Nice chat
Overwhelmed & pregnant
AnonimaGuest ·
Hi everyone! I hesitated a bit about posting this in a public space, but I’ve really valued the (online) experiences of others in recent weeks. Sorry for the long story, but I hope there are people who have experience with my situation 
As short as possible:
My partner and I decided a few months ago to stop the pill, for our first baby. It was all fun, we found it very exciting. Unfortunately, I received a negative performance review at work shortly after, which I believe - and fortunately my colleagues do too - was very unjust. The reason doesn't matter further, but my total stress reaction does. I am very methodical and the idea that I could lose my job made me so insecure. In the months that followed, I went at it hard and drained myself completely. Going to work every day with the fear that my boss might have something to complain about, truly terrible. After two months, I started getting sick - continuous colds leading to a real infection. A friend warned me that I was heading for a burnout, but I ignored that. Secretly, I thought 'if I get pregnant, they can't fire me anymore'. I thought that would give me peace of mind, but actually, I linked something that should have been beautiful to the worst situation.
And then my period stopped. I was very happy, bought a stack of tests and everything was negative. I didn't understand it, but soon learned that you sometimes only test positive after a few weeks. So I kept trying for a few weeks, looking back well into the sixth week, and it remained negative. I got some cramps and also lost some blood, suspecting that maybe I had disrupted my cycle due to stress. Should I go to the doctor then? And then the stress hit. From one day to the next, I could do nothing. Getting up was just about okay, but I could barely walk the dog, let alone do some shopping. Truly a total nightmare, I never realized that getting stressed affects you so mentally. I also had feelings of guilt and shame, I knew damn well that I had made a mess of things and took everything on myself. I went on sick leave and also to the doctor; I wanted a referral for a therapist because I needed to process everything, I was sure of that. I also asked the doctor right away about the missed period and it was 'completely normal with burnout/stress, it will come back on its own.'
It took three weeks for the work-adrenaline to leave my system and slowly I started feeling more like myself again, less depressed and 'out-of-control', although with ups and downs. My partner tried to be understanding, but he also got irritated when he came home from work and the dust hadn't been vacuumed. I was home all day, right? I couldn't explain to him well enough that on some days I simply couldn't manage. Cooking and shopping were also a problem, I had so much tension in my body and very little appetite. I often stood half-gagging in the supermarket and then slept the whole afternoon because it cost me all my energy. And then the craving for sweets came. It became so extreme that in the sixth week I started to suspect at home that something more was going on. My mother's comment 'you remind me of myself when I was pregnant with that sweet-tooth' made me jump. Could it really be? I hadn't had my period for a while, but had some cramps which made me hope it would start again, a sign of recovery.
Actually, more for safety, I bought a test and to my great surprise it was positive. I was completely surprised and stared out the window for two hours with the test in my hand. Mentally, I could barely handle such a big shock, was this real? My partner reacted happy but confused. When did this happen, how long was I pregnant? I really had no idea. The doctor referred me to the midwife for an ultrasound. After quite a bit of searching and a black screen (I thought, see, that test was wrong after all), suddenly a baby appeared on the screen, 11 weeks (!), kicking and pixelated. Midwife happy, my partner and I completely overwhelmed.
It took me a week to get over my guilt, how could I not know? I felt like the worst mother, partner, employee, etc., I had messed up everything, that's how I saw it; no folic acid, I had eaten red meat and once had a glass of wine (fortunately I'm not a big drinker!). And the stress, I had so much stress in my body. And there was a lot to arrange because I was already so far along. Intake, NIPT test, blood test, another ultrasound, and an appointment with the occupational health service that caused a lot of stress. During the second ultrasound and blood test, I almost fainted, I was completely exhausted mentally and physically. In the week before, it cost me all my strength to do a load of laundry and walk the dog, let alone this. In the midwife's file it says 'mother: first baby, no allergies, psychological complaints.' Not exactly what you want to see. I had to make myself strong again and not get stuck in my guilt, the situation is what it is, and there are also good sides.
