Biechthoekje
Tired of trying to get pregnant
...
Just sharing my heart...
I'm so incredibly fed up with having to try to get pregnant when it's not working. There's nothing romantic about "having to" anymore. And not just the "have to," but also the way you eventually get pregnant: IVF/IUI. Whatever method it is... it's not made with love when your husband has to put his wobbly little thing in a jar and you get a tube put in, and then boom. Of course it's wanted, but not in a natural way. Luckily, I never went overboard with constantly testing myself because I believe that if you're always busy with it, "it's just not going to happen." And at some point, your life starts to feel like nothing but testing and timing things perfectly.
Then there's the phrase "you're doing it for something beautiful." Is that really still true? I really ask myself that. How far do I have to go? And after all these years, there should also be an end point.
Got my period yesterday. Normally I'd feel a bit bummed about that. I don't feel that anymore. I really notice that I'm starting to get fed up with it. I want to move on with my life. It feels like your life only consists of "getting pregnant."
My mother-in-law visited and showed a picture of a baby, saying "look what a sweet baby, nice." I just had no feeling about it at all. And by that I mean: normally you'd be in a cloud of happiness, hoping to be pregnant or already have a baby in your arms. But it did nothing to me.
For me, this is a sign to put a period behind it. That's how it feels now.
I'm so incredibly fed up with having to try to get pregnant when it's not working. There's nothing romantic about "having to" anymore. And not just the "have to," but also the way you eventually get pregnant: IVF/IUI. Whatever method it is... it's not made with love when your husband has to put his wobbly little thing in a jar and you get a tube put in, and then boom. Of course it's wanted, but not in a natural way. Luckily, I never went overboard with constantly testing myself because I believe that if you're always busy with it, "it's just not going to happen." And at some point, your life starts to feel like nothing but testing and timing things perfectly.
Then there's the phrase "you're doing it for something beautiful." Is that really still true? I really ask myself that. How far do I have to go? And after all these years, there should also be an end point.
Got my period yesterday. Normally I'd feel a bit bummed about that. I don't feel that anymore. I really notice that I'm starting to get fed up with it. I want to move on with my life. It feels like your life only consists of "getting pregnant."
My mother-in-law visited and showed a picture of a baby, saying "look what a sweet baby, nice." I just had no feeling about it at all. And by that I mean: normally you'd be in a cloud of happiness, hoping to be pregnant or already have a baby in your arms. But it did nothing to me.
For me, this is a sign to put a period behind it. That's how it feels now.
Replies
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floydi #2
Hi anoniempje,
Your story sounds absolutely awful. I can't say I've had or felt the same thing. It's totally incomparable because we got pregnant after trying for 7 months. But I do recognize the feeling of not wanting to give up everything and always wanting to focus on something else. It's not a given that you want to go through the whole medical process; it's your choice. I wish you strength and hope you find peace with your decision. Maybe a break is what you need. A time to focus entirely on something for yourself
Liefs floydi -
Anonymous Guest #3
Take your time for yourself. And indeed, take a break. Just don't think about it. It shouldn't be that everything revolves around wanting a child. In that way, you can also develop an aversion, which I kind of sense from your story. Take your time. Your life doesn't stop if you don't have children. Let's be honest, how many couples break up when a baby arrives. It doesn't necessarily keep your relationship together; it can even work out the other way. Unless you're on a pink cloud.
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