Recognition & authority

Hi everyone,

I have a small problem. I'm currently 32 weeks pregnant

and can't wait for the little one to arrive. However, I got pregnant from a one-night stand (the morning-after pill didn't work) and now, 7 months later, I've come to the conclusion that it's not going to work out between us. He's a sweetheart and kind, but we're too different and I just don't feel it anymore. It feels more like an obligation now because of my pregnancy.

However, he is and remains the father, so he has every right to his child and is always welcome at my place. We'll definitely work things out.

So, we were supposed to acknowledge the baby today and give him his surname. I thought he had the right to this (as the father), but at the last minute, I started doubting heavily. I don't want to continue with him, and then I find it difficult that my child won't have my surname. Also, if he marries in the future, his partner will take his surname, and thus also my child's. I find it terrible to do this to him and I'm doubting enormously. Whatever choice I make, my rotten feelings won't go away. I wish him well as a father and especially in this situation, but I don't think I can live with it.

I wanted to keep custody on my side anyway for now, so I find it extra annoying if I don't stick with his surname, but if it becomes his name, I'll only do it purely for him, because I don't support it at all myself.

This will likely be the first argument, because he completely disagrees with this.

What do you all think about this?

Thanks in advance!

Maybe I'm a bit biased here. I carried my father's last name, even though my mother raised me. I know it was really tough for her—not necessarily emotionally, but practically speaking. People always asked why I had a different last name. It was pretty painful for her, since she was the one taking care of me day and night. Don't forget that when you start a new relationship, there could be three different last names on the nameplate at the door (as long as you're not married). I found that pretty weird as a kid.

When I turned eighteen, I decided to take my mother's last name. Mostly out of respect for her and pride. It was the best decision I could have made. So I'd keep my chin up and go for your last name. But as I said, my situation might be completely different from yours. Because breaking up doesn't automatically mean that as a father you won't take responsibility. Unfortunately, in my case, it did.

Recognition & authority

Replies

Add your reply