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Who can relate to this?
KatieGuest ·
Hi ladies,
I sometimes read on the forum or the internet that women who find out they're pregnant (via a test) are incredibly happy and could scream it from the rooftops. I didn't feel that at all. I'm married, 30 years old, we both have nice jobs and really want kids. My husband is 6 years older than me and wanted it even more than I did. I kept going back and forth, yes/no, yes/no... I knew I wanted it but I still felt so young. I had (have) a very free life, live with my husband in London, career, still studying, going out, booking trips, so I sometimes wondered if I wanted it now or if I should wait a few more years. My husband and I went on vacation to South Africa last February and I had this strong feeling that I wanted it. I love him so much, love our marriage, and knew that if I never "took" children, I'd regret it terribly. Bam... pregnant... when I found out about 4 weeks later, I wasn't happy at all. I was confused, unsure, saw my whole youth, the partying, my career flying out the window, and thought: is this really what I want, I can't go back... it sounds silly but I needed weeks to "give it a place." I told my girlfriends only weeks later because I couldn't get the words out. I was even a bit depressed, confused actually. My young, impulsive life is over, done, finished... pffff now I'm 20 weeks and I'm really happy about it though!!! I'm looking forward to it, looking forward to seeing my baby... but in waves... really very occasionally... that fear comes up again and that doubt... am I not too young... should I have waited 2 more years. I feel so guilty about this, I'm sure I'd be a good mother and I truly believe that once you hold your little one in your arms all doubts will melt away like snow in the sun. But what if they don't? I feel so bad that I wasn't like all the other moms jumping for joy on the couch when I found out I was pregnant.
I sometimes read on the forum or the internet that women who find out they're pregnant (via a test) are incredibly happy and could scream it from the rooftops. I didn't feel that at all. I'm married, 30 years old, we both have nice jobs and really want kids. My husband is 6 years older than me and wanted it even more than I did. I kept going back and forth, yes/no, yes/no... I knew I wanted it but I still felt so young. I had (have) a very free life, live with my husband in London, career, still studying, going out, booking trips, so I sometimes wondered if I wanted it now or if I should wait a few more years. My husband and I went on vacation to South Africa last February and I had this strong feeling that I wanted it. I love him so much, love our marriage, and knew that if I never "took" children, I'd regret it terribly. Bam... pregnant... when I found out about 4 weeks later, I wasn't happy at all. I was confused, unsure, saw my whole youth, the partying, my career flying out the window, and thought: is this really what I want, I can't go back... it sounds silly but I needed weeks to "give it a place." I told my girlfriends only weeks later because I couldn't get the words out. I was even a bit depressed, confused actually. My young, impulsive life is over, done, finished... pffff now I'm 20 weeks and I'm really happy about it though!!! I'm looking forward to it, looking forward to seeing my baby... but in waves... really very occasionally... that fear comes up again and that doubt... am I not too young... should I have waited 2 more years. I feel so guilty about this, I'm sure I'd be a good mother and I truly believe that once you hold your little one in your arms all doubts will melt away like snow in the sun. But what if they don't? I feel so bad that I wasn't like all the other moms jumping for joy on the couch when I found out I was pregnant.
Replies
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Jennifer Guest #2
Hi Katie, I totally relate to your story. I got pregnant at 22, right when I had just finished my studies. Now, 3 years later, I still sometimes wonder how things might have been different, but I’m incredibly glad I got pregnant so early because it’s truly amazing to experience this.
Now that our son is 3, I’m getting more and more free time, and if I wanted to, I could dive back into my career. But in the meantime, I’ve changed so much that it’s no longer my priority.
Love, Jennifer -
Iza #3
It’s not for nothing that your pregnancy lasts 9 months. It’s not just for the baby to develop and grow, but also for the parents to get used to the idea
It’s a big deal, after all. A pregnancy is a decision that will change your whole life, and that can be quite scary. But you’ll notice that after your baby is born, you’ll start valuing other things more. You’ll find that trips and weekend getaways become less important. And this won’t happen without some bumps along the way. If you’re still feeling confused or unsure, talk to someone! It really helps, and it’ll only make you feel more at ease as a new mom after the birth. Good luck with it, and enjoy it! -
Olivia-Anna #4
That's so true, Iza, about those 9 months—I'd never seen it like that before!!
Katie: (I'm only 22 myself)
Not every new mom is eager!!
Don't feel guilty!! You'll really grow into it, whether it's early or late!!
Try to seek out people who are positive and not judgmental!!
And think about all the fun things you'll be able to do together soon:
Your young life isn't over: How many women don't go shopping and partying with their daughter, for example??
It'll really work out. Your anxiety might also partly come from hormones, and you don't always have to suppress it either—it's better to talk to someone!
Try to look for the positive!! -
Katie started this #5
Thanks, ladies. I'm glad to hear that it's pretty normal. I really believe that you do need some time to let it sink in, and even after the baby is born, you might still get sudden waves of panic. I truly believe, even though I haven't experienced it yet, that holding your baby in your arms changes a lot and gives you new needs and priorities. Luckily, I have some great friends who are about the same age as me but already have two kids (3 years old), so they were a bit younger when they had theirs. They totally relate to that feeling, so it's nice to talk it through—it makes it feel a bit less heavy. And still, some women don't relate to it at all and don't know what I'm talking about (maybe), but hey, everyone's different, thankfully. -
Anonymous Guest #6
I really wanted a baby, but when I was pregnant, I didn’t have that “WOW, I’M PREGNANT!” feeling. It just felt normal to say so. But once the baby was born, I could shout it from the rooftops! During pregnancy, I’d promised everyone I’d take good care of my child, but after birth, I didn’t want to give my baby up to anyone. Pfff, what a birth and motherhood do to you. Every pregnancy/birth and motherhood is different. I hope you grow into it or that the birth unlocks something in you, because it’s an amazing feeling! Good luck. -
Olivia-Anna #7
My mom is truly a motherly type:
She used to cook for an entire orphanage, our table was always set for one extra person,
we all went (12 of us plus a friend..) to the beach, amusement parks, or horseback riding,
she always braided our hair in special ways, and when we traveled she'd iron our clothes at night..
I couldn't believe my ears when she told me that when she held my oldest sister for the first time, she thought to herself:
"How sweet, but now her mother should come get her because she's crying and how do you even take the batteries out of such a thing??"
It took another week before she was completely in love!
"It was the hardest week of my life, but you wouldn't trade motherhood for anything!!" she said (She had 11 more after that!!
)
That's what I remember!!
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