Babbles
Annoying mother-in-law
KimGuest ·
Hi...
I've been with an amazing guy for 2 years now and I'm happy with him.
But his mom has been trying to mess up our relationship for the past year (sorry for the language).
His mother has bipolar disorder and seems to use it as an excuse a lot.
They called my boyfriend 2-3 times a day asking what we were doing, how we were doing, what we bought, etc.
It felt very much like controlling, so I talked to my boyfriend about it and he discussed with her that she should call less.
Besides that, his mother came over twice a week for 8-9 hours at a time.
Since my boyfriend and I only saw each other on weekends and I wanted to do fun things together, I asked if she could maybe not come on Saturdays so we could go out.
All this was a bit awkward but eventually kind of accepted.
After a few months, his mother started causing trouble again and began to paint me as manipulative and spoiled.
Because of all this getting worse and worse, I asked my boyfriend if she could hand over her keys when we decided to live together because I didn't trust her and she would just come over whenever she wanted (my boyfriend agreed to meet her at 13:00 but she just came in at 11:00 because she wanted to).
It's been a year now and my boyfriend hasn't seen his mom for 2 months, there's barely any contact and when there is, it's almost always about me.
Because of everything, I've developed physical symptoms from stress but she doesn't seem to care.
As long as she doesn't break down, she'll keep going but if something goes wrong with her, it's all my fault and my boyfriend's family will blame me.
What on earth should I do about this situation??
I've been with an amazing guy for 2 years now and I'm happy with him.
But his mom has been trying to mess up our relationship for the past year (sorry for the language).
His mother has bipolar disorder and seems to use it as an excuse a lot.
They called my boyfriend 2-3 times a day asking what we were doing, how we were doing, what we bought, etc.
It felt very much like controlling, so I talked to my boyfriend about it and he discussed with her that she should call less.
Besides that, his mother came over twice a week for 8-9 hours at a time.
Since my boyfriend and I only saw each other on weekends and I wanted to do fun things together, I asked if she could maybe not come on Saturdays so we could go out.
All this was a bit awkward but eventually kind of accepted.
After a few months, his mother started causing trouble again and began to paint me as manipulative and spoiled.
Because of all this getting worse and worse, I asked my boyfriend if she could hand over her keys when we decided to live together because I didn't trust her and she would just come over whenever she wanted (my boyfriend agreed to meet her at 13:00 but she just came in at 11:00 because she wanted to).
It's been a year now and my boyfriend hasn't seen his mom for 2 months, there's barely any contact and when there is, it's almost always about me.
Because of everything, I've developed physical symptoms from stress but she doesn't seem to care.
As long as she doesn't break down, she'll keep going but if something goes wrong with her, it's all my fault and my boyfriend's family will blame me.
What on earth should I do about this situation??
Replies
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Anne #2
Pffft, oh my god, girl! I thought I had a hysteric mother-in-law and an annoying sister-in-law! How annoying!
I can't give you any good advice unfortunately, I always try to keep as much distance as possible from them and just let it slide! Unfortunately, you'll have to deal with them for the rest of your life! -
Kim started this #3
No, my boyfriend isn't happy about it either, and he tells her she's going too far, but she keeps going anyway.
He doesn't want to ban her from his life either, so we're stuck with it. -
Figaroa #4
Your mother-in-law has mood swings, so if you know she’s often down, you can pretty much assume that’s how she’ll act. You chose to go with her son, so you’re stuck with her in whatever state she’s in. So it boils down to: do you push through this, or do you bail? You decided to push through, so it’s a matter of trying to cope with her as best as you can, over and over again, or if your mother-in-law takes advantage of it—don’t know, could be. I don’t know if you’ve built a good relationship with her from the start. But honestly, mothers and sons, that bond is something many mothers can’t let go of. -
Kim started this #5
I find it too easy to say "tis and remains" his mother herself, I also have a very good relationship with my mother, but after I once said something wrong about my boyfriend, I didn't speak to or see her for a while until an apology came.
I accepted everything from her for a year and remained very nice, didn't say anything, bought groceries for her and her husband two days a week for a whole year, but didn't even get a thank you for that.
And many mothers know how to let their child go so they can lead their own lives, that's what should happen. -
Figaroa #6
What do you mean by "don't say it just happens"? There are two differences: either the umbilical cord was never cut. I’m definitely of the opinion that his mother remains his mother no matter what. If you already knew this beforehand and you’re continuing the relationship, you shouldn’t complain later. If your mom says something that doesn’t sit right with you, you can address it immediately since it only happened once, but yeah, that’s what I’d do. You get his family for free too; it can go great or not, and the same goes for your mom—she can’t choose your boyfriend/husband either, so don’t hold it against her. Again, if it was really TE what she said, you can address it right away instead of bottling it up for a year. What would you do with your own son or daughter? Would you just praise your boyfriend/girlfriend to the skies while feeling differently inside, or would you just be straightforward and honest about how you feel? And you shouldn’t constantly want a “thank you” for doing things out of love because that also makes a mess of your heart.
Have a nice evening. -
Kim started this #7
Apparently, you don't get the whole story. Having to hear from your mother-in-law every day that you're a shitty woman and a bitch and whatever else is apparently no reason for you to complain.
So everyone is different.
I would let my children be free in life; I don't decide who someone should date.
You may be a mother from a certain age, but you don't decide the things in your child's life; you can't control your child's life.
And I'm happy to help, but it's nice to get a thank you once in a while, instead of always expecting it and then complaining when it doesn't happen.
So I'm just asking for advice, so I don't need to hear from someone that I shouldn't whine because I chose this. -
Figaroa #8
You're posting your story here to complain about your mother-in-law, and you're doing it openly, so you should expect reactions, including ones you don't want to hear. Your mother-in-law has a disorder, you know that, so she's not easy to understand at all, and what you know, you indeed don't need to complain about. I would just ignore her instead of getting so worked up. After all, I'm not her daughter. And if you already know that it's no use helping certain people because they don't appreciate it, why not just let it go so you don't get annoyed? You indeed don't decide who someone should date, but you still want to be able to sit comfortably on the couch with your future daughter-in-law or son-in-law, after all, you'll get your grandchildren from that, if it comes to that. And if you don't have a good feeling about it, it really won't work out, and it could happen that you won't see your grandchildren. The choices you make in life, you really need to think carefully about, otherwise it can become a living hell and you'll keep getting annoyed. Without his mother, he wouldn't exist either.
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