Forum Nice chat

Vacation

19 replies

Roosje
Hey everyone!

I have a question and would really like your opinion. I gave birth to a big, healthy son at the end of March. My partner has had a new job role for a few months now with a lot of responsibility. After his boss was fired, he got to take on this new role, which meant someone had to be hired for his previous position. That turned out not to be easy, and he had to work for months without an assistant. He only got one a few weeks ago. During his paternity leave, he had to work full days because he was the only one handling things then. He chose this partly himself, but partly he had no choice since the workload just kept piling up.

I really like going on holiday, and honestly, I’m in desperate need of a break after being home for 4 or 5 months now and being a full-time mum. My man helps me a lot at home, so I definitely can’t complain about that. But he doesn’t want to go on holiday. He doesn’t even want to take a single day off because he wants to focus on his work. Two months ago he was diagnosed with zona, now he has peritonitis, and he still won’t take a break. He says he can’t relax on holiday because we’d be taking a 4-month-old baby and it would stress him out too much, and he wants to focus on his new role. He suggested (so he can get me off his back) that I go on holiday with the baby and my mum. But I really don’t want that at all; I just want to go with our little family. I’ve also suggested he comes along and we bring my parents too, so he doesn’t have to worry about the baby, and that he’s allowed to work on holiday if he wants—but he won’t do that either.

I’m exhausted now and my batteries are almost empty. I have to go back to work in September. Is it selfish to go on holiday with the baby and my mum, without him? Can I do that? I’m not sure... I’d miss my man really hard. Thanks for your honest answers.

Replies

  1. Roosje started this #2

    Is there anyone who’d like to share their opinion? X

  2. Knuffel #3

    I get that you're looking for some wise advice, but I wouldn't know either... Shouldn't your husband take some time off after the high season or something? He probably wants some family time and all the time to cuddle up with his son too, right?

    If you really want to get away for a bit, you could look into a weekend getaway... With your husband or maybe with your mom.

    If I were the dad, I'd find it absolutely terrible if I didn't see my newborn son for a weekend or even a week or so.

    It's tough, really. I just don't quite get your husband. A career isn't everything.

  3. Roosje started this #4

    Thanks for your reply!
    I'm a teacher, so taking time off during the high season isn't an option.
    Maybe a weekend getaway could work; maybe I can convince him of that in the future. For now, though, not yet..

  4. Knuffel #5

    Oh that's tricky indeed.. Also nice during the autumn break. We used to do a week with the family often. Lovely to blow away at the sea..

  5. Betty Guest #6

    I totally get both of you. My husband has a livestock farm where he can't just walk away. He could bring someone in, but that costs a lot of money and only the simple tasks would get done.

    I do work myself and I have a little one of 14 months. I really needed to get away last year too. I called my mom crying and she thought it sounded great to go away for a weekend, and even my sister and her family joined in. I don't see them every week either, so it was really nice.

    Turns out, once I had made up my mind, my husband wanted to take that weekend off too and just came along!

    We're doing it again this year, only now I'm tacking on a midweek trip and we'll see who stays. My husband will commute during the day to work at home, and in the evenings he'll come over and sleep with me.

    I'd just keep going with it. Go somewhere nice where he can drop in if he wants or head home, but you get a break from the routine and can calmly read a magazine or book while your mom watches the little one.

  6. Amy #7

    I'd just go on vacation with your mom and the baby. I'd stay close to where you live, so your partner can drop by whenever he feels like it. That way you can catch your breath, and hopefully he can too.
    If you and the baby aren't home, he should also have a quieter week since you mentioned he helps out a lot.

  7. Roosje started this #8

    Thanks for your reply. That's indeed a really good idea. Not too far away so he can still visit. Top!

  8. Knuffel #9

    Great idea from the girls! Enjoy it, mommy! I hope you're going to have an amazing time!

  9. Roosje started this #10

    It’s true that my husband does a lot around the house—helps with washing, tidying up, cooking, and taking care of the baby. He’s really a top dad. But he just doesn’t get that I need a break from it all sometimes.

    Going on holiday during the autumn break isn’t an option because he plays basketball at a higher level and can’t miss any training sessions or matches.

    He’s “promised” to go on holiday together between Christmas and New Year’s. I’m not allowed to book anything yet since it depends on his basketball schedule. We’ll see if it happens.

    Sorry if I sound so pessimistic—he’s truly a dream partner and dad—but sometimes you just need a little time away.

    Thanks for your good advice.

  10. Roosje started this #11

    After a good chat with my man (and some emotions, tears), he finally understood that the pot was about to boil over. We're starting small, but it's a nice start. We're going to do two overnight hotel city trips in our own country.
    Thanks again for your good advice.

  11. Knuffel #12

    Oh, lovely! Maybe just 2 nights.. But with your own little family! Nice!

  12. Amy #13

    Fun! Enjoy!

  13. Raisa #14

    I see you've already made a lovely choice.
    Just letting you have my input for now
    My husband hardly ever wants to go on vacation, so I go with my mom towards the sun for a week every year. He stays home with the dogs. He doesn't see this as a problem even once we have a baby.
    I do miss him then, but the need to get away for a week is just too strong so I just accept it

  14. Roosje started this #15

    Thanks Raisa for your input. I think I'll do that too when he's a bit older

  15. Roosje started this #16

    Hey mamas,

    Here I am again. You might still remember the situation, but I'm stuck with a man who doesn't like going on holiday since the baby arrived. We had agreed not to go on holiday this summer because my husband didn't feel comfortable with it. We did agree to go away for a week between Christmas and New Year's. Now I've been pushing for months to get something booked, but he always has an excuse to avoid going. First, it was his basketball (but he's off then, winter break), then I stopped for a few months, thinking he might suggest something on his own, but no. Now I've been asking for weeks to look at certain trips, but he says he has no time, doesn't want to deal with travel in the evenings, just wants to relax and watch TV, says the trips have become too expensive now (well, the longer you wait to book, the more expensive they naturally are), then says the flight is too long. (We'd like to go to the Canary Islands. Our son will be 9 months old then. It's about a 4 to 5-hour flight). Then I give in and look for destinations like Malaga because the flight is shorter. Then he says those are too cold.

    Every time there's a new excuse ready, it seems to me. How can I convince him that a holiday can be nice? Because he keeps telling me he gets stressed just thinking about having to fly with our baby. Is it really that exceptional to go on holiday with a baby?

    I don't know what to do because as a mom, I really need a holiday and need to get away for a bit.

    Thanks, dear mamas

  16. Raisa #17

    I’d just go without him, and maybe bring grandma along or something? My husband isn’t really into it either, so he usually stays home.
    We’ve decided that once the little one is here, we won’t take any plane vacations for the first 1.5 to 2 years.

  17. Bueno #18

    I'd go without him too. He clearly shows he has no desire to go on vacation. If he were to agree and you don't like the destination, you won't have a nice vacation anyway. Let him have his way and go without your husband. Don't push him, because it's pointless. Pick a nice place, bring someone else along, and enjoy yourself!

  18. Roosje started this #19

    Thanks for your good advice. Yesterday he decided that we're not going anywhere, not even close by. I'm done. I've had enough of being stuck between four walls and always putting myself in third place. On top of that, I'm sick. I wrote him a letter to sound the alarm and I'm going to hand it over tonight. Because I do want to go on holiday without him, but I feel so bad about taking his son with me and him not seeing him for a while...

  19. Raisa #20

    Strength to you, Roosje

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