Forum Nice chat

I really don't dare to be happy

15 replies

Zaandam-1989
Hi dears,

I recently posted a message saying 'pregnant but would anyone be happy for us'. The responses did me so much good! Really thanks! I just can't reply.. weird? If I scroll down after the replies there is a box to reply but I can't write anything there. It says: to reply you must be in the pregnancy forum.....

but anyway this message isn't about that

According to my own calculation, I am now 5 weeks and 4 days pregnant. And I really don't dare to be happy. At first I was so happy and joyful and now: it seems like my emotions are turned off and I only know fear.

I don't dare to enjoy, don't dare to be happy because I only think: I have to wait for the first ultrasound and if they hear a heartbeat and it looks good then I may cautiously be a little happy... I have the first ultrasound at 8 weeks pregnant. So I have to wait another 3 weeks... KILLING.

I'm really annoyed that I don't have pimples, don't feel nauseous or have sore breasts! If I had that now I would at least have the feeling that something is going on.. Now I only feel a small prick now and then at the bottom of my belly. It's not really period pain, more just a small prick...

I was pregnant once before and unfortunately had to terminate it. I DID have sore breasts then, really sore! At 5 weeks. And also a lot of pimples...... why not now then.. yes ok every pregnancy is different of course i know.. but I start worrying about this again..

My boyfriend gave me the book 'the nine month challenge' today, super sweet of him. And I just thought I don't want to read it I don't want to know... soon I'll be happy with nothing.. only at eight weeks we'll see..

Is this normal now? So much fear?

I even called the midwife today, I read that many women are allowed an ultrasound at 6 weeks pregnant and found it weird that I can only go at 8 weeks. But that's because at 6 weeks they often don't hear a heartbeat yet and you have to come back anyway. At 7 weeks there is basically a audible heartbeat she said so just to be safe they sit one week later, in case your own calculation isn't quite right...

I know from myself that I'm a huge worrier and worry very quickly.. but this is really not nice.

Looking forward to your experiences

Replies

  1. chantal #2

    Hi Zaandam1989, I can really feel the anxiety in your post.
    I totally, so, so, so get you—it’s all so incredibly exciting, and I’m also 24/7 thinking about it, feeling everything!
    I’ve had two miscarriages here, so it’s natural that you’re extra scared and unsure.
    But really, believe me, try not to stress too much—that’s so bad for your baby.
    During my first pregnancy, I had so much stress and ended up having a miscarriage. There’s no certainty that it was caused by that, but it’s just so awful.
    Try to stay calm and not overdo it. Fear is definitely part of it, I think for everyone, but don’t let it get too overwhelming!
    I’m not shouting it from the rooftops either, and I’m scared of many things too, but I’m trying to enjoy it a bit already!

  2. Lena #3

    I didn't really dare to be too happy about the ultrasound either. I didn't really dare to believe it, or something like that.
    I think it's normal. You're definitely not the only one!

    Try not to overthink it too much, that's not good for your little one either. It helped me to think as calmly as possible. Things will happen as they happen. Worrying and stressing won't help you at all. Just assume that everything is fine.
    Just wait until the ultrasound. And then it'll be REAL. At least for me, it only felt truly real after the scan.

  3. irene #4

    Hi zaandam_1989
    First of all, congratulations again on your pregnancy. I also read your previous post. It's quite a heavy story.
    I'm now around 9 weeks. I have pimples, sore breasts, and I'm mainly feeling nauseous in the evenings. The pimples are absolutely terrible. I'm 32 and still dealing with pimples, so I really don't want them anymore. Everyone seems to experience things differently. I'm also feeling insecure. Am I doing it right? Do I feel okay? Is there really a baby in my belly? What if there's nothing on the ultrasound? I have the ultrasound in a few days. I mean, I think everyone feels insecure in some way. Hopefully, talking about it with people here helps.

  4. Kelly #5

    Hey everyone, I'm 6 weeks pregnant tomorrow and had a miscarriage in March 2016 and August 2017. Now I'm 6 weeks pregnant again and can't believe it. I'm also really scared it'll go wrong again. I don't have many symptoms. I do have a bump and sometimes some sharp stabs in my belly, but I'm not really nauseous, or only for a short time. I'm just afraid that nothing will be visible on the ultrasound. But I'm trying to stay positive as long as there's no bleeding, it'll be okay, right? My first ultrasound is on Dec 13. I have a son who's almost 7.

