Babbles
Family and friendship
VriendbrabbelGuest ·
Hi everyone,
I was wondering about the following:
I have a good friend who has a 1.5-year-old child with her husband. Since the child was born, I've noticed that our friendship has changed, which is also logical when you have a family. She finds it hard to let go of the child and rarely leaves him with her husband. Because of this, we rarely do fun things together like shopping, going to the cinema, etc. So I, as the single one, adapt easily. I always go to her place and keep an eye on the child so she can do her household chores. I adapt to the child's sleeping times and try to help as much as possible when needed because she struggles to let go of the child. She mentioned that she is in a different phase (motherhood phase) and actually regrets that it no longer aligns with mine (while I continuously adapt) or that she can't help me when I need help because she has a child and can only talk about child-related topics. I pointed out that it's not about phases but about letting go of your child. Of course, I don't want to interfere as a non-mother with her child's upbringing and understand that your family comes first, so I adapt. I'm wondering how to deal with this or whether to keep offering my help. I help when needed and know that I can't expect the same in return due to her child.
I was wondering about the following:
I have a good friend who has a 1.5-year-old child with her husband. Since the child was born, I've noticed that our friendship has changed, which is also logical when you have a family. She finds it hard to let go of the child and rarely leaves him with her husband. Because of this, we rarely do fun things together like shopping, going to the cinema, etc. So I, as the single one, adapt easily. I always go to her place and keep an eye on the child so she can do her household chores. I adapt to the child's sleeping times and try to help as much as possible when needed because she struggles to let go of the child. She mentioned that she is in a different phase (motherhood phase) and actually regrets that it no longer aligns with mine (while I continuously adapt) or that she can't help me when I need help because she has a child and can only talk about child-related topics. I pointed out that it's not about phases but about letting go of your child. Of course, I don't want to interfere as a non-mother with her child's upbringing and understand that your family comes first, so I adapt. I'm wondering how to deal with this or whether to keep offering my help. I help when needed and know that I can't expect the same in return due to her child.
Replies
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Marlies #2
I’d have a serious talk with her, letting her know that you don’t mind helping out sometimes. But that you’d also like to keep up a bit of friendship without kids.
She might know other women who were pregnant or have kids, and end up only talking about children. But it’s also really healthy for her to just be a woman sometimes, not just a mom. -
Chelsea #3
What a nasty situation
I had something similar myself, but with an acquaintance, so I didn't really stress about it. I didn't have kids or a relationship back then, just a dog. So whenever she talked about her kid, I'd share something similar about my dog, since there are overlaps in parenting stuff, like being consistent and not reacting to every little squeak and such. She'd just make that tired face, like "yeah, sure.." In my opinion, she was also too 'rigid' with her kid. I ran into her by chance at a birthday party a few weeks ago, her kid is 15 months now and still wakes up at night for breastfeeding. Wow. Not to judge or anything, but I think this is more on her than the kid, that they're so dependent on each other. -
Vriendinbrabbel Guest #4
Hi Marlies and Chelsea,
Marlies: She doesn't really have any close female friends, just acquaintances. I'm her best friend. But indeed, I should talk to her about having some time for friendship without kids. (Although I don't think that's going to happen now that she's so attached to her child.)
Chelsea: That's really tough for you to have gone through that. My friend is still breastfeeding her child, who's now 1.5 years old, but she's gradually weaning. I tried to make it clear to her that otherwise, her child will remain too dependent, but she insists on being right there every time to prevent him from falling, getting hurt, etc., but he's basically running the show now.
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