Now I'm a few weeks further and things are slowly getting better again, but I have a lot of nausea and bloating, burping and almost vomiting. Looking back, I already had that, but I wrote it off as stress. Interestingly, that helps; the realization that many symptoms can be attributed to the pregnancy, or that the pregnancy may have caused or worsened the stress. (I can't find any reading material on this)
I have
As short as possible:
My partner and I decided a few months ago to stop the pill, for our first baby. It was all fun, we found it very exciting. Unfortunately, I received a negative performance review at work shortly after, which I believe - and fortunately my colleagues do too - was very unjust. The reason doesn't matter further, but my total stress reaction does. I am very methodical and the idea that I could lose my job made me so insecure. In the months that followed, I went at it hard and drained myself completely. Going to work every day with the fear that my boss might have something to complain about, truly terrible. After two months, I started getting sick - continuous colds leading to a real infection. A friend warned me that I was heading for a burnout, but I ignored that. Secretly, I thought 'if I get pregnant, they can't fire me anymore'. I thought that would give me peace of mind, but actually, I linked something that should have been beautiful to the worst situation.
And then my period stopped. I was very happy, bought a stack of tests and everything was negative. I didn't understand it, but soon learned that you sometimes only test positive after a few weeks. So I kept trying for a few weeks, looking back well into the sixth week, and it remained negative. I got some cramps and also lost some blood, suspecting that maybe I had disrupted my cycle due to stress. Should I go to the doctor then? And then the stress hit. From one day to the next, I could do nothing. Getting up was just about okay, but I could barely walk the dog, let alone do some shopping. Truly a total nightmare, I never realized that getting stressed affects you so mentally. I also had feelings of guilt and shame, I knew damn well that I had made a mess of things and took everything on myself. I went on sick leave and also to the doctor; I wanted a referral for a therapist because I needed to process everything, I was sure of that. I also asked the doctor right away about the missed period and it was 'completely normal with burnout/stress, it will come back on its own.'
It took three weeks for the work-adrenaline to leave my system and slowly I started feeling more like myself again, less depressed and 'out-of-control', although with ups and downs. My partner tried to be understanding, but he also got irritated when he came home from work and the dust hadn't been vacuumed. I was home all day, right? I couldn't explain to him well enough that on some days I simply couldn't manage. Cooking and shopping were also a problem, I had so much tension in my body and very little appetite. I often stood half-gagging in the supermarket and then slept the whole afternoon because it cost me all my energy. And then the craving for sweets came. It became so extreme that in the sixth week I started to suspect at home that something more was going on. My mother's comment 'you remind me of myself when I was pregnant with that sweet-tooth' made me jump. Could it really be? I hadn't had my period for a while, but had some cramps which made me hope it would start again, a sign of recovery.
Actually, more for safety, I bought a test and to my great surprise it was positive. I was completely surprised and stared out the window for two hours with the test in my hand. Mentally, I could barely handle such a big shock, was this real? My partner reacted happy but confused. When did this happen, how long was I pregnant? I really had no idea. The doctor referred me to the midwife for an ultrasound. After quite a bit of searching and a black screen (I thought, see, that test was wrong after all), suddenly a baby appeared on the screen, 11 weeks (!), kicking and pixelated. Midwife happy, my partner and I completely overwhelmed.
It took me a week to get over my guilt, how could I not know? I felt like the worst mother, partner, employee, etc., I had messed up everything, that's how I saw it; no folic acid, I had eaten red meat and once had a glass of wine (fortunately I'm not a big drinker!). And the stress, I had so much stress in my body. And there was a lot to arrange because I was already so far along. Intake, NIPT test, blood test, another ultrasound, and an appointment with the occupational health service that caused a lot of stress. During the second ultrasound and blood test, I almost fainted, I was completely exhausted mentally and physically. In the week before, it cost me all my strength to do a load of laundry and walk the dog, let alone this. In the midwife's file it says 'mother: first baby, no allergies, psychological complaints.' Not exactly what you want to see. I had to make myself strong again and not get stuck in my guilt, the situation is what it is, and there are also good sides.
