Nice chat
Mother-in-law
Alissa25
I'm posting this in the 'chit-chat' section but the title says it all, haha.
My due date is late November and I'm currently 23 weeks pregnant.
It was a tough start to the pregnancy (not so much for me) but for my boyfriend and his mom, because it was unexpected and we weren't really together at that time.
But we've worked things out now and he's just as happy about it as I am, and things are good between us again.
I've never really had much to do with his mom; for the past 6 years, basically nothing, because she's a completely different type of person than me.
She's very direct and there's always something wrong, except for what she does or thinks, and she's also very dominant.
The 'problem' is that she lives next to us and has now focused entirely on the baby. She knows best, she wants us to buy everything second-hand (nothing wrong with that, but I also like buying things myself), she criticizes my own parenting style, and she wants to raise her grandchild differently than I have in mind. She doesn't want my boyfriend and me to get married or enter a registered partnership because she doesn't want me to have any rights somewhere in case things ever go south.
I could go on and on...
I can talk about it with my own mom and family, and I have a really good bond with them, but I'm noticing that I'm getting more and more 'scared' of certain remarks and actions from my mother-in-law.
My boyfriend knows what she's like, but he kind of protects her, which means we've been arguing more lately than I'd like.
But I really want to sort things out with him without her twisting everything to her own liking.
Does anyone have tips on how I should discuss this, with whom, or have any experiences to share?
Just venting already feels good, haha.
My due date is late November and I'm currently 23 weeks pregnant.
It was a tough start to the pregnancy (not so much for me) but for my boyfriend and his mom, because it was unexpected and we weren't really together at that time.
But we've worked things out now and he's just as happy about it as I am, and things are good between us again.
I've never really had much to do with his mom; for the past 6 years, basically nothing, because she's a completely different type of person than me.
She's very direct and there's always something wrong, except for what she does or thinks, and she's also very dominant.
The 'problem' is that she lives next to us and has now focused entirely on the baby. She knows best, she wants us to buy everything second-hand (nothing wrong with that, but I also like buying things myself), she criticizes my own parenting style, and she wants to raise her grandchild differently than I have in mind. She doesn't want my boyfriend and me to get married or enter a registered partnership because she doesn't want me to have any rights somewhere in case things ever go south.
I could go on and on...
I can talk about it with my own mom and family, and I have a really good bond with them, but I'm noticing that I'm getting more and more 'scared' of certain remarks and actions from my mother-in-law.
My boyfriend knows what she's like, but he kind of protects her, which means we've been arguing more lately than I'd like.
But I really want to sort things out with him without her twisting everything to her own liking.
Does anyone have tips on how I should discuss this, with whom, or have any experiences to share?
Just venting already feels good, haha.
Replies
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Knuffel #2
Alissa.. Having a mother-in-law isn't easy, but it's even worse when she lives next door!
Does she realize that with a registered partnership or marriage, everything is much better arranged for her grandchild? If you two split up, at least you won't be left with empty hands and a child to care for..
One thing I've learned by now is that you don't have to discuss everything with your mother-in-law... Arrange things with your partner however you want and just don't talk about it with her.. She doesn't need to know everything. That way, she can't have an opinion on it either. Same with parenting.. Just don't talk about it with her or keep it vague. Say you'll figure it all out once the little one is here or something. Not nice, but it saves frustration. And honestly... My mother-in-law would rather determine the gender and name of the child herself, so I've got plenty of experience! -
Alissa25 started this #3
Yes, exactly. That's also why I'd like to have a registered partnership because then everything is properly sorted out.
My friend lets herself be dragged along by her too much. We discuss what and if she gives her opinion to him, he turns around like a leaf on a tree. That's really his problem and it makes it difficult because I then have to turn it around again. It takes a lot of energy while it doesn't need to be, it's not her child.
I hardly discuss anything with her because it's indeed better not to and I do want to involve her but not in this way so she's kind of burned out.
I'm normally a very gentle person, maybe too much, and I want to 'please' everyone but it's about my child now and then I'm quite fierce.
I'm due on November 28th so I'm about 2 weeks ahead of you I think? I'll be 23 weeks tomorrow so I think myself November 26th because I calculated it via internet and that matches with my longer cycle :-)
Nice, close together :-)
We do know it's a girl and she would have preferred a boy to continue the company.. a bit of old-fashioned stamp. She also keeps saying "him and you don't know for sure if it's a girl it can still be" I've heard 3 x through 3 different people that it's a girl but well, she looks but haha. For us it doesn't matter, we're happy with a girl but would have been just as with a boy. -
Knuffel #4
Ooh, that's really annoying.. My mother-in-law is really hoping for a girl.. So it really doesn't matter to me. As if she'd love a boy less or something. So sad!
I was indeed 21 weeks yesterday, so almost a 2-week difference. Nice!
It's tricky that your friend discusses everything.. You basically have very little influence on that.. My husband sees very well how his mother is, so we really don't have any problems with that.
We did registered partnership for my first pregnancy because we wanted to have everything sorted out and because then it's also immediately clear, I believe, that my husband is the father of the baby..
And if something happened to him during the pregnancy, then not the entire inheritance including the house would go to his parents but to me.. It's really important when you're pregnant and have such responsibility.
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