Forum Nice chat

Future grandma obsessed with baby

6 replies

FrancineGuest ·
Hi ladies,

I'm dealing with the following: my mom (future grandma) is completely obsessed with the arrival of our first little one. Whenever she's at our place, the conversation is only ever about the baby. On her Facebook, she posts things that are solely about our baby, and on top of that, she's flooding my page with messages.

I'm getting so incredibly stressed out by this that I've already asked my husband if he could put locks on the doors so she can't just barge in unannounced later on. She has a key to our house, which is why.

My mom and my brother have basically no relationship, and she doesn't see her other grandchildren, but I get the feeling she's using our little one to compensate for that. My mom is someone who can't take any criticism, so I can't even bring it up to her without causing a fight. Since the baby is only a few weeks away, I don't want to start any drama.

Does anyone have any tips on what I could do? Because she's so obsessed, I can't enjoy this time anymore and I'm just stressing about how things will go and how I can keep her away as much as possible.

Replies

  1. nicole 1979 #2

    I think you should talk to her about how you feel. Tell her what it does to you. That you really want to involve her, but that she’s unintentionally creating more distance. Talking is the best medicine. Good luck!

  2. Sas #3

    That's so lovely that your mom is so involved with the arrival of your baby. I don't have a mom who gets to experience that anymore... But I'd say it's amazing that she's looking forward to your little one's arrival, but that you also want some peace and quiet in the first period and would like to know when she's coming. There's really nothing wrong with that at all!!

  3. * #4

    Setting boundaries is very important and speak your mind..
    Don't walk around with a pent-up feeling.
    Good luck girl, I'm sure you can do it

    Love Ju or rather mavanmi

  4. Francine started this #5

    Thanks for your replies. I already tried to gently bring this up, for example: I mentioned that once the birth is over and we're allowed home for the first time, we don't want any visitors at the hospital or at home that day, so we can go through everything properly with the postnatal care nurse, etc. My mother, on the other hand, pointed out afterwards that three people would still come: yes, but the ones who are coming are your dad and me, and your in-laws... I told her three times that we didn't want that, and got the same answer three times.

    I then distanced myself from her because I got really angry about it, and I didn't want to say things I'd regret. But then I hear that she thinks I only ignore her and do fun things with my friends instead. I explained why to her, but she just won't see it. If I say something, she gets angry; if I say nothing, she gets angry. And if I let her do as she pleases, I get upset and really annoyed...

  5. nicole 1979 #6

    And how is your dad doing?
    Sometimes dads understand you better in this regard. Then I would have a conversation with him, just like you did with your partner.
    If she still doesn’t want to understand, you can mention that you feel compelled to increase the distance despite all your feelings. Stay true to yourself and definitely say what it does to you.

  6. * #7

    Optie, postpartum care is there to help you handle things like this.
    I had a really nice postpartum caregiver who kept visitors away and made it clear that I didn’t want any visits.
    You can discuss this with your postpartum caregiver and let them know what your wishes are, including that your mother isn’t really considering your wishes at all.
    I hope you manage to sort it out and still have a chance to talk about it. If needed, write it down on paper

    Good luck

Add your reply

Share what helped you, or ask a question.

Sign in to join the conversation.

Continue with Google

Takes a moment. You’ll come straight back here to reply.