Still no success..

Hey girl, just let it all out, okay! We all understand how frustrating that is. With my cycle, it's the same story: I stopped the pill in October, and my cycles were always around 29 days. At the end of March, we decided to really go for it. And since then, my cycles have been over 40 days. And everyone around me is getting pregnant... not nice. Well, of course it's nice, but you get my point.

Fortunately, you can always find people here with the same story, that's really nice! If you want, check out the NOD topics!

Hey,

I'm in the same boat as you... everyone around me gets pregnant right away and it just won't work for me.
We've been trying for a year now...

Here’s a positive story!

I was with my partner for 4 years and tried for 2 years with no result! I have a very irregular cycle and it just wouldn’t happen. It was also tough at work, and everyone around me was pregnant. I started to break down and went to see a psychologist about it.

People say it’s easy to tell you not to worry too much about it, but when you’re ready for it, you can’t help but focus on it—it just happens. I completely understand how you feel. I’m 26 too, and I was in your exact shoes.

Eventually, I thought I’d do everything I could to make it happen:
- eat healthy
- quit smoking
- work less and rest more

Around ovulation, I’d lean against the wall, hold my hips, keep my legs up, and make it a workout by spreading my legs and bringing them back together for 10 minutes.

I had an appointment with the gynecologist and was supposed to wait for my period, then they’d monitor my whole cycle. But luckily, my period didn’t come, and I’m now 5 weeks pregnant!!
Normally, I get all sorts of symptoms, but this time it’s just swollen breasts. I can’t believe it! (After like 30 negative tests and months of trying, you don’t expect it to suddenly work, even though you hope for it every month.)

I hope you can find some peace in this. I eventually talked to people about it too, and I found out that many, many people don’t succeed within the first year!

I understand your worries, and venting really helps. I hope you become pregnant soon too. You’re definitely not alone, and there’s a good chance it’ll work for you too. Keep hoping!!

Love,

Relatable story, I'm 24 weeks pregnant now but we also waited 2 years.
I was really into it until my husband was hospitalized for a few days and we weren't thinking about it at all for a while. And then suddenly it happened. My tip: try to focus on other things than pregnancy and babies. Being too into it can actually have a negative effect. I know it's really hard but it's worth trying.

Hi Amara,

I can totally understand you... "not being so focused on it" seems almost impossible; because this is pretty much what you'd most like to fill your days with. Distraction always feels a bit 'empty'; because it's not what you'd really rather be doing. That's how I experience it at least...

In August 2012, our daughter was born. After a difficult pregnancy (hypertension from week 10, lots of medication and check-ups for that; growth restriction, too little amniotic fluid, eventually early pregnancy-induced hypertension) she was born via emergency C-section because she was running out of oxygen... My husband was just in time to see our little girl born.
For the first year and a half, I wasn't allowed to get pregnant again; my head wasn't in that place either. But by the time she turned two, the desire started growing in me. A bit less intensely for my husband; but since January, we've been actively trying. Currently in round 10...
And it's been a bit of a letdown, I have to say. Especially the last few times, I got quite sad when I ended up getting my period again. Now I'm a few days before my expected period and I notice the tension rising again... I assume it's not happening; I'm also distracting myself a lot... and yet you feel that unconscious tension creeping back in.
It's mainly such a letdown because with our daughter, it happened after just two cycles after stopping the pill. Now I haven't touched the pill for over 2 years, I'm 18kg lighter than when I got pregnant with her... And it hasn't worked out so far. I'm starting to lose a bit of confidence! Even though I have regular cycles of 27-30 days; I can clearly find my ovulation; I track the temperature difference (measured for the first time this month)... No pregnancy yet. And oooh, it can be so frustrating; sometimes I think it'll never work out again. So I definitely relate to your story; you're not alone!

I actually don't know; it could naturally be caused by that...
But we haven't been to the doctor yet; so officially I don't know anything about it. We've put that off a bit for ourselves; but if it keeps going like this, I think we'll make first contact around there after December. I just find it psychologically still quite a thing, you know, to step into that. "Step" feels big! A bit dizzy from "where are you getting yourself into". And the feeling of; this just can't be necessary, because our daughter was here so quickly (well, the pregnancy then). At the postpartum check-up everything looked fine back then. Yes, a big scar (25 cm, larger than the bikini line and on the left side of my belly also higher than the bikini line).. And my blood vessels etc needed time to get back to normal after so many weeks/months of enduring high pressure.
So maybe we just need to have patience, or... Well; I don't need to explain that overthinking to you.

It could naturally be that I've developed adhesions or something after the C-section. I can't say I notice it; and according to stories online you would (notice severe) adhesions in your menstrual cycle and complaints; and I don't have any of that at all. Neatly every four weeks; every x around day 13-16 tested for ovulation... Yeah, you start getting all sorts of things in your head.
Or whether pregnancy hypertension and early pre-eclampsia can cause lasting damage regarding fertility I actually don't know. The only thing I was told about that is that the chance is very high that history repeats itself in that regard; especially because I had hypertension so early on. Well; I take that into account beforehand. And the chance of a normal delivery is minimal, because the contractions didn't contract my uterus well and our girl got distressed. Well, I'm currently really at peace with a second C-section!
Right now I'm mentally at a point where I'd crawl on my knees and go through all that misery again... Before it was a hurdle; but now really not anymore (ok, maybe if I'm in it and it disappoints me after all; but still...)

I try to relativize it every time again; we're now in round 10, soon 9 months of trying... It could really still happen! A doctor will basically only start looking further after a year, I was told... I want to show that patience too; and somewhere also still ('fear of cold water' or whatever) longer... But I do notice absolutely that it's becoming more of a thing now. Seeking distraction usually goes okay; but the emotional side when you still get your period I'm feeling now. And unnoticed tension now, hey, the days before my PERIOD. Not even consciously; more unconsciously actually.

