Biechthoekje
Doubts about everything
Vke
Hi everyone,
I gave birth to a little boy 3 weeks ago and already have a 5-year-old daughter. Everyone thinks it's all so lovely and nice, but what's the catch? Well, let me start :-)
We're in the middle of renovations, and it feels like my partner only has eyes for that now. We barely talk anymore unless he wants my opinion on flooring or something. I know I'm still going through the postpartum phase and have tons of hormones running around, which makes me take things more personally and feel extra sensitive.
My delivery happened just before the holidays, so we had a long time at home together! I thought we'd do fun things, but nope: one day at an amusement park and one day at the beach. That's it.
Last year, my partner changed jobs and now works at a family business whose owners I knew as a kid. His boss is super handsome, and my partner knows I find him attractive. No problem so far.
After the birth, we went to show our son at my partner's workplace, where I got three big kisses from the boss. He also suddenly asked how I was doing after giving birth (which is kind of a weird question from a guy, but whatever). He looked at me intensely and then proceeded to check me out from head to toe. It made me feel really uncomfortable.
Before the birth, his boss had suddenly added me on Facebook. Suddenly, he liked everything I posted except for a photo of my partner and our son together. At home, we laughed about it, but it's been bothering me. One moment he's liking my posts, then he stops, and I notice he's online and offline occasionally. (Just like me, but what do you do when you're on maternity leave?)
My partner told me that his boss is very unhappy in his marriage and seems to be waiting for an excuse to leave. They're only staying together for the kids. His sister is a co-owner, and they joked that a good woman should have nice breasts and a butt. (It's a man's world, so there's no shortage of silly talk.)
When you think about how the boss was checking me out (read: staring at my butt and breasts), you start connecting the dots, right? Especially with everything you know about his marriage and the Facebook likes?
I'm doubting everything right now, especially my relationship. I've already voiced some of my doubts to my partner, except for the doubts about our relationship. I'm not ready for that yet. But I don't know what to do.
I gave birth to a little boy 3 weeks ago and already have a 5-year-old daughter. Everyone thinks it's all so lovely and nice, but what's the catch? Well, let me start :-)
We're in the middle of renovations, and it feels like my partner only has eyes for that now. We barely talk anymore unless he wants my opinion on flooring or something. I know I'm still going through the postpartum phase and have tons of hormones running around, which makes me take things more personally and feel extra sensitive.
My delivery happened just before the holidays, so we had a long time at home together! I thought we'd do fun things, but nope: one day at an amusement park and one day at the beach. That's it.
Last year, my partner changed jobs and now works at a family business whose owners I knew as a kid. His boss is super handsome, and my partner knows I find him attractive. No problem so far.
After the birth, we went to show our son at my partner's workplace, where I got three big kisses from the boss. He also suddenly asked how I was doing after giving birth (which is kind of a weird question from a guy, but whatever). He looked at me intensely and then proceeded to check me out from head to toe. It made me feel really uncomfortable.
Before the birth, his boss had suddenly added me on Facebook. Suddenly, he liked everything I posted except for a photo of my partner and our son together. At home, we laughed about it, but it's been bothering me. One moment he's liking my posts, then he stops, and I notice he's online and offline occasionally. (Just like me, but what do you do when you're on maternity leave?)
My partner told me that his boss is very unhappy in his marriage and seems to be waiting for an excuse to leave. They're only staying together for the kids. His sister is a co-owner, and they joked that a good woman should have nice breasts and a butt. (It's a man's world, so there's no shortage of silly talk.)
When you think about how the boss was checking me out (read: staring at my butt and breasts), you start connecting the dots, right? Especially with everything you know about his marriage and the Facebook likes?
I'm doubting everything right now, especially my relationship. I've already voiced some of my doubts to my partner, except for the doubts about our relationship. I'm not ready for that yet. But I don't know what to do.
Replies
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MamaN #2
Hey girls,
I think it's the lack of attention in your relationship right now, combined with your hormones. Before this, you only saw him as just a good-looking boss, didn't you? You can feel so incredibly lonely after giving birth, especially if your partner is only focused on himself. I relate to this too, with the birth of my son, and since my due date is next Monday for the second one, it's creeping into my head again now and then.. You're very susceptible to attention from others right now, mainly because you're not getting it at home. I personally think it just needs some time, and once you're both used to this new situation and things settle down a bit, it'll get better. I wouldn't give too much attention to that other guy before you do something you'll regret, which only feels good in the moment. I found that I only got back into a rhythm when my son was three months old; the beginning was all about searching, fatigue, hormones, and irritability.
I hope you figure it out
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Vke started this #3
Thanks, I know it's probably bigger in my head than it really is.
And I guess I care more because I've known the family longer than my boyfriend
Because out of nowhere, the liking stopped and I feel pretty disappointed! -
MamaN #4
You're also more open to that attention now, I can understand why you're disappointed by it. But that's also because you're more focused on it now. Before, it probably wouldn't have even caught your attention. -
Vke started this #5
Well, yes indeed.
I’ve always joked with my boyfriend that I find his boss quite the Christian Grey type! And my boyfriend, in turn, laughs at the fact that I’m always speechless when I see him.
Hopefully, things will clear up soon. -
MamaN #6
How are you doing now?
I gave birth last week, and tomorrow is my last day of maternity leave... I'm starting to get those unpleasant feelings again. Pfff, it was going so well those first few days, but the thought of being alone again after tomorrow, with two kids... I had that loneliness too with my son; it only got better when I went back to work. Stupid hormones.
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