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Twin shock...

17 replies

D.
Hi everyone,
this is my first time on a forum, but I'm finding that there's a real need for connection with moms who are pregnant with twins or who already have that experience.
I'm 8 weeks and 3 days pregnant today.
On Thursday, we found out it's a twin pregnancy...
Now, many people might say how lovely and special this is, but that's not how I experienced it at the time, and I feel a bit ashamed about it...
A year ago, I was diagnosed with PCOS. Getting an ovulation seemed like no certainty for me. After losing some weight, it seemed like some movement had returned.
However, this desire for children and whether or not I'd succeed took an emotional toll on me... we decided to stop focusing on it and just let life happen.
That same month, I got pregnant. Of course, I was very scared because this seemed like a miracle to us and something to cherish deeply.
I never thought I'd have a good ovulation again, let alone maybe two...
We wanted to go home after the first ultrasound with a euphoric feeling if the heartbeats were there.
Two beating hearts is very special, but it has also completely caught us off guard..
Can we handle this, in every way, financially, practically...
But my heart just breaks at the thought that maybe one of them will feel less love because I'll have to share it...
I've cried my eyes out, I'm scared and insecure...
A first child was already a miracle, two is a wonder... but I'm so angry at myself that there was no room for euphoria... as if one of them isn't wanted, others might think. But it just overwhelms us all...
Is this relatable? Will it all work out in the end? Or should I just feel ashamed because I managed to get pregnant and with twins no less...

Replies

  1. Hartje #2

    Hi fellow mom-to-be! Yeah, it's silly that there's so little info out there! Your world is turned upside down right now, that's for sure!

    I already have a boy who's 8 months old, so he'll be 13 months when the twins arrive—so three kids under 1.5 years old. I have no illusions and I think you don't need to either: the first year will be a real struggle!

    My survival tactic right now is not to think too much about it and see how things go.

    Your worry about love is something even experienced parents feel when they become parents for the second time. I love this baby so much, and I love the other child just as much, so that can't possibly be right, can it? But it can be, and that love comes in the first few weeks.

    Personally, I found it hard to bond with these babies because I'm afraid of losing them during the pregnancy (they share a placenta, which is risky). But now I feel them kick every now and then, and then there's no holding back anymore, from both of them.

    You're 9 months pregnant, because you also need to grow into it! The first few weeks you really have to get used to this news, but I really think it's going to be okay for you!

    Greetings!

  2. floydi #3

    Dear girl, you're so hard on yourself! Of course you're happy that you're pregnant, but you're also startled, and the panic about the future is completely normal, even if you're pregnant with just one baby. Plus, don't forget that there are already so many hormones raging through your body that heavily influence your emotions. You're going to be a super good mom precisely because you're so aware of all the effects a baby or twins can have.

  3. floydi #4

    Two little ones to have in your life. Try not to be too hard on yourself and allow every feeling and emotion, even the negative ones; they will pass! You'll get through it.

    Love, Floydi

  4. Hartje #5

    Oh, and those people.. Sometimes! I sometimes feel like a walking attraction, people greet you eagerly, you can answer all the questions about how it's going, if it's in the family etc!
    Last night they asked: you're pregnant, right? And I blurt out: yes, that's right sometimes
    You'll probably get tired of them even more often

  5. D. started this #6

    Heart and Floydi,
    thank you for your heartwarming response. I had expected more judgments...those will probably come too but wss more within our family circle...
    It's just hard because I always had a very clear image in mind of how I wanted to be as a mother to my child. With all my love for them, I didn't want to do it less.
    I know what it's like not to feel all the love you need and I don't want my children to have to feel even a fraction of that...
    Everything seems to be moving so fast in a high-speed train.. the pregnancy but also just that there are two of them means we have to move...
    Heart, I'm really trying to enjoy it because I also feel that this is special for a reason.
    The two each have their own amniotic sac and placenta, heartbeats were good and the gynecologist spoke of an ideal twin pregnancy.
    Pity that your situation is a bit more difficult in this case and that this can still be a certain stress factor. I hope that, like you, I can soon make the stress around other things fade a bit when there's some movement
    Thank you for your response

  6. floydi #7

    Glad you find support in our replies. I think you'll find that this forum is a nice place to share worries, experiences, and questions without being judged!

  7. Hartje #8

    Being pregnant is just confusing, you feel so different! With my first, I bumped into the corner of a bed at 16 weeks, and then suddenly I realized, wow, I love this little one and don't want to lose him! And then I didn't know what to make of those feelings again, haha!

    Take your time and ask all the questions you have!

    Floydi, I really find this a nice forum, yes, few judgments and such. I recently asked a question on BabyBytes, and they started discussing me instead of giving an answer to the question, ugh! Give me babble then

  8. Anonymous Guest #9

    I can totally imagine how hard it must be to process this, especially since it’s so different from what you had in mind.
    I’m one of twins myself, and it’s wonderful to have a twin sister. I think your kids will really lean on each other a lot.

