1 year and 6 months later

oh dear you're doing nothing wrong. The miscarriage is not your fault!! How long were you trying? Are you now 1 year and 6 months into it for the first one?

I've had 2 miscarriages myself, so unfortunately I know how you feel It brings so much grief, and I had the feeling that I/my body failed. All the dreams... everything wiped away in one go, so hard and so difficult.

* well, it's better this way, since the embryo wasn't healthy anyway.
* you can get pregnant, so next time it'll surely go well.
* you shouldn't dwell on it too much.
* children aren't the meaning of life either, aren't you two happy together?
* maybe play more with little kids, that might activate it.
* maybe you should eat/drink this or that or blablabla etc etc...

I heard all the (exhausting) "well-meaning" comfort, advice, tips and tricks, and the only thing it did was make me think, so it's my fault. If I had done this or that then... it just didn't bring any comfort. A friend of mine said nothing, she put her arm around me and said "how hard this is, K.T." and that was all-encompassing for me, and only that helped. Then I felt that my grief was allowed to be there and I could give in to it.

Please try to let go of what others claim or think they know. The whole process of getting pregnant/staying pregnant is hard enough already when you have as much patience as you do Be kind to yourself and your body and trust it. My patience was eventually rewarded after a few years with the sweetest little girl in the world I really hope you get to experience that happiness too!! Nothing more beautiful than that

I hung 2 silver hearts on a nice little tree in the backyard. That way I can often look at them. One heart for each child because I will never want to forget them. They belong to me and that will always remain so.

Thanks, anonymous, for your reply! The GP and the gynecologist say that the initial tests (for me) show nothing wrong. My husband's tests still need to be done, so there's still some uncertainty. But we'll deal with that if I turn out to be having my period again this time...

Dear Chantieeee,
Yes, we're going for our first little one.

I took some time to let the words sink in! Thank you for your supportive words. Fortunately and unfortunately, I was just pregnant and as soon as I knew, a week later I had bleeding. The emotions of wow I'm pregnant and all the doubts and worries that came up were harder to process than suddenly realizing it was short-lived... knowing that I could have been a mom now weighs heavier than I thought. Because in my close circle there are moms who have that luck. Don't misunderstand me.. I'm obviously very happy for them!! But it's just hard for me... for myself. Not for the others. I notice that I took it lightly when I eventually had a miscarriage and think that now I'm only starting to feel the impact. I'm deeply touched by your words. And a little star on a beautiful tree might be an appropriate farewell... to something that wasn't but was anyway. I really thank you! Your words have touched me but also give me the strength to move forward. Soon my husband will have to undergo his first test ???? and hopefully that will bring clarity. Is everything okay.. then maybe I can place it a bit more. If there's a problem we at least know where the problem is. And who knows, maybe the problem is with me, suppose everything is okay with him.. then we'll continue testing with me. Once again, thank you for taking the time to share your support. This does me good.