Biechthoekje
Relationship, pregnant, affair
weethetnietmeer
Okay, where do I even begin...
Last year, I stopped taking the pill because I really wanted a baby. My husband finally agreed after years of being happy with it, so we did our best to get pregnant.
Unfortunately, our relationship has had its ups and downs. My husband went through a period of depression and got help for it. He works a lot, and our relationship has fallen into a rut for me.
There was also quite a bit of irritation; he felt like I was pushing way too hard to get pregnant. I thought it wasn't that bad.
In the meantime, I've fallen in love with a colleague, and I just can't ignore these feelings. I need to do something about this. I was shocked to realize I could fall in love with someone else, and I honestly don't know what to do. I think the many ups and downs in our relationship are the cause, which is why I've let this happen.
It feels so good, but on the other hand, I don't want to risk my relationship.
My husband suspected I was seeing someone else, but I kept denying it because I didn't want to hurt him. I'm afraid he might relapse. He suspects it because I've started paying more attention to my appearance and dressing more sexy. I keep denying it.
In the meantime, I've been pregnant for a while (with my husband's child; my colleague can't have kids), and I'm very happy about it. My husband is happy too and tries his best to be good to me and support me. He's definitely not voicing those suspicions anymore.
However, I find myself criticizing him more and more and getting irritated by him. Especially after I've had a date with my colleague. He tries, but he just can't get it right. I find that unpleasant, but I can't ignore the attention and the feelings, and I realize I feel more for my colleague than I thought. He gives me so much more attention than my husband ever has.
I just don't want to break up the relationship, especially now that I'm pregnant and my desire for a child is finally coming true.
My colleague knows I'm pregnant with my husband's child. He also knows our relationship isn't as good as I thought. He was shocked by this, but we keep seeing each other. It feels so good!
Still, I feel caught between a rock and a hard place and don't really know what to do.
On one hand, I know I'm bringing a child into the world and risking my relationship, but I can't resist the affair I'm having with my colleague.
What should I do?
Last year, I stopped taking the pill because I really wanted a baby. My husband finally agreed after years of being happy with it, so we did our best to get pregnant.
Unfortunately, our relationship has had its ups and downs. My husband went through a period of depression and got help for it. He works a lot, and our relationship has fallen into a rut for me.
There was also quite a bit of irritation; he felt like I was pushing way too hard to get pregnant. I thought it wasn't that bad.
In the meantime, I've fallen in love with a colleague, and I just can't ignore these feelings. I need to do something about this. I was shocked to realize I could fall in love with someone else, and I honestly don't know what to do. I think the many ups and downs in our relationship are the cause, which is why I've let this happen.
It feels so good, but on the other hand, I don't want to risk my relationship.
My husband suspected I was seeing someone else, but I kept denying it because I didn't want to hurt him. I'm afraid he might relapse. He suspects it because I've started paying more attention to my appearance and dressing more sexy. I keep denying it.
In the meantime, I've been pregnant for a while (with my husband's child; my colleague can't have kids), and I'm very happy about it. My husband is happy too and tries his best to be good to me and support me. He's definitely not voicing those suspicions anymore.
However, I find myself criticizing him more and more and getting irritated by him. Especially after I've had a date with my colleague. He tries, but he just can't get it right. I find that unpleasant, but I can't ignore the attention and the feelings, and I realize I feel more for my colleague than I thought. He gives me so much more attention than my husband ever has.
I just don't want to break up the relationship, especially now that I'm pregnant and my desire for a child is finally coming true.
My colleague knows I'm pregnant with my husband's child. He also knows our relationship isn't as good as I thought. He was shocked by this, but we keep seeing each other. It feels so good!
Still, I feel caught between a rock and a hard place and don't really know what to do.
On one hand, I know I'm bringing a child into the world and risking my relationship, but I can't resist the affair I'm having with my colleague.
What should I do?
Replies
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Hartje #2
Every new relationship is exciting and fun, do you still remember the beginning of your relationship with your partner?
I think you're playing with fire and should stick with your current partner, it's also just fairer to him. What if it was the other way around and he did that to you? Then you would have felt pretty messed up.
I think it's precisely during the tough times that you should stay loyal to each other, otherwise you'll never get there because the period you're having with your partner now, you'll undoubtedly also have with your colleague couple if you were to continue with them.
If my husband didn't think like that, he'd have plenty of reason to look around outside, I really live a bit in my own little world during my pregnancy and sometimes find it hard to approach him as being in love, so to speak. So I just try to cook nicely, so to speak. But we both know, we're going for it and in a few months that feeling of being in love will really come back and burst forth.
Put some extra effort into your relationship by dressing 'sexy' for him, going out to eat or a weekend getaway. Sometimes you have to put in some effort to get a lot of attention from your guy again, but it's worth it.
Congratulations on your pregnancy by the way
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Moedertjuh #3
Well... falling in love with someone else can always happen. But be honest and end the current relationship. I couldn't look myself in the mirror if I were lying and cheating like that. And then to bring a child into the mix as well. I raise my kids with the idea that no one is perfect and we feel what we feel, but be honest! Don't lie. I don't know what you want to give your child(ren) in life... right now, you're not setting a good example. But that's just my opinion. -
anoniem22 #4
You were already in love with your colleague, and now you're becoming consciously pregnant by your husband... I find that pretty selfish, and also that you're continuing those meetings... A marriage doesn't always go smoothly, but what's nicer for a child than having papa and mama together? I have divorced parents since I was ten... and my in-laws have been together for 25 years with a whole lot of ups and downs, believe me. And indeed, as said above, in the beginning you always have butterflies. How long will you find that colleague attractive? I would definitely go for your husband now that you're pregnant and stop those meetings, or tell him honestly—that's your choice, but I don't think you can just keep going like this; you're carrying his child... -
Jootje #5
1 thing I don't get... how can you, for heaven's sake, look at another man when you already have a man? It sounds like... let's see who I'd rather have. But think about your man too. What you're doing to him. Especially now that you're pregnant. -
Anonymous Guest #6
You're asking what you should do. Actually, you already know what you should do morally. You need to be honest with your husband, yourself, and your colleague. (I'm not saying you have to confess everything; that's up to you, but you do need to make a choice.) The sooner you do this, the less painful it will be. You can't keep living off two wallets forever without it eventually going wrong. That's not fair to your husband or your future child.
If you don't want to ruin your relationship with your husband, then cut contact with that colleague. If you feel like you're not happy in your current relationship and it's not going to get better (even with help), then be honest about that with your husband. Right now, you're just stringing him along. To be blunt, you're being very selfish right now and not considering the other person's feelings; otherwise, you wouldn't be doing this. That's why you feel guilty. -
Vlinder87 #7
I wonder what you've done or not done, or are going to do?
How is your pregnancy going? -
Blotevoeteninhetgras #8
You should never stay in a relationship out of guilt, and I suspect that’s what’s going on with you, given your husband’s previous depression. I was in a relationship myself and was just pregnant, but I still left because I didn’t think this man was responsible enough for a child, and he wasn’t willing to change.
Still, I’m glad I made the choice to leave back then. I met a man with whom I’m still happy today. Choose what makes you (more) happy. What does that little voice inside you say when you feel good? Then make the choice.
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