Forum Feeding

scared to breastfeed again

14 replies

Sas
Hi everyone,

I'm almost 12 weeks pregnant with my second baby, but two things are on my mind, and one of them is that I'm really scared about breastfeeding again.
I had already discussed with myself and my husband beforehand that it would be better for the whole family if I didn't breastfeed. I only did it for 11 months with my first. But I went so far that I really broke down under the pressure.
My delivery was a bit of a close call, but I was determined to breastfeed, so from day 4 my little boy was already latching on. In the hospital, they warned me that given my delivery, it would be nearly impossible to make it work, but I knew it would. So while I was getting multiple bags of blood, I used my last bit of strength to put my little one on me. I have a natural talent for it, so I went for it, and the only thing that worked was breastfeeding, while my husband took care of the little one otherwise. I spent the entire postpartum period in bed. On day 10, I got a severe uterine infection. The infection made me half-hallucinate. I was on an IV drip in the hospital, and I still continued with BF.
After 3 months, I could do a bit again. As a result, I had 3 hip dislocations due to the delivery, and each time I had to rehabilitate for months. I often couldn't lift my son, and the BF and everything else happened mostly while lying in bed. Then, when I finally started to recover after 9 months, I got a severe breast infection that took 3 months to heal... So I breastfed for 11 months, but sometimes I still have a painful breast. I had to wean very slowly, so one morning I decided to stop when I and my son had a really nice moment together in the morning... And right now, I'm crying my eyes out because I just don't see myself breastfeeding anymore... I feel like such a bad mother...
What would you do?

Replies

  1. Sas started this #2

    oh and facts about breastfeeding I don't have any

  2. Sas started this #3

    I mean, listing the facts that it's the best for a child, I know that and I know the benefits too, so that doesn't need to be mentioned otherwise I wouldn't have taken so long, but unfortunately I also know the downsides...

  3. Miss Butterfly #4

    My breastfeeding with my first wasn't really a success. It eventually worked out for a few months. My daughter was a very slow feeder, so it wasn't ideal for her because it took her so much effort that she wanted to stop before she had enough, leaving her still hungry. I had an expert who thought it was pretty impressive that I managed to do it for so long. I was also so dehydrated throughout the whole period (even though I drank a lot) that my forehead just started peeling. Pumping didn't work out, which was quite strange given that sometimes it really flowed. Like many people, you (consciously or not) associate 'being a good mother' with 'breastfeeding'. Sorry, but that's nonsense!

    Naturally, breastfeeding is the best. It's healthy, tailored to your baby's needs, and the most adequate nutrition (provided that the mother takes care of her own diet and doesn't smoke or drink). Breastfeeding requires a lot of effort, and if it doesn't work out, it might not be the mother's fault (like in my case: as the expert said). If you get stressed just by the idea that you can't do anything else for the rest, you should ask yourself whether you can meet the baby's other needs. A baby needs more than just food. It's a trade-off you have to make yourself. A choice isn't definitive either. You can, for example, breastfeed for a shorter period (like I eventually managed to do).

    I'm dreading a second round of breastfeeding, but I think I'll still go for it. Each child is different, and with me, my daughter was a very difficult eater (she's now a year and a half old and, for example, doesn't want bottles anymore. I think she doesn't like milk or something... I really can't get her to take them). If it's difficult again, I'll look with the expert how sustainable it is and what we can do. I'll also have a conversation with her beforehand.

    As I said earlier: many women choose not to breastfeed. I breastfed for a short time myself (and got sideways glances from some), but it doesn't make you (or me) a bad mother. I'll give the opposite example: I work at a school where a lot of children at home deal with loose hands (and sometimes even up to police intervention). The moms there all breastfed, I think, but does that automatically make them better moms than me? Don't think so!

    So it's a matter of weighing what results in the best situation for you. A colleague of mine breastfed her two oldest herself. Then she had a third (her second son is severely disabled and requires a lot of care), and she really didn't feel like breastfeeding. So she didn't choose that, and I really understand that choice. It has to remain livable. She's not a worse mom for the youngest than for the other two, mind you.