Now I'm a few weeks further and things are slowly getting better again, but I have a lot of nausea and bloating, burping and almost vomiting. Looking back, I already had that, but I wrote it off as stress. Interestingly, that helps; the realization that many symptoms can be attributed to the pregnancy, or that the pregnancy may have caused or worsened the stress. (I can't find any reading material on this)
I have
Replies
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Tjitske #2
Hey girls,
I wanted to chime in. In the past few years, I also suffered badly from a burnout/adrenal exhaustion or whatever you want to call it. Extremely tired, just taking the dishwasher out in the morning felt like too much. Then I’d just crawl back onto the couch.. I also got all sorts of complaints regarding allergies, constant colds, headaches, muscle pain, hormones going haywire. Really unpleasant! And especially that almost no one understood anything about it. Because: 'everyone gets tired once in a while'; 'you just have to get going', etc. That it’s a completely different kind of tiredness is almost impossible to explain. In 2013, I had an early miscarriage because of this. And after that, things got even worse.
I went to an orthomolecular therapist after that. She provided the right supplements, so many complaints disappeared. But after a few years, I noticed I was still extremely tired mentally. So last year, I did neurofeedback. Brain training. It turned out my brain was functioning extremely poorly (due to all the stress from the previous years) and on top of that, I couldn’t get into deep sleep anymore, which exhausted me even more. After half a year of training, I felt like a different person. My cycle became normal again too. I’m now 11 weeks pregnant. I’m still taking an adrenal extract, which is allowed, to strengthen myself.
I also felt completely useless for a long time. I wanted to, but it didn’t work out. My emotions were very flat. And I really didn’t feel like myself. I missed myself.. that’s really weird. During the first neurofeedback session, I suddenly started crying. That felt so good! As if I was getting space in my head again.
Here’s the link to the place where I was treated: https://www.breinenwelzijn.nl/
I’m no longer at my lowest point with the burnout, but I’m still in the final recovery phase. Still, we decided to try for a baby again. Because having to wait every time gave me more stress.. I’m curious how the pregnancy will go from here, now mostly nauseous and tired. -
Betty Guest #3
Anonymous, so relatable. I myself was on the verge of a burnout, meaning I was experiencing the symptoms. My job was draining all my energy, and once I got home, I was completely exhausted, yet I still had to do all sorts of things because we run a livestock farm. It wasn't a 9-to-5 job for my husband, so managing the household and our son fell mostly on my plate. If I had even a little chance, I'd probably be on the couch too.
I did reach out fairly quickly because I'd watched my mother go in and out of depression often enough, and I didn't want that for myself. Especially not for my little boy. While talking with a GGZ (mental health) doctor, I listed out what drained my energy the most and what gave me energy. It became very clear that I needed to hand over certain work to someone else. It also helped me to alternate energy-draining tasks with energizing ones throughout the day. Unfortunately, my contract wasn't renewed. In the end, I chose to help my husband on the farm instead of continuing to apply for jobs. Just take a step back, rest, and see if I can get closer to my passion later on. Or maybe it's enough just like this.
It varies from day to day, and sometimes even during the day. I struggle especially on dark days outside. I need to rest regularly if I've been busy for a while. I now go for a nice half-hour workout every week, and I do fun things with my son. I hope that after the holidays I'll bounce back a bit toward my old self, and that we'll be expecting our second child soon. I want to be a mother who's there for her husband and kids and keep a livable home. If it really becomes necessary, I'll go back to work, but for now, we're taking a step back from the luxuries and just enjoying being together. -
Hato #4
Wow, I'm really moved reading your stories, but you are such strong women!! If no one has ever told you this, I want to do it now, but as a woman myself, I'm truly proud of you! Seriously, I'm amazed, no words for it. I really hope from the bottom of my heart that you all get a happy life... and that your children all grow up to be strong adults, just like their moms.. lots of respect and love
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Ukje #5
Hey Anonima,
I’m in exactly the same situation!
