Biechthoekje
Just letting off some steam from my heart
AnonymousGuest ·
Hi everyone,
Two months ago I gave birth to a beautiful daughter. Our second child. I also have a toddler of 2.5 years running around. Now I'm really going through a tough time. My oldest has been sick a lot these past months and needs a lot of attention. On top of that, I'm breastfeeding and I'm definitely out of bed two or three times a night for the baby. I'm doing it all with love and never complain... but I'm really struggling with myself right now. I have terrible back pain, it's probably a herniated disc. I'm getting an MRI next week to see where it is. A hernia, two kids, and a body full of hormones is really, really hard... I hardly dare to say this to anyone, I just push through the pain, but I cry silently every evening. I really can't handle it anymore! My husband acts like it's nothing, that I'm faking it, and he doesn't even want to come with me to the MRI next week. While I'm actually really scared and would love for him to come with me. He does help a bit with the housework and the kids. But just an arm around me and actually asking how I'm doing isn't there. I'm getting more and more the feeling that I'm a burden to him with my "ailments" and notice that I'm closing myself off more and more. I feel really depressed and find it hard to get out of it right now because I can't do much fun stuff due to the back pain. I do enjoy my kids, but it should be much more. I just feel like I'm not taking any steps forward and just standing still...
I really wanted to share my feelings anonymously. It already feels like a relief when I notice I'm writing about it..
Two months ago I gave birth to a beautiful daughter. Our second child. I also have a toddler of 2.5 years running around. Now I'm really going through a tough time. My oldest has been sick a lot these past months and needs a lot of attention. On top of that, I'm breastfeeding and I'm definitely out of bed two or three times a night for the baby. I'm doing it all with love and never complain... but I'm really struggling with myself right now. I have terrible back pain, it's probably a herniated disc. I'm getting an MRI next week to see where it is. A hernia, two kids, and a body full of hormones is really, really hard... I hardly dare to say this to anyone, I just push through the pain, but I cry silently every evening. I really can't handle it anymore! My husband acts like it's nothing, that I'm faking it, and he doesn't even want to come with me to the MRI next week. While I'm actually really scared and would love for him to come with me. He does help a bit with the housework and the kids. But just an arm around me and actually asking how I'm doing isn't there. I'm getting more and more the feeling that I'm a burden to him with my "ailments" and notice that I'm closing myself off more and more. I feel really depressed and find it hard to get out of it right now because I can't do much fun stuff due to the back pain. I do enjoy my kids, but it should be much more. I just feel like I'm not taking any steps forward and just standing still...
I really wanted to share my feelings anonymously. It already feels like a relief when I notice I'm writing about it..
Replies
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BM #2
Well, that’s no small thing! Men are generally not the most empathetic creatures, and they completely miss hints.
Have you tried pointing out how sad/anxious you are during a ‘calm’ moment (as much as those exist)? Sometimes they can actually do something with that… if not, do you have someone else in your circle who can lend you a hand?
Don’t put too much pressure on yourself right now about ‘having to enjoy’. Sometimes you just don’t have to do anything. As long as you give your kids love, they won’t lack anything. And if you don’t take care of yourself (physically and emotionally), you won’t be able to keep up with taking good care of them. -
Anonymous Guest #3
Thanks for your reply! We talk a lot, but it’s not really sinking in for him… he’s always so stubborn and lacks empathy. It’s largely due to his upbringing, but that doesn’t make it any less tough for me… Especially right now, all I want is someone to put an arm around me. I do have lots of friends and my parents I can rely on… but I find it hard because I don’t want to complain either. My inner voice keeps telling me I should be able to handle everything myself and take care of the kids on my own. Nonsense, I know that myself too. But I just can’t bring myself to “let go.” Plus, I feel like people can’t really help much because the main issue is the pain in my back… You’re completely right about taking care of myself… I just don’t know how to break out of this cycle… -
Ster #4
Asking for help isn't giving up, it's actually a very brave step. Try to find that courage. It's no small thing what you're struggling with. I advise you to call someone today and tell them that you can't go on and ask if they can help you. You'll see that they'll be happy to do so. And maybe you'll even get blamed for not coming to them sooner with your request for help. I'd definitely give you that blame if I were your friend. I'm always there for my friends. Good luck and lots of courage. -
Blotevoeteninhetgras #5
Back pain is also incredibly tough... it's the center of your body. And the baby you're naturally lifting doesn't help either.
What you can do is take the little one into bed with you at night and feed them like that (you'll sleep longer and more, and can stay comfortably lying down).
Is it maybe possible to stay for a few days with the little one at your parents' place, for example? That way your husband can take care of the oldest, and you might get some rest.
Make sure to let him know how important it is that he goes with you to the MRI because you're scared. I can't imagine him saying no. Strength to you.
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