Forum Baby wish

I really want a baby, but my partner isn't ready yet.

13 replies

Ag00g!
Hi everyone,

I've read a lot on different forums before posting my own story.
I'm dealing with the following. I'm 21 years old and have been working in disability care for almost 2 years now. My boyfriend is 29 and also works with people with disabilities. He's crazy about his nieces and nephews and a real sugar daddy! It's so lovely to see him with kids. Only he doesn't want kids of his own yet, I have a strong feeling that this is being put off and that there's always 'something' that means it's not the right time for him. I have three sisters-in-law who are all pregnant, and many people around me who are pregnant too. My feelings are getting so intense, the longing for a baby is so huge! I'd like to chat with people who are in the same boat and how you deal with it. I know I shouldn't talk about it too much because it only pushes him further away. So I decided to post a message on the forum myself! I hope for some nice conversations to get a bit more peace of mind.
By the way, I've stopped the pill but we're using a condom during sex now, he's very alert about that haha.

Greetings

Replies

  1. Koekoek #2

    Oh, this sounds familiar. Until about a year ago, my husband was exactly the same. I also stopped the pill earlier... well, we discussed it... but he was really focused on using condoms. Can you believe it...

    But then, out of nowhere, he stopped using them. We're now in round 9 and he says... we should've tried earlier. Now it's taking a while for him too, looking back.

    During all the months we used condoms, I kept track of my cycles so I knew exactly how many days it had been.

    I found it really hard because the desire was so strong, and it seemed like everyone around me was getting pregnant. So I completely understand how you feel.

    My experience has been patience... accepting it, and then suddenly it happens.

    Good luck.

    Love xx

  2. Ag00g! started this #3

    That's so lovely that you're sending a message!
    I've also stopped talking about the pill. How funny that it seems so similar. How did you do it? Just not talk about it? I find that quite difficult, so I'm really trying to keep my mouth shut.
    By the way, I've only just stopped taking the pill, so I still have to wait for my first period. I find that quite exciting, so I'm keeping track of the number of days etc. neatly.

    And what you say about you being at it for a little while now, I'm also thinking about that. It's and remains a miracle; it can just take a little while, so that's why I want to try it out as well and have the feeling that he thinks I'm already pregnant as soon as we stop using a condom.

    Love!

  3. Koekoek #4

    Good morning.
    I talked about it with my closest friend. That way I could let it out and didn't push my husband either.
    I did have one conversation with my husband about it though. I said I was struggling with something and wanted to share it but didn't dare because he might feel like he was pushing. Then he was willing to talk. We both said everything, fears, wishes, desires. And then agreed not to talk about it anymore and that he should indicate when himself.
    After all, I really don't want to lose my husband. My opinion was that I'd rather wait 5 years than lose him.
    And that worked.
    It was clear to me that he really wanted it, just not at that moment. It also gave me peace of mind that I didn't have to wait for maybe he will.. maybe he won't.
    Who knows, maybe it helps you.
    Good luck
    Love xx

  4. Ag00g! started this #5

    Thanks for your message!
    I've talked about it a few times with my partner, but nothing concrete has come of it.
    I can only make sure he indicates when he's ready.
    And chatting about babbling helps me let go of my feelings about it, so I don't have to tell my partner anymore. I notice that when I do, he pushes it away a lot, and I really don't want to push him either. I want us to go for it together and believe that you should make that decision together!
    So I'll wait patiently :-)
    I hope you get pregnant soon and your wish comes true!
    Love!

  5. Koekoek #6

    That's so sweet of you.
    Glad that babbling helps you. I find it works for me in fits and starts. After my period and before ovulation it's fine, but once the period is in sight I go crazy and you hardly see me here. Then everyone talks about testing etcetera and that makes me insecure. Haha, stupid really. I do read everything but sometimes it makes me grumpy. Then I just leave it for a while.
    Many here also have a shorter cycle than mine, mostly around 34. And I'm annoyed by that too haha. That means I have fewer chances per year. But well, only 1 needs to hit. I'll wait and see.
    Hope your friend changes his mind soon and stops using condoms.
    Rooting for you
    Love xx

  6. My1987 #7

    I had it for a long time too.
    I didn't try to talk about it with my husband either.
    Then in September I cautiously said that I wanted to stop the pill to try for a baby from January. In the end, that turned out to be fine. But I always had this feeling like, "Yes, but financially..." Then in November he bought a new PlayStation, and that was it for me. So we went for it in November.
    My husband would never have chosen to try for a baby on his own.
    He also suffers from an anxiety disorder, which got worse and worse.
    In July, we decided to put it on hold for now so he could get back on his feet a bit.
    But by the time I made that decision, I was already pregnant with our son.
    He's now 3 weeks old, and my husband actually thinks it's really nice now that he's here, and he's so sweet with him.
    I'm completely in love again.
    But because of his anxiety disorder, he was really dreading the birth. And I was induced unexpectedly at 37 weeks, which in the end was good for him.