I have a 2-year-old son. After giving birth to him, I went back to working full-time on a shift system. My husband also works in shifts, and we worked opposite shifts so as to burden our son as little as possible and ensure that one of us was always there for him. But after a few months, this became very hard for me. I hardly saw my husband anymore, and the little time we did see each other, we argued about our frustrations. I was home just one day a week and still had to do all the housework. My son also had difficult periods, probably because he sensed my stress. At work, things went from bad to worse, and I no longer felt happy. I went to work against my will, did my 8 hours at work while smiling and pretending to be someone I wasn’t, and then on the drive home I’d sit in the car and cry the whole way.
We had decided to try for a second child anyway. In January 2016, I stopped the pill. I got pregnant with our son the first time, but now I couldn’t get pregnant because of the stress. Every month was a disappointment. In August 2016, I started having physical symptoms like headaches, exhaustion, sore throat, no energy, gastritis, muscle pain, a stiff neck, and so on. After seeing the GP several times, I was diagnosed with burnout in November 2016. Around that time in November, I said I didn’t want a second child anymore; I couldn’t handle the situation right now, and I put our desire for a child aside. Before that, we had been actively trying to have intercourse regularly around my ovulation. Now in November, I only had sex once because I had no energy left and thought, if I don’t get pregnant this time after all the other times failed, I wouldn’t think about it anymore. But it turned out I was pregnant after all. I called the GP right away, and yes, I was 5 weeks pregnant. I cried; I didn’t want that baby anymore. How could I have burnout and still be pregnant? The people around me reacted the same way. But since we had chosen to have a second child, we decided to continue the pregnancy. After all, a pregnancy lasts 9 months, and the GP said that by then you’d see things differently.
Now I’m 38 weeks pregnant and have already been through a heavy journey: being pregnant, having a 2-year-old, and dealing with burnout. I still have some fear about the birth, but mostly I’m worried about whether I’ll be able to handle this new situation. I’ve been home since November, and the GP told me not to go back to work yet. For now, I’m staying home until January so I can hopefully make a fresh start at work then. So, looking at the situation after the birth, I’m still in the dark for now.
Greetings, Ukje! -
Bente Guest #6
I'd like to respond to you, dear anonima.
What a rotten situation, first of all! You wouldn't wish that on anyone, especially not with your first pregnancy. You just want to be happy, have energy, and experience a beautiful time.
Unfortunately, it's similar here. Burnout, for a year now, on sick leave, but we still decided to get pregnant again. A bright spot; there have to be some! Now 19 weeks pregnant and already have a son of 3.5 years. That combination, along with the burnout, is often exhausting. I can so well imagine how you're feeling right now. It's just really heavy, every day again!
No real tips. Everyone has to figure out what works best for them when it comes to being overworked. I think therapy is good anyway. I'm seeing yet another therapist. Now I finally feel better.
Your partner should show more understanding, help with the housework, etc., super relatable, but sometimes you just can't do anything; you're sick!!! Not for nothing are you pregnant!
Wishing you lots of strength and love! Take good care of yourself and your baby
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Anoniem Guest #7
Hi dear girl, hopefully you can use my experience. I've been struggling with burnout symptoms for years. Just before I got pregnant, things finally started to improve a bit. Now at week 12, I feel burned out again: it feels exactly the same... but what I've learned is this: try not to put it in a box and... you deserve (!) rest. That's the only thing your body asks of you: to give yourself some rest. Nothing you have to do. Just chill. The harder you resist, the worse it gets. It's not a big deal, it is what it is and you need rest; that's all. Bad luck for your friend - he has no idea. Hire a cleaner if you have to, to vacuum. Spend as little time on your phone as possible (huge energy drain because of all the stimuli), and otherwise... relax. Do nothing, stare at something in front of you, read a (cozy) book. Try to keep life as simple as possible; that's how it's supposed to be :-) We humans have made it so complicated. Lots of strength!
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