Biechthoekje
Pregnant student
Anoniem23Guest ·
Hi ladies,
I'm 23, in my final year of my HBO (higher professional education) studies, and I live at home with my mom and stepdad in a maisonette. I also have a part-time job, usually on Saturdays, and maybe during the week if it suits me.
So, I just found out I'm 9 weeks pregnant with my ex's baby. I was taking the pill regularly. My ex and I dated for a year, but the whole thing is that he's married (please don't judge me :$). He's not going to divorce because of his two kids with his wife. So this pregnancy came as a total shock to both of us, and we both panicked.
I'm feeling pretty desperate right now. First, I'm not sure if I want to keep the baby because I'd be a single mom still studying and living at home. Second, if I keep the baby, there's a chance he/she will grow up without a father. Third, there's no space in the house for baby stuff, and I can't afford my own place. I've been registered for social housing for two years now, but I haven't been offered anything yet.
What's your advice or experience? How would you handle combining studies and a baby? And what about housing?
I'm 23, in my final year of my HBO (higher professional education) studies, and I live at home with my mom and stepdad in a maisonette. I also have a part-time job, usually on Saturdays, and maybe during the week if it suits me.
So, I just found out I'm 9 weeks pregnant with my ex's baby. I was taking the pill regularly. My ex and I dated for a year, but the whole thing is that he's married (please don't judge me :$). He's not going to divorce because of his two kids with his wife. So this pregnancy came as a total shock to both of us, and we both panicked.
I'm feeling pretty desperate right now. First, I'm not sure if I want to keep the baby because I'd be a single mom still studying and living at home. Second, if I keep the baby, there's a chance he/she will grow up without a father. Third, there's no space in the house for baby stuff, and I can't afford my own place. I've been registered for social housing for two years now, but I haven't been offered anything yet.
What's your advice or experience? How would you handle combining studies and a baby? And what about housing?
Replies
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Anoniemes Guest #2
First of all, I don't judge. Second, I wouldn't have a child terminated for the reasons you mentioned.
You can keep the baby in your room for the first year and look for housing during that year.
Maybe with subsidies...
And put your studies on hold...
Then just pick them up again after giving birth... There are more children who grew up without a dad
And also grew up fine...
Please don't have an abortion, you'll really regret it.
Have you had an ultrasound yet? -
Anonymous Guest #3
Talk it over with your parents too, maybe they want to help you. Look into what the options are for childcare and whether you can still get childcare allowance for it. Your ex will have to pay child support, after all, he's responsible for the baby too, even if he doesn't want to continue with you. It was his choice to cheat, so he'll have to bear the consequences. Discuss with your school what the options are for your studies; maybe you can follow an adapted program. If you want to go it alone, also ask where you're registered whether you might be entitled to priority because you're expecting a baby. Try to look as much as possible in advance at what your options are and where you can get support; a baby needs love above all. You can make the material stuff as cheap or expensive as you want, that doesn't matter to the baby. The beginning might be tough, but your life doesn't stop when you have a baby. You can still have a successful life. You just need to decide for yourself whether you can make the sacrifices now; whatever you choose, you can't turn both back. -
Anoniempje Guest #4
Hi! Thanks for your reply
Glad there's no judgment haha.
I don't think I could bring myself to have an abortion. I'd regret it forever.
By the way, my room is already really small. I have a bed, desk, and a cabinet in there, and it's already full. But I guess I'd take the desk out.
I'll also look into how subsidies work. I know I get a single-parent allowance. And you're totally right that more kids have grown up without a parent. In the end, it'll all work out, I think. It seems hard to combine study and a baby, though. Luckily, I already have my MBO 4 diploma. It would be a shame not to finish this HBO degree, but luckily there's a rule that you have to get your diploma within 10 years. I think I'll manage that.
I haven't had my ultrasound yet. It's scheduled for next week. I'm really looking forward to it! -
Anoniem23 started this #5
Hi! My parents already know. My mom isn't pro-abortion either and says everything will be fine. The baby will just grow on its own, she says. And she has a good point! The advantage is also that I've saved quite a bit over the years. As for baby stuff, I'll try to keep it as cheap as possible.
If all goes well, I'll get the single-parent allowance plus childcare subsidy. My grandma is also very excited about becoming a great-grandma and really wants to babysit if needed.
Soon I'll make an appointment with school to discuss the possibilities. My love for my baby is growing more and more. Life indeed doesn't end with having a child and will only get better, I think
As for housing, I think they no longer give priority just because you're pregnant...
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