  9. anne #10

    I'm currently 39 weeks pregnant with a singleton, but I can totally relate to how you're feeling! Our pregnancy came somewhat unexpectedly (I had forgotten the pill, but usually I'd still get my period when I forgot it), so we had to adjust quite a bit when we found out we were having a baby. We were super nervous going to the ultrasound, really scared of bad news. When we saw that one little heartbeat on the screen, I was overjoyed. My partner and I were also really happy it was just one baby—mainly for financial reasons, but also practical ones. For example, we're still living in a rental, and with twins, I probably would have had to stop working due to the costs. I'm sure we would have loved them if it had turned out to be twins, and we would have managed in the end, but we would have had to make a big adjustment and get used to the idea.

    So, while I'm not pregnant with twins, I can definitely put myself in your shoes a little bit

  10. D. started this #11

    Ladies, thank you all for your replies!
    It feels good to know we're not alone with these confusing thoughts and that I'm not the only one who would react this way.
    It also gives me courage, which is nice.
    Yesterday, we already told my father-in-law and my sister. We got nice reactions that we didn't expect, especially not from my father-in-law. But these are his first real grandchildren, and apparently, this does affect a person.
    Now I just need to retreat into my little cocoon for a bit—to panic a bit, but also to enjoy every sensation (stitches in my belly, etc.) that they're still there. Because as I start getting used to the idea, I feel my love growing, but also my anxiety, since there are still about 3 weeks left before we've passed the most crucial period.
    I feel like I'll be hanging around this forum a lot more often x

  11. Hartje #12

    Good job, d. We need you too because we can use all pregnant people with experience I'd like to connect with twin moms!
    I think you're already a bit more positive about it if I read it like this.. Before you know it, you'll be 13 weeks, right!

  12. Lena Guest #13

    I find this a very understandable reaction!
    I also have to honestly admit that the euphoria was also nowhere to be found/was for me. Although I'm only having one, it came completely unexpectedly and not in the ideal situation. Both unemployed, just moved in together in a small flat under the guise 'it's at least our own place and we'll see where we're at in a year'.
    Our home is too small, so we'll also have to move. Or well, have to... we have a roof over our heads, but it's just going to get very tight with a baby added.

    I've really noticed that financial and practical reasons can really get in the way of the joy you're supposed to feel. And just the overall feeling of; can I really do this?

    I try to let go of it as much as possible. Just do what you can and the rest well, it'll come as it comes.

  13. D. started this #14

    Hi Lena,
    I completely understand the financial and practical side of things.
    I’ve now given myself some time and even took a week off to rest, to sort everything out and take a good look at the financial and practical aspects...
    It’s tough, of course, but as a future mom, you only want the best for your child(ren).
    Moving isn’t a small thing, especially during pregnancy, so definitely consider whether you could make it work within your current living situation...
    We only have 2 rooms, but one is so small that maybe everything for 2 kids could fit in one room, but it wouldn’t be super practical. So for now, this might work if a double buggy would fit in the elevator... but even a single one doesn’t fit... And carrying a double buggy or two Maxi Cosis up 4 floors is just not an option...
    Give it all some time, and take your time to get used to all the ideas and changes that come with motherhood... I’m trying to do the same now and I can feel that everything will find its place...

  14. Lena #15

    D. Yeah, that's right... we currently have 2 bedrooms, one of which is only 2 by 2 meters. Pretty small too.
    Plus, my partner has 2 sons from a previous relationship who spend every other weekend with us. So we'll definitely run out of space soon. And we live on the 2nd floor without a lift. Not ideal either.
    But hey, it'll work out. As I said, we have a roof over our heads. I'll keep looking at and responding to larger homes, and we'll see. Buying isn't an option right now. But hopefully, we'll be able to manage that within the next 2 years.

  15. D. started this #16

    Good luck with it, Lena.
    I hope you can quickly let go of all that stress and enjoy your pregnancy

  16. D. started this #17

    Sweetheart,
    I can't compare it to a singleton pregnancy, of course. But I've been lucky enough to avoid many of the usual discomforts. Even though they say you should have more trouble with a twin pregnancy... so it does make me a bit unsure.
    Aside from a little poking sensation down there, a nagging feeling, poor sleep, and occasionally sore breasts, I can't really say that I feel like I'm carrying twins...
    It's still early days, and I can imagine that if you're further along than I am, you might really start experiencing it.
    I read somewhere that a singleton or twin pregnancy is similar until 20 weeks, and that's when you'd really start noticing... so it seems like that applies to me too, hearing you talk?
    Did you have a lot of discomfort, or extra discomfort?

  17. Hartje #18

    Thankfully not double tired and nauseous! I was really tired though, had a bright positive test, and now I understand why my belly is growing so much. At first I thought it was because I had been pregnant not long ago, but now I get it

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