily, I’m doing well now. I feel like I’m living again. My partner and I went through a very deep valley together, but we managed to come out together. We’ve proven we can overcome the strongest storms. That makes me proud. I’m just proud of our family.
Our son also had a tough first year. We barely slept through the night. We visited the GP/pediatrician often. He had hidden reflux, and later on, we found out he has a cow’s milk allergy, and he had a lot of nighttime panic. Luckily, things have calmed down again…
Do we feel like a complete family? Well, no. Plain language, right? Now that everything is back on track, we’re thinking about having a second child. We always said we didn’t want to wait too long. My son loves playing with other kids; he’s a social boy. Still, I have some questions and I’m not completely convinced. I never will be, because I’m a huge overthinker. My partner, however, wants to go for it and stands firmly behind it. So now, it’s up to me.
Can I handle it? My perfectionism might get in the way… What if we get another ‘tough’ first year? Sleep deprivation is really killing! And oh no, I have to get pregnant again. I realize that my last pregnancy was marked by illness and the loss of my mom, and that a new pregnancy could turn out very differently and also positively. But still… and imagine if my partner ever leaves me?! Of course, none of us have a crystal ball and no one has certainty about the future. I mainly worry about practical things: is it all doable with a second child? Is a second child more expensive? I think too much and worry too much about the future, forgetting to enjoy and live in the present. I really need to learn that. We both have good jobs and financially we’re doing well. The house is big enough to welcome a second child...
I’m also dreading the baby phase, but that’s just part of it. We got through the first year with our son, so with a second one, it’ll surely work out too. We’re all feeling better within the family, we’ve picked up the thread again, but I still keep doubting.
Is there anyone here who can reassure me? Or give me confirmation? I need confidence… Before my son was born, I was also afraid I wouldn’t be able to handle it all, but now it’s going so fantastically well. That gives me a good feeling. I think I’m made for motherhood, but I still have fears.
Also, it might be good to mention that I have PCOS. The gynecologist said the first pregnancy was a lucky break. How long will it take to get pregnant this time? Will it even work? I’ve made it clear to myself that I don’t want to go through the medical mill, but well, I can’t say for sure yet, because maybe we’ll be in a different place later on.
Deep down, I know the answer and would love to bring another miracle into the world… What do you think, turn off logic and go for it? There are so many families with two kids. Why wouldn’t it work for us?
Just a bit of background:
My partner and I have been together for 10 years, and the last 2.5 years have been really intense. During my pregnancy, my mom passed away from cancer after an 11-month illness. It hit me really hard. With all the pregnancy hormones on top of that, it was just tough. I always tried to stay strong—I had to—but last year, a lot of that grief came out. I got help from a psychologist, and luckily, I’m doing well now. I feel like I’m living again. My partner and I went through a very deep valley together, but we managed to come out together. We’ve proven we can overcome the strongest storms. That makes me proud. I’m just proud of our family.
Our son also had a tough first year. We barely slept through the night. We visited the GP/pediatrician often. He had hidden reflux, and later on, we found out he has a cow’s milk allergy, and he had a lot of nighttime panic. Luckily, things have calmed down again…
Do we feel like a complete family? Well, no. Plain language, right? Now that everything is back on track, we’re thinking about having a second child. We always said we didn’t want to wait too long. My son loves playing with other kids; he’s a social boy. Still, I have some questions and I’m not completely convinced. I never will be, because I’m a huge overthinker. My partner, however, wants to go for it and stands firmly behind it. So now, it’s up to me.
Can I handle it? My perfectionism might get in the way… What if we get another ‘tough’ first year? Sleep deprivation is really killing! And oh no, I have to get pregnant again. I realize that my last pregnancy was marked by illness and the loss of my mom, and that a new pregnancy could turn out very differently and also positively. But still… and imagine if my partner ever leaves me?! Of course, none of us have a crystal ball and no one has certainty about the future. I mainly worry about practical things: is it all doable with a second child? Is a second child more expensive? I think too much and worry too much about the future, forgetting to enjoy and live in the present. I really need to learn that. We both have good jobs and financially we’re doing well. The house is big enough to welcome a second child...
I’m also dreading the baby phase, but that’s just part of it. We got through the first year with our son, so with a second one, it’ll surely work out too. We’re all feeling better within the family, we’ve picked up the thread again, but I still keep doubting.
Is there anyone here who can reassure me? Or give me confirmation? I need confidence… Before my son was born, I was also afraid I wouldn’t be able to handle it all, but now it’s going so fantastically well. That gives me a good feeling. I think I’m made for motherhood, but I still have fears.
Also, it might be good to mention that I have PCOS. The gynecologist said the first pregnancy was a lucky break. How long will it take to get pregnant this time? Will it even work? I’ve made it clear to myself that I don’t want to go through the medical mill, but well, I can’t say for sure yet, because maybe we’ll be in a different place later on.
Deep down, I know the answer and would love to bring another miracle into the world… What do you think, turn off logic and go for it? There are so many families with two kids. Why wouldn’t it work for us?
Replies
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floydi #2
Hi girl, all your doubts make you a really good mom. You're doing everything consciously, and it's logical that you don't want to disturb the peace at home, but it sounds like your wish is bigger. I'd say turn off your brain (if you can, haha) - the basics are fine, and your doubts just make you an even better mom! -
Hartje #3
I also say, turn your brain off and go for it! You live day by day, taking each day as it comes. If you had to do it all in one go for the whole year, it wouldn't work, but doing a little bit each day definitely does! And think about all the beautiful things you're going to experience, amazing, right?
Before that happens, first get pregnant, then spend another 9 months pregnant—all that time to mentally prepare yourself and grow into it. It's not for nothing, you know... It'll all work out
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MamaN #4
Exactly what the girls are saying for me.
I had doubts too when I got pregnant with the second one. My oldest was 18 months old then. I also didn't know how I was going to handle everything. The oldest slept more often than not.. hormones. The pregnancy was actually fine, except for the pelvic instability. In the end, my second, now 5.5 months old, is a very easy baby! Much easier than the first. And you're naturally much more relaxed and experienced yourself. Last week we were sick with both kids for the first time, and yes, that's tough and double. But we survived that too
It's going really well, girl. It all kind of happens on its own. And financially, you already know roughly what it costs because it's just one extra added on. And you can make it as expensive as you want.
Love
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