Babbles
Pregnant and stepmom
RJB
Hi everyone, I’m new here and would love to share something with you all.
My husband and I are expecting our first child together. My husband already has 3 kids from a previous marriage, and his eldest daughter, who is 16, lives with us. Luckily, I get along really well with her, and she thinks it’s fantastic that she’s getting a brother or sister. Of course, I’m happy and grateful that we live together in such harmony, and I’m so proud that my stepdaughter is so happy with me. Still, it’s been gnawing at me that I’ll soon be living in the same house with a baby (who feels like my own) and a stepdaughter (however sweet she is, but who doesn’t feel like my own). I know it sounds silly, but I’m dreading it. Deep down, I’m anxious about her wanting to pull my baby out of bed, bathe him/her, etc. People around me often say, “Oh, it’ll be handy to have her help out later.” But inside, I’m screaming, “I don’t want that at all!” I know my post might stir up some reactions, like, “Well, that’s just the situation, why are you complaining?” But these are my feelings, and I’m really struggling with this. Does anyone relate to this or can they empathize? I just feel a huge urge to nest and protect my “own.” My husband and my child. Emotionally, my stepchild doesn’t belong there..... And I repeat that; emotionally. Because logically, I know better... Looking forward to your responses, thanks.
My husband and I are expecting our first child together. My husband already has 3 kids from a previous marriage, and his eldest daughter, who is 16, lives with us. Luckily, I get along really well with her, and she thinks it’s fantastic that she’s getting a brother or sister. Of course, I’m happy and grateful that we live together in such harmony, and I’m so proud that my stepdaughter is so happy with me. Still, it’s been gnawing at me that I’ll soon be living in the same house with a baby (who feels like my own) and a stepdaughter (however sweet she is, but who doesn’t feel like my own). I know it sounds silly, but I’m dreading it. Deep down, I’m anxious about her wanting to pull my baby out of bed, bathe him/her, etc. People around me often say, “Oh, it’ll be handy to have her help out later.” But inside, I’m screaming, “I don’t want that at all!” I know my post might stir up some reactions, like, “Well, that’s just the situation, why are you complaining?” But these are my feelings, and I’m really struggling with this. Does anyone relate to this or can they empathize? I just feel a huge urge to nest and protect my “own.” My husband and my child. Emotionally, my stepchild doesn’t belong there..... And I repeat that; emotionally. Because logically, I know better... Looking forward to your responses, thanks.
Replies
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Anonymous Guest #2
That's probably mostly the hormones talking. I get that you'll look at your stepdaughter differently once you have your own baby. I think once you're a bit used to your little one, you'll find it nice if your stepdaughter wants to help out. She's her half-sister after all, so she's family, not a total stranger.
P.S. Your feelings aren't weird, of course you want to keep your little one to yourself, especially at the beginning. I already find it a terrible idea that my little one has to be away from me for a bit after birth for the check-ups. -
Ster #3
I totally get it. Your stepdaughter is 16, so you can talk to her pretty easily. You'll also get used to this feeling over time. I'd just explain to her that because the baby has been with you in your belly for so long, you're not quite ready to share him/her with dad yet. With the maternity nurse, you don't really have a choice sometimes, but with the rest of the family, you do. You'll notice that as the baby gets older, it'll become easier.
Also, I'd follow my own feelings here and, to spare your stepdaughter's feelings, not let anyone hold the baby until you feel okay with it. So when you're ready, you'd put the baby in her arms first before your mom is allowed to cuddle the baby. Until then, the baby stays with you or your partner. That's how I'd do it.
Good luck! -
Lief Guest #4
I think you can kiss her with both hands. It wouldn't be true for me. She can push you away just as well, and where would you be then? My stepmom is also pregnant. My dad is already over 50, she's only 28. I'm 25 myself and already have a son. Can you imagine that? First grandpa, then again papa. So I think you're worrying about nothing. You should be happy that she accepts you.
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