  5. chantal #6

    @kelly your story sounds like mine too, miscarriage last year in March and last August too!
    How far along were you during the miscarriages?
    I'm now 10 weeks pregnant. At six weeks I still had few symptoms, though I did have sore breasts and little twinges in my belly that I still get regularly.
    Starting at 7 weeks, the vomiting began!!
    I understand your fear sooooo well!!!!

  6. Kelly #7

    I didn't know I was pregnant during my first miscarriage. I just thought I had a longer cycle. I sometimes had cycles of more than 40 days. But then suddenly heavy bleeding and it turned out to be a miscarriage. I had a D&C. So the first miscarriage was at around 5 weeks. In August it was at 7 weeks. I was on vacation. I did know I was pregnant and then suddenly light bleeding and so another miscarriage. Luckily I didn't have to have a D&C this time. And apparently I got pregnant again quickly. I used ovulation tests so I knew perfectly well I was on a 34-day cycle. So normally tomorrow I'll be 6 weeks pregnant. I have slightly tender breasts when I press on them. But I'm not tired or nauseous yet. Sometimes I feel like gagging but nothing more. I also have little twinges in my tummy. Sometimes on the left and sometimes on the right. And then I immediately think oh no, I'm not going to get my period again! Just panic because of the 2 miscarriages. Really hoping for a good ultrasound on Dec 13. Have you had one yet?

  7. chantal #8

    So sad, all of it, bah.
    I've already had two ultrasounds, the first at 7.3 weeks, the second at 9.5 weeks, and then another one this Friday!
    Now my symptoms are easing up a bit, which is making me panic again. Luckily, last Friday I had a really nice, good ultrasound with a moving baby on the screen, so beautiful, but it's still nerve-wracking.

  8. Kelly #9

    I’m not letting myself feel anything for now. If I do and it’s not good, it’ll just be another big disappointment. So I’ll wait and see what happens. I do get heartburn after hot meals, and my stomach feels bloated in the evenings. Did you have a good feeling about the first ultrasound? I’m happy for you that you’ve already had two nice ultrasounds, though it’s a small comfort. I won’t feel happy until I hear something positive on December 13th. I try not to think about it, but it’s so hard.

  9. chantal #10

    You don't need to call me "u"!!
    This time I had a completely different feeling about the pregnancy, I can't really explain it but I feel more positive somehow even though I was/am very insecure.
    And you shouldn't stress him too much either, that's bad for the baby too!
    And still I think it's always better if you're a bit more positive yourself..

  10. Hartje #11

    I used to check every time I went to the toilet during my first pregnancy to see if I had any bleeding. This time around, it's a bit less. But I can't really enjoy it either because I keep worrying that something might go wrong. It's a shame; you just don't enjoy it as much. I'm not stressing out, but I'm kind of pushing away the feeling of being pregnant. Now I'm feeling the babies more and more, and luckily, you can't push that away, so I'm starting to cherish them more.

    Kelly, unfortunately or fortunately, you can't tell how the baby is doing based on your symptoms. We have to have endless patience. But I understand that you're still a bit reserved at first. Hopefully, you can let that go after some good ultrasound scans!

  11. Kelly #12

    For me, it's actually like that too: I don't really feel stressed, but I don't want to let myself feel like I'm pregnant. 1. Because for now I can't really think positively, and 2. because I don't feel much of being pregnant. I felt this more during my previous pregnancies that ended in miscarriage. So let's hope that this is a good sign that I feel less now. And as long as I don't have any bleeding, I'm quite positive about it. Today is 6 weeks normally, so let those symptoms start a bit ????. I do have heartburn after eating though.

  12. Hartje #13

    Know what you want, otherwise at 10 weeks you'll be hanging over the toilet 3 times a day I'm trying not to stress about being less enthusiastic now, it'll come naturally, maybe even when I hold the baby for the first time. I'm crazy about my son, it'll definitely work out with these two too!

  13. Kelly #14

    Voila, that's positive thinking. I'm going to start doing that too, to think like that. Just let everything take its course. Stress doesn't help at all. And actually, I'm enjoying the fact that I don't have a bunch of stuff yet. Because yeah, hanging over the pot isn't something I want either. Are you expecting twins?

  14. Hartje #15

    Yeah, and everyone is super excited about it, and I wonder if they'll even survive the pregnancy, silly right.
    Good job, that'll go better one time than the other. Tip: buy a little slipper or something in advance, it's still a baby and a pregnancy, and pain is allowed if something goes wrong.. Here I bought four rompers, they're at the bottom of the closet but they're there

  15. Kelly #16

    So those question marks are just normal smileys

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