My toddler scratches a lot and gets angry quickly.

We have a son who is almost 3.5 years old. It’s now known that he has a speech disorder, and after this summer holiday, he will also go to Kentalis for extra support. He’s already had extra support at the psz for almost a year and goes to speech therapy. His language comprehension is, by the way, accurately age-appropriate.
But our little man scratches, hits, and often screams. When we forbid him something, our furniture has to suffer.
I find it hard to put this in writing because I don’t want to sound too negative about him.
At home, he’s often almost unmanageable. He doesn’t listen, or listens poorly. When I want to hug him, he scratches me or my partner. Other adults and children also often have to suffer. We’ve really said as often as possible that it’s not allowed, but it doesn’t help at all.
When we forbid him something or say something isn’t allowed, his toys or our furniture have to suffer. He throws things, doors, bites tables, and bangs against the stair gate. New is him tearing his clothes and spitting.
He’d prefer us to entertain him almost continuously. If we’re not in the mood once, he does things out of boredom that aren’t allowed. When we want to play with him, we’re often not allowed to join in, and he finds it cozy when we’re around him.
I really dread getting him out of bed in the morning. Everything seems like a battle with him. Outside, he just walks wherever he feels like. I can’t trust him. My partner doesn’t want to walk with him or go to the store anymore because he misbehaves then. Fortunately, it’s less with me, but I do appreciate it when he takes him along sometimes.
We don’t understand any of it. He was such an easy baby who slept through the night after two nights and hardly ever cried. Since his "puberty," he’s changed so much. I just miss his baby time.
The suspicion is that his behavior largely comes from him not being able to express himself, but for me, this goes too far. I notice that I’m starting to dislike him and myself. I just feel like a failed mother. I’d so much like to receive love from him again. And yes, I try to give him love, but I notice I can’t bring myself to do it as much anymore.
Because strangely enough, it goes up and down. Sometimes it’s good for 2 days, and then it’s completely off again.
Maybe there are other mothers who are dealing with this, and there are still good tips.
Greetings, Dounoontje