My husband's past is suddenly coming after me again.

Hi anonymous,
I was in a very similar situation myself. When I started dating my husband, he was already married. He was very honest about it from the very beginning.
But the funny thing is, I could just tell. I said to him, "You're married."
He was surprised and asked, "How did you know?"
I said, "Yes, I'm married. I have a family with a 2-year-old son."
I just felt it. I can't really explain it.
When I got to know him, at the beginning, I had just come out of a rough patch. He comforted me and supported me immensely; he helped me get through that bad time.
That touched me deeply, and I fell in love with him. I started wanting to give him everything.
But unfortunately, he was married. A few months later, he mentioned that things weren't going so well in his marriage, but he didn't want to divorce because they hadn't been married that long—only two years.

One afternoon, it was beautiful weather, somewhere in spring. I went to the park, but I was upset because I had gotten into an argument with my cousin, with whom I always had such a strong bond. I went to the park feeling sad. The weather was beautiful, but I didn’t even notice it. I was completely overwhelmed. I sat down on a bench, and after a while, I felt a hand on my shoulder. He asked me why I looked so gloomy on such a beautiful day. "Oh dear," I thought, "I need to keep my distance. I’m too in love." Then I said, "Hi, no, nothing’s wrong. I’m just tired. I’ll head home soon."

"No," he said, "you’re not tired. Clearly, something is bothering you. Do you want to open up?"

I leaned against his heart, but well, that wasn’t allowed because he was married.

How guilty I felt for having trouble with that.

Then he sat down next to me and said, "Come on, let it out."

I started telling him about the argument with my cousin.

He said, "How beautiful. He thought I could express my feelings, and that she, unfortunately, never could."

Months went by so fast.
Until he finally admitted it, after 2 years of having feelings for me. He said you touched me, you can express your feelings and emotions so beautifully and purely, you don't see that often.
One evening it happened. He helped me because I was in the depths and crying. He put his arm around me and we started kissing.
That night I got pregnant. After he had admitted his feelings for me after 2 years, we secretly started doing things together, going to the beach,
into the city.
But my parents thought he wasn't married, they didn't know.
I felt ashamed of myself.
And felt very deeply guilty towards his wife.
But I got pregnant. He was shocked, had a terrible time with it at first, and after a few more months, before the first ultrasound,
he made a decision. Leaving his family is hard, but I want to raise this child with you.
His wife was so angry that he hasn't been allowed to see his son, who is now 14, until now.
To make a long story short:
You're not alone. I felt very guilty and like a bad person, but in the end, it had to be this way.

We've been married for 12 years now and have 2 little girls.
We're very happy and he's super, never goes out with friends, works hard for our family.
Never goes out unless it's just with me.
Helps the kids with everything, just a great guy.
So maybe it had to be this way that he went with you, nothing happens without a reason.
You're not the only one, I know the guilt feeling.
But otherwise my sweet little girls wouldn't be here now.
And your baby.
Greetings, Madelene

Super that you wanted to share this with us, by the way.
Sorry for the many messages, but the internet kept going out.

What I actually wanted to add here is that you should never think in terms of "he wouldn't cheat on me anyway."
Because it depends on why he chose to be with you.
Sometimes, even if it's never fully justifiable, you fill in something that a man lacks in his own wife.

It’s often for a reason that a man does this; they often end up lacking in their own marriage, where they might not feel honest enough to admit what they’re missing. But they find it unconsciously with you.

With my husband, it was that his wife could never express herself properly and always preferred to do everything herself. She never really needed him for anything, was cold, and always hid her feelings.

But that’s exactly what most men want to see in a woman: her purity and softness.

He found that in me. I’m sensitive, but at the same time strong, and I can easily express my feelings to him when needed.

So that’s what he was missing in his previous marriage.

But that’s basically how you should see it.

A man doesn’t deceive, as is often thought, just because he’s a man.

No, he often finds something in another woman because he’s missing something at home.

So appreciation is very important, and letting him feel that you need him.

And especially admiration and lots of appreciation.

Then another woman doesn’t stand a chance in those areas.

Because that’s often what a man is missing in his marriage, which gives another woman a chance.

Greetings, Madelene

Okay, but don't cry when he does the same to you with another woman, because gosh, he missed out on something with you, so it'll probably be your fault, right? Just bury your head in the sand. If things aren't going well in his marriage and he has feelings for you, he'll FIRST leave his current wife before starting anything with you. So SIMPLE, yes, it's that simple!