Babbles
Wavering about wanting kids
ano
Hi everyone,
I never thought I’d ask for advice here, and I never imagined my desire for kids would be this strong. I’ve had several long-term relationships in the past, and I’ve been with my current boyfriend for two years now. He feels like the one I want to grow old with. I always thought he wanted kids too, but today we talked about it and I realized he’s not sure about it at all. He can’t give a clear yes or no. I have a huge desire for children and would like to start trying around age 30. I’m 27 now, and he’s 31. Our conversation has left me really doubting. He thinks it’s nonsense that I’m so worked up about this. But to me, it’s very important, so I don’t know what to do now. Should I just wait until he has an answer in a few years? It’s making me doubt our relationship because we’re not on the same page, and I’m scared of living in uncertainty for years to come.
I never thought I’d ask for advice here, and I never imagined my desire for kids would be this strong. I’ve had several long-term relationships in the past, and I’ve been with my current boyfriend for two years now. He feels like the one I want to grow old with. I always thought he wanted kids too, but today we talked about it and I realized he’s not sure about it at all. He can’t give a clear yes or no. I have a huge desire for children and would like to start trying around age 30. I’m 27 now, and he’s 31. Our conversation has left me really doubting. He thinks it’s nonsense that I’m so worked up about this. But to me, it’s very important, so I don’t know what to do now. Should I just wait until he has an answer in a few years? It’s making me doubt our relationship because we’re not on the same page, and I’m scared of living in uncertainty for years to come.
Replies
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Olivia #2
My answer isn't going to sit well with you. I stayed in a relationship for six years with someone who could never give me a clear-cut answer about many things. Marriage, buying a house, having kids... It was always doubt. I kept telling myself we'd give it time, we're still young. When we turned 28, we finally called it quits—I was on a completely different track than him, so to speak. In the end, he admitted that for six years he hadn't known whether he wanted to continue with me, but because I was "perfect on paper," he couldn't bring himself to make a decision. I knew nothing about this...
After a while, I met my current boyfriend. After a year, I asked him if he ever wanted kids (I didn't dare to bring it up too soon). He said yes, but not right away. I could live with that because I got a "yes" and found peace within myself. Two years later, we bought a house and are pregnant with our first baby, and we're both overjoyed together.
So, I don't like ambiguous answers. To me, that's the same as stringing someone along. -
Anonymous #3
A wish for a child doesn’t just disappear out of nowhere. It’s become really important to you. Honestly, I personally find it a bit disrespectful that he just brushes it off and dismisses it as nonsense. I think you should just be honest with him and lay out what you’ve already said:
"Should I just wait until he has an answer in a few years? It makes me doubt our relationship because we’re not on the same page, and I’m afraid of living in uncertainty for years to come."
Tell him how it affects you and that you simply want to know how long he wants to wait, why he wants to wait, and why he’s so hesitant, etc. These are really important conversations. You also have every right to know how he feels about it and where you stand. Otherwise, if the desire is really strong, you might consider making another choice to make your dream come true. But then you’ll have made an honest choice.
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