Biechthoekje
And my wish for a child??
LoreGuest ·
Hi there,
My partner and I have been in a beautiful, happy relationship for 2.5 years. I'm 27 and he's 41. When he mentioned his previous marriage, he knew I was crazy about kids, and he, who didn't have any, seemed to want them. But now, 2.5 years later, my desire for a child keeps growing, and he doesn't want to anymore. He's scared of what's to come or suddenly finding himself spending time with a kid, driving around in a carriage like a "grandpa"—those are his exact words to me. I'm so in love and happy with him, but I want a child. I can't leave him to have a child with someone else. But could I ever come to terms with not having a child to cuddle, teach to eat, teach to walk, ride a bike...?
Best wishes.
My partner and I have been in a beautiful, happy relationship for 2.5 years. I'm 27 and he's 41. When he mentioned his previous marriage, he knew I was crazy about kids, and he, who didn't have any, seemed to want them. But now, 2.5 years later, my desire for a child keeps growing, and he doesn't want to anymore. He's scared of what's to come or suddenly finding himself spending time with a kid, driving around in a carriage like a "grandpa"—those are his exact words to me. I'm so in love and happy with him, but I want a child. I can't leave him to have a child with someone else. But could I ever come to terms with not having a child to cuddle, teach to eat, teach to walk, ride a bike...?
Best wishes.
Replies
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Lore started this #2
Anyone? Who wants to chat with me for a bit? -
Loes #3
Oh, that's really tough... I have a similar situation regarding the age gap (I'm 25, my boyfriend is 40). We talked about it very early on in our relationship, but it was different from yours. My boyfriend really wanted kids, and I didn't want to promise that I'd want them anytime soon. That was 5 years ago, and when we'd been together for 4 years, I indicated that I was willing to go for it, also because I felt 39 was old enough
In your situation, it's naturally tricky because the desire isn't mutual for both of you, and you've already discussed it quite a bit before. I personally know quite a few men and women who became parents at a later age (around 40). To be completely honest, I see little difference with 'younger' parents; pushing a stroller around at 45 is certainly not an exception
Does your boyfriend have any men or women in his circle of friends or acquaintances who had a child at a later age? Maybe he could talk to them about the pros and cons.
Anyway, good luck with it, you don't have it easy
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floydi #4
Hi girl, that's tough. Honestly, there's not much you can do except talk and be open and honest with each other. You can't just give up your wish, and he can't give up his either. In my case, the desire wasn't there for me, but it was from day 1 for my partner. I found that difficult, but as time went on, having a child with my partner seemed really special to me. When I was ready, we went for it. You can't get a baby based on just one person's wish, but you also don't have to stay childless. Either you give it time and grow closer to a shared choice, or you grow apart. I'm rooting for you that it's the first one, of course.
Love, floydi -
lovely816 #5
how's it going now? just curious if your wish for a child has come true. big hugs
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