When did you guys go to the doctor? And how did that start go?

Classic story, girl!
Last November I had my first miscarriage. Unfortunately, last May I had my second. Meanwhile, it seems like "everyone" is pregnant.
You often hear that you should let go of it a bit. It'll come naturally. Easy to say than done, right?
I don't sign up for the NOD groups either. It's always a disappointment having to wait for the next month again.

Ugh... period again. Ugh, I'm feeling really down right now. I need to pick myself up today and gather some new strength...

It is indeed super irritating, especially with one pregnancy announcement after another... one baby after another... and then people say 'you shouldn't worry about it so much'; if you guys know how to switch that button off, I'd love to hear it! I'm always curious how many people who are waiting are actually NOT so focused on it...

A few more times and then we'll go through the doctor's process. It's quite different this time, so I find it pretty nerve-wracking. And that idea of 'it's officially a problem' now... feels like quite a thing too. Today is just a frustrating day; hopefully, I'll have better spirits tomorrow!

This is just a question, really...
But maybe you don't get pregnant because your body just isn't ready for it...?? That's what I always thought.
I didn't expect to get pregnant after a 4-month relationship either, since I have quite a few issues with my body, but I always blame my body for things like that... And in those first 4 months, I was really focused on hoping not to get pregnant so soon... If I could have, I would have said, "Here, you can have my pregnancy..." My pregnancy has been very tough so far, so I really wish it for both of you...

I hope it works out for you both...

Make it romantic, do something fun, get into the mood. Maybe it'll work if you're super relaxed.

Good luck to you two, and a big hug.

As you read here Amara, you're not the only one where it didn't work out right away, although it sometimes seems that way when you look around. And that hurts a lot. I've also heard the painful comment: "You just shouldn't be so focused on it" far too many times. It's well-intentioned, of course, but you can't do anything with it.

My husband and I spent a year trying, and then our GP referred us to the fertility clinic. My husband's sperm was fine, and my uterus and fallopian tubes looked good too; there were even many small follicles visible. According to the fertility specialist, those weren't mature yet, and I'd be getting a long cycle again. She couldn't tell us why it wasn't working. However, just like with you, my cycle was very regular for the first few months and then suddenly wasn't anymore. I even had cycles of more than 40 days. The doctor suspected I might have PCOS. After drawing blood, we were allowed to go home and come back 4 weeks later, when she'd have a treatment plan. And you might guess already, right before that appointment, I found out I was pregnant! At the dating scan, it turned out that conception had happened only 2 days after that scan. The fertility specialist couldn't believe it, did an ultrasound right away, and there we saw the gestational sac! I know all too well the impatience and especially the pain you feel when someone else in your circle turns out to be pregnant again. I hope you'll also be surprised by a positive test soon. Don't lose heart

Oh wow Amara, what a story! Really a huge rollercoaster; I can feel it through your message... How heartbreaking... so much hope and yet; not again. I wish I could have spared you the pain! Sounds truly awful... Especially when your test shows a faint positive (did the gynecologist have an explanation for that?) and then you come crashing down from such a high. Heavy... Strength!!

I'm glad for myself that I haven't experienced that point yet. I haven't had that much hope before; I had a suspicion on one of the first occasions that something was going on... Many symptoms were the same as when I was first pregnant with our daughter... and then I got my period a little over a week early. No idea if there was actually something going on or not. But for the other months, I didn't really feel pregnant. But I find the disappointment/feeling of failure bad enough already; so I can imagine you need to pick yourself up, shift gears, and gather your courage again for a new round...

Your cycles are indeed quite long! Is it different for you too?
For me, it's usually four weeks... sometimes a few days longer; and once in a while a few days shorter. So far in 2015, I've had 10 rounds, let's say. Not really irregular...

Strength, girl; we'll gather new courage again! Every day that passes is a day closer to your much-wanted miracle... Good luck!!

Yeah, I really had huge ups and downs these past few days.. Now it's getting better again to let go a bit and face things again. I didn't ask the doc anymore what the cause of that faint line could have been. After he said the test was negative, I just wanted to put my phone away.

It's so painful to feel that happiness for a moment and have so much hope, only to feel the ground drop from under your feet less than a day later. Luckily my guy was there for me, I could really lean on him. Plan your schedule full for a few days so you don't even have time to fall into a negative spiral and just enjoy each other's company :-) That worked wonders.

Since I stopped the pill I had a regular 28-day cycle for a long time and suddenly it shifted to 37 days for a year. And now it's been fluctuating between 29 and now 38 days for a while.
Very annoying to try to figure out when exactly ovulation happens and hope that I don't start testing too late or that I test long enough.

Indeed! And let's just hope that day comes very soon for everyone here!

Hey Amara,
How are things going for you now?
I got my period again today I'm a bit down about it; though I didn't really have any hope that it would work out... Maybe we'll contact the GP this cycle; or maybe wait for another one... I'm not sure yet. I don't even know what the best time is in your cycle, or if it matters at all...

Just checking in again, Amara... I got my period today; for the 12th time in a row, unwanted. So frustrating...

Yesterday (I could already feel it coming), I had a good talk with my husband, and we decided together to take the medical route. First of all, to find out if there's something preventing us from conceiving; secondly, to start possible treatments. But above all, we want to 'do something' about every disappointment and that 'why me?' feeling. Rule things out; get some certainty...

I think we'll call next week and then schedule the first appointment in the coming weeks. No idea how fast (or slow) everything will go from there. I'm really hoping that the final outcome will be a baby... I'm a bit scared of everything that lies ahead; I hope we can take it one moment at a time...

How are things going for you in the meantime?