Biechthoekje
and then he was there! ????
muesliereep
We’ve been together for almost 10 years, no drama, nothing, just a lovely, carefree life together.
Then came the little one.. our life, or rather, let’s be honest, my life, is completely turned upside down.
I gave birth in early October via C-section. Recovery went well, but as soon as I was on my feet, my husband went back to work. 5 days a week, Mon to Fri, from 8 to 5. On top of that, he plays football two evenings during the week and, of course, a match on Sunday. How lovely! I’m glad he enjoys it and I wish him well. So, as you can see, only Saturday is left for us. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. He still spends an average of 6 hours on that day at his job.. another job.. our own business, something he can’t avoid. So my husband is already spending 60 hours a week on obligations, but that was already the case before the little one came. What has changed for my husband? Nothing! Absolutely nothing. Well, he got a cute little man to cuddle when he comes home. Because often his diaper is already changed, and he always happens to have just eaten. He doesn’t have to give anything up, doesn’t have to take anything into account. Having a baby, fun! says my husband. As I said, my world is turned upside down. Whereas I used to work 40 hours too, I’m now at home. I care for our little man with love 24/7, but sometimes it drives me crazy! With everything I do, everything I want to do, I have to adjust everything. Even getting cigarettes at the gas station 80 meters away is no longer just a quick thing. Before I can go into town, there’s a whole ritual beforehand, and then, of course, the little man comes along too. A moment for myself? What’s that? It’s not fair that everything is different for me and for my husband, only the hours he’s at home. The moments he’s at home are precious, so for me it’s a waste to go out of the house because then I won’t see my husband at all.
I look forward to the weekend. Then the car is ready and I can go and do whatever I want. With the little one, of course. But unfortunately, the weekends are packed with baby visits. Mostly from my husband’s side. You guessed it, I have to host these visits because mister is either working or playing football. Bye weekend, and hello even more obligations that dominate my life right now. In this way, weekends make me feel even more restricted than weekdays. I’m going crazy.. I’m going mad. This is not what I imagined being a mother would be like. I never thought I’d look forward to the little one going to daycare. I love the little one unconditionally, but not my life, which is dictated by everything and everyone except myself.. for my husband it’s great, for me it’s hell.
Am I the only one? Is this still my hormones bothering me? I can’t wait to get back to work!
Then came the little one.. our life, or rather, let’s be honest, my life, is completely turned upside down.
I gave birth in early October via C-section. Recovery went well, but as soon as I was on my feet, my husband went back to work. 5 days a week, Mon to Fri, from 8 to 5. On top of that, he plays football two evenings during the week and, of course, a match on Sunday. How lovely! I’m glad he enjoys it and I wish him well. So, as you can see, only Saturday is left for us. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. He still spends an average of 6 hours on that day at his job.. another job.. our own business, something he can’t avoid. So my husband is already spending 60 hours a week on obligations, but that was already the case before the little one came. What has changed for my husband? Nothing! Absolutely nothing. Well, he got a cute little man to cuddle when he comes home. Because often his diaper is already changed, and he always happens to have just eaten. He doesn’t have to give anything up, doesn’t have to take anything into account. Having a baby, fun! says my husband. As I said, my world is turned upside down. Whereas I used to work 40 hours too, I’m now at home. I care for our little man with love 24/7, but sometimes it drives me crazy! With everything I do, everything I want to do, I have to adjust everything. Even getting cigarettes at the gas station 80 meters away is no longer just a quick thing. Before I can go into town, there’s a whole ritual beforehand, and then, of course, the little man comes along too. A moment for myself? What’s that? It’s not fair that everything is different for me and for my husband, only the hours he’s at home. The moments he’s at home are precious, so for me it’s a waste to go out of the house because then I won’t see my husband at all.
I look forward to the weekend. Then the car is ready and I can go and do whatever I want. With the little one, of course. But unfortunately, the weekends are packed with baby visits. Mostly from my husband’s side. You guessed it, I have to host these visits because mister is either working or playing football. Bye weekend, and hello even more obligations that dominate my life right now. In this way, weekends make me feel even more restricted than weekdays. I’m going crazy.. I’m going mad. This is not what I imagined being a mother would be like. I never thought I’d look forward to the little one going to daycare. I love the little one unconditionally, but not my life, which is dictated by everything and everyone except myself.. for my husband it’s great, for me it’s hell.
Am I the only one? Is this still my hormones bothering me? I can’t wait to get back to work!
Replies
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Amy #2
It’s probably a bit of hormones, a bit of personality, and the rest is your husband’s fault (and a bit of yours too).
Having a baby really takes some getting used to. Since we moms are on leave, we adjust our lives to the caregiving tasks while the dads have to go back to work after a few days.
Not everyone loves being a mom 24/7. I absolutely adore my kids, but I stayed home for a year around the time of my pregnancy/delivery due to pelvic instability. I’ve been declared healthy again for two months now and am working 3 days a week.
I love it. I’ve come to the conclusion that I enjoy my kids much more when I don’t see them 24/7. I find it nice to do something for myself, and in my case, that’s working.
I’d suggest bringing this up with your husband, because if you don’t tell him you find it unpleasant, he won’t address it.
Also, decline all those postpartum visits from his side if you don’t feel like having them. You do need to keep a bit of a cool head.
Are you physically able to do a bit already? If so, make sure you always have your diaper bag ready to go—that helps when you’re heading out. If you’re breastfeeding, just feed in public and you can step out the door.
If there’s a bus nearby, you can take it into town or something. Then you’re out for a bit.
Good luck! -
B Guest #3
It's definitely a big adjustment at first, but now you're also very much 'just a mom'. Whereas before you were all sorts of things: wife/partner, colleague, friend, and indeed: yourself with some me-time. And now suddenly only being a mom, that's quite a major transition. It's also a role that can feel very overwhelming. Having a break now and then to be one of your other 'roles' for a bit is really nice. It's totally normal to long for that. Look for ways to get some time where you don't have to be a mom for a while. Can your husband contribute a bit more, like parental leave or not playing football every match? Or simply taking a day off so he can take over for a bit? He's also got a kid, you don't have to do everything. Why not reserve a fixed evening a week for yourself, where he stays home so you can do sports or visit a friend or something? An afternoon with the little one at grandma and grandpa's or an aunt's, so you can go into town or something? Or an evening with a babysitter so you can go out together? Right now you're doing everything alone, so do ask for help, most people around you are more than happy to help!
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