Jealousy

Hi everyone!

How do you deal with jealous family members?

My in-laws really want to pretend that we’re super close, but there’s a ton of conflict, jealousy, gossip, and backbiting. Even from the start of my relationship with my husband, I noticed small things that showed they couldn’t stand me. They even predicted behind our backs that our relationship wouldn’t last, and before I’d even met my in-laws, they’d already spread a whole string of bad stories about me. Luckily, my in-laws weren’t that naive.

One of those family members started imitating me in every possible way (clothes, hair, home decor, you name it) a few years ago, which irritates me immensely. She can’t let a compliment slide, but she’s always lurking from the corner of her eye, looking resentful. A few weeks later, she’s wearing the exact same thing or has bought the exact same decor for her home. Typical. Her mother also can’t stand me, probably because her daughter feeds her all sorts of lies about me. Well, like mother, like daughter—the mother is basically the same.

When we announced our pregnancy a while back, a genuine happy reaction was out of the question. It was really awkward. She turned green with jealousy. Now this person is liking all sorts of baby clothing stores on Facebook and creating mood boards for baby stuff (ideas she’s clearly seen from me), even though she’s not pregnant at all. She’s also posting quotes online like “My daughter is like this and that and blah blah blah.” She’s not pregnant and doesn’t have a daughter. All this irritates me to no end because the jealousy is just screaming. I’ve stopped drinking alcohol since I found out I’m pregnant (obviously), whereas before I’d always have a glass of wine (sometimes even more, haha). For many people, it was obvious I was pregnant because I suddenly said no to that glass of wine or that gin and tonic ;-) Now she’s suddenly stopped drinking alcohol too.

I really don’t know what to do with this situation because it makes me angry, and I can’t look at her without rolling my eyes and worrying all evening. Since they pretend to be a real, close family, we see them quite often. I also don’t know how I should behave once the baby arrives. I’d actually rather not have them hold my little girl or see any of the baby stuff, because I know it’s not genuine and they’ll just imitate everything. I’m also afraid I’ll pass on this negative feeling to my daughter, or that I’ll accidentally say something about them in front of her, and she’ll blurt out the truth at a family gathering (the truth comes out of a child’s mouth ;--) )

I’ve already skipped several family gatherings because I just don’t feel like it, but in the long term, this isn’t a solution because there are also plenty of people there I do like. I don’t want to give them the satisfaction of staying away from family events because of their stupid behavior.

This situation has been going on for years, but I could brush off all that imitation until now. It was hard, but I eventually thought, “Ignore it as much as possible, it is what it is.” But now that it’s about my future daughter + pregnancy hormones kicking in, I can’t just brush it off anymore. I might do them a favor in the long run. Ugly words, but unfortunately true.

Has anyone been in a similar situation or is in one and has tips on how to handle this?

Best wishes