  7. Ag00g! started this #8

    Haha, I can totally understand that, Koekoek.
    I still have to wait for my cycle to kick in since I stopped the pill, so my next one could come from early April, so I'm curious.
    Before I took the pill, I had a regular cycle, but I think this doesn't say much about how it'll be later on. So I already feel like a celebration if I get my period naturally for the first time again. It's a bit of confirmation that everything is still working well haha.
    Are you really focused on it being successful, or can you still relax and enjoy the idea that it could happen any moment? It does seem tough that once you're trying and you're on this forum, it can sometimes be frustrating and make you sad. Because you naturally read about women who are pregnant and completely happy. I think just enjoying it and not thinking too much about it is best, then it'll suddenly be successful! I'll also root for you haha

    MY1987, how nice that you posted a message!
    Seems really tough, also for your husband.. but it's nice to hear that it's going well now and you have a little one in your arms! Congratulations!

    I'm also hesitating whether to just keep my mouth completely shut or talk about it one more time, well, a tough choice. For now, I'll first see how long I can actually keep my mouth shut about it haha

    Love!

  8. DeeDee012 #9

    Oh, so relatable. It’s often the men who have these kinds of feelings, right?

    Here’s a man with ADHD, and when I really wanted a baby, I had to approach it carefully. I had an IUD and only wanted to have it removed when he was ready too. I was 24 and he was a year older. We had one really thorough conversation about it, and his answer was a direct no, not now. But that’s his standard answer for everything, so I told him I didn’t want an immediate answer. I wanted to share my feelings and let him think about it. A few weeks later, I casually asked what he thought, but he wasn’t ready yet. Half a year later, he suddenly said to just take the IUD out. So I immediately made an appointment and had it removed. I was in my 4th pregnancy round and it happened faster than expected, but what a good dad he is.

    And with the second one, it went exactly the same. Even though we already had one child. Again, it took several months before I could stop using contraception. This time it took 8 months before I got pregnant. It was round 5, but I suddenly had very irregular cycles. And now he’s enjoying it intensely too.

    My advice is indeed to wait until he’s ready. If you’re sure he wants children, he’ll come around on his own. And very occasionally, you can mention it casually, but not too often.

  9. Ag00g! started this #10

    Hi DeeDee012,
    Nice that you're posting a message!
    It's good to hear that you recognize this feeling. I find it such a bad feeling because it feels incomplete or something, due to the strong desire for children.
    I'm indeed letting it rest, seems like the best option, hopefully he'll think differently about it within a year... That seems like such a long time. I'll keep you updated anyway:-)

    Love!

  10. Tessa #11

    Hey!
    I’ve been through the same thing. I’m 21 and my husband is 26. We got married in September, bought a house, and for me, it was time for the next step—a little one. He said I was too young. Such a lame excuse—if I’m ready for it myself, what’s the problem? I was constantly thinking about it… In the end, I really told him I couldn’t wait another year and hoped he’d change his mind. At first, he wanted to wait 5 years. Then it was 2 years, then 1 year. And eventually, I stopped using contraception—I managed to persuade him. Basically, by constantly asking why he wasn’t keen on it. I think he started thinking about it and eventually was like, yeah, why not?

    Cheers!

  11. Ag00g! started this #12

    Hey Tessa! Nice that you left a message.
    That 'excuse' of being too young sounds familiar to me too. But that’s not really the issue anymore. It’s more about waiting until he feels the same way and has the desire, and you can’t put a time frame or date on that. So waiting makes it so hard because you don’t know where you’ll end up living or anything like that.

    Lately, it’s been going really well not talking about it. So I really just have to wait until he shows he wants to go for it. Sometimes it makes me sad, but there’s nothing I can do. I don’t want to push him or lose him, so I’m just waiting. I just hope I won’t have to wait for years. Just thinking about that makes me go pff

    And you? Are you in your first round now? Or have you been trying for longer? I hope it works out quickly for you!

    Greetings!

  12. Tessa #13

    I totally get how tough it is. And indeed, not knowing when he'll be ready will probably be even more frustrating.. It's good that you can let it go for now!
    We're currently in round 2
    Thanks, I hope so too ;D
    Greetings!

  13. Anne Guest #14

    Hi!

    I totally relate to this.
    I've been with my current boyfriend since March 2018, and for the past half hour I've had such a strong desire for a baby of our own.
    But my boyfriend wants to get married first.
    I've always said I want to be a young mom; I'm 26 now, turning 27 in October.
    Waiting is sometimes sooooo hard!

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