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Should I go for a new pregnancy or not?

5 replies

IkkeJ
Hi everyone,
My partner and I are facing a dilemma. We had an abortion in mid-October because we knew it would be better for the baby. But we've realized that we have so much regret ourselves, and the pain is almost unbearable at times. Now we're thinking about getting pregnant again and just going for it, despite our living situation (staying at his parents' in a small, busy house) and me still needing to finish my studies.
What's your advice? I hope we're not just wanting to get pregnant now to fill the void left by our baby.
Xx IkkeJ

Replies

  1. floydi #2

    Hi there,
    That’s tough for you both!
    In my circle, I’ve seen how an abortion can weigh heavily on people, and how afterward, the desire to get pregnant again can become very strong. Sometimes, I think that’s part of the processing, and the feelings will pass. How soon after the abortion did you start wanting children again?
    Of course, it could also be that your first pregnancy opened your eyes and you’re truly ready for a baby. Only you know that for sure
    Are there any options to adjust your living situation in the coming year? Moving in together? A quiet place of your own is really important for you, your partner, and a baby, but there’s plenty of time to create something.
    Strength and love,
    Floydi

  2. IkkeJ started this #3

    Hi Floydi,
    It's really tough since the new year started.
    There are people close to us who are pregnant, and it's very confronting because they're so happy, and we couldn't be.
    We're looking for a house but it's really difficult. We depend on our jobs, so we need to stay in the area. But there are hardly any rental houses available here. But with a statement that you're pregnant, my friend says you get some urgency.
    The whole thing from three months ago and now the realization and stuff have shown us that having a baby is a really big wish for both of us.

  3. Moedertjuh #4

    I think you made a well-thought-out decision back then. What you're experiencing now is also part of the processing. Getting pregnant again in this situation doesn't seem ideal to me either. And using a pregnancy to get a house faster isn't smart, in my opinion. What if there's really nothing available? I'd focus on finishing your education first. That'll be much harder with a kid. But that's just my advice... I studied and worked as a single mom, and it was really tough.

  4. Amy #5

    I think I also replied in your first topic.
    At that time, you made a difficult choice that was best for you both. All the factors that led you to decide abortion was the best option are still present now.
    I think you're still processing the abortion right now, and that's what's influencing your current thoughts.
    If you really want to have a baby together now, you know what you need to do: address and resolve the concerns you had back then.

    As for getting pregnant and then facing urgency:
    Nowadays, you almost never get urgent care when you're pregnant. Having children is seen as your own responsibility.

  5. Hartje #6

    I'm also thinking about processing it. You mentioned before that you had a hard time with the abortion. Maybe you want to talk about it (maybe awkwardly put)?
    Children do need a stable environment, that's my experience..

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