  4. Sas started this #5

    I totally get what you mean!
    The fact that I couldn't take care of my little man was mainly due to the birth and later on, the misalignment of my pelvis. So in that sense, it made me feel like I could still do something instead of doing nothing, which made me feel more like a mother at that time, even though I couldn't do much back then.
    Of course, it doesn't make you a bad mom if you don't breastfeed. With my first, I did it wholeheartedly and stuck with it, but now it just doesn't work anymore... I don't understand that about myself.

  5. Sas started this #6

    Thanks for your reply, by the way.

  6. Miss Butterfly #7

    If you're going from no kids to one, you can probably let things slide much more easily, I think. Going for a second is harder because you've still got one running around demanding attention. So maybe it makes sense that it feels heavier: it is heavier. I'm not entirely sure yet either. My husband really wants me to do it, and the benefits are so great... so we'll probably try...

  7. Sas started this #8

    Yeah, that counts too! The first year was physically tough for me. And since there's still one around now, I want to take as few risks as possible so I can increase my chances of being able to care for them.

  8. kruimel #9

    Why make it difficult when it can be easy? Bottle feeding is a great alternative... You're not a bad mom if you use the bottle; your child will still grow!

    Congratulations on your pregnancy, and don't make it too hard for yourself

  9. Amy #10

    I'm generally pro-breastfeeding, but reading your story, I get the sense that you're dreading it. I'd suggest putting it on the back burner for now and assuming you'll go with bottle feeding if that brings you peace of mind. If you feel like breastfeeding after the birth, you can always do that then.

    In my opinion, you're already a great mom regardless of which feeding method you choose. You've already shown with your first child that you're a tough cookie.

    Hope things get physically easier for you with this baby.

  10. Sas started this #11

    Thanks for your clear responses!
    It might feel more like a guilt thing..
    I just find it really weird to raise my child on cow's milk..
    My husband decided yesterday.. I just couldn't do it

  11. madelene #12

    I've been breastfeeding my two girls.
    Honestly, I don't focus on how hard it is or how often it hurts.
    Yes, breastfeeding isn't just about enjoyment,
    which is what a lot of mothers think or assume.
    But I find the health and the bond I'm building with my baby so beautiful, more important than the downsides of breastfeeding.
    Plus, I love that only I can give this as a mother; the baby bonds even more strongly to me.
    Because the bottle isn't given by someone else.
    That's how I personally look at it.
    Greetings, Madelene

  12. Sas started this #13

    I’ve also started looking at formula feeding from a different perspective.
    Breastfeeding itself is amazing, and I don’t find giving it to be a burden.
    What I found difficult was the aftermath of my delivery and a mastitis that lasted for two months, which I still sometimes deal with. A mother who can still walk makes a huge difference; it’s probably hard to put yourself in someone else’s shoes when they’re bouncing around cheerfully after giving birth. I couldn’t even lift my own child, and now I have pelvic instability in this pregnancy. It’s also about the mother’s health, not just whether it’s “hard,” because for me, giving bf didn’t hurt at all, except during the infection, which I wouldn’t wish on anyone. And I also have a little boy who will be 2.5 soon; he also needs attention, and I want to be able to care for both. I’m already involved in that. I’m there myself, and while breastfeeding can be part of bonding, I think we all know that bf isn’t solely dependent on good bonding. I’ll decide who gives the bottle later . It’s about giving love, that’s what it’s all about
    Currently, I feel really good about my choice of formula feeding, especially now that I have severe pelvic pain again. Because giving bf also keeps your ligaments loose, which is crucial for me to take care of my kids..
    Thanks for your response anyway.

  13. Amy #14

    Does breastfeeding make your bonds loose? How do you know? I'm still breastfeeding myself and also had pelvic instability. My son is almost 14 months now and I notice it's much better but sometimes still limited. So I'd really like to know more.
    I'm glad you've found peace of mind about feeding. Seems like a well-considered and sensible choice.

  14. Sas started this #15

    Through my pelvic therapist... Because of the hormones..
    She never advised me to stop it though, but we did talk about it and
    when I stopped it also got better with my pelvis, I even had muscle pain afterwards because everything became tighter again, you know, it's so weird.
    It doesn't have to be like that for everyone, just like pelvic instability. I've had pelvic pain again since Monday so I was back with my pelvic therapist on Wednesday and now weekly contact.
    She already measured my pelvis for a pelvic belt due to my medical history.
    That's terrible that you also had pelvic instability.
    How are you doing now?

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