Biechthoekje
My partner is doubting me as a mother.
GeheimGuest ·
I'm confused and sad. Unplanned pregnancy, but the baby is definitely welcome, I just need to get used to it. But now I'm having problems with my husband, with whom I've had more children. He's questioning my relationship with the kids. I see myself as a loving, caring mother who sometimes struggles, just like other moms.
My husband hasn't worked in years and I think he just doesn't want to. He says he doesn't trust me at home with me, and that's eating away at me. His only reason is that I don't have much natural authority. I think it's nonsense and want him to go to work.
Because he doesn't work, I go back to work and take on everything. Then I can't handle the pressure to work full-time, get sick from stress, and develop depressive symptoms. When I'm home for a while, he doesn't think I do anything right around the house. The household and kids, etc., every day nagging. Then after a while I go back to work because someone has to step up and he doesn't. Then I push myself again and get sick again.
Now pregnant and he doubts my ability as a mother for this child too... it makes me so sad.
My husband hasn't worked in years and I think he just doesn't want to. He says he doesn't trust me at home with me, and that's eating away at me. His only reason is that I don't have much natural authority. I think it's nonsense and want him to go to work.
Because he doesn't work, I go back to work and take on everything. Then I can't handle the pressure to work full-time, get sick from stress, and develop depressive symptoms. When I'm home for a while, he doesn't think I do anything right around the house. The household and kids, etc., every day nagging. Then after a while I go back to work because someone has to step up and he doesn't. Then I push myself again and get sick again.
Now pregnant and he doubts my ability as a mother for this child too... it makes me so sad.
Replies
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Mama-An #2
Sorry to say it, but I don't think this is a normal situation. Have you considered talking to someone about this? It seems only logical that he should go back to work (assuming there's no medical limitation). Maybe you could then work a day less and relax more. It's good to do something about this, because this doesn't seem like a sustainable situation.
In the situation with your kids, maybe you could bring someone in. It's possible that due to fatigue and stress, you have less desire to argue with your kids, and therefore in his eyes, you're not strict enough. I believe you both should put effort into your work and your family, and if he doesn't have the "desire" to do that, I think you're better off without him. -
Ikke88 #3
It sounds awful if your partner doesn't trust you in raising the kids. Maybe you should talk about it (with an impartial person)?
I think this also makes the relationship very unbalanced, which isn't good. -
Anonymous Guest #4
Assuming he’s always home, he’ll take care of most of the parenting and household chores, right? Like a modern stay-at-home dad? He’s not just sitting around all day expecting you to do it all too, especially if you’re working, is he?
I definitely think couple’s therapy would be a good idea for you two. It’s really concerning that he doesn’t trust you with your own kids.
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