Forum 3rd trimester

Help. Sister-in-law is here during the postpartum period.

6 replies

123456Guest ·
Hi everyone.
I'm 38 weeks pregnant now and already have a 3-year-old son. This week we found out that my sister-in-law and her husband are splitting up. They're waiting for their new-build house to be finished, and their old house is already sold. They're currently living temporarily with their daughter in their caravan.
Since they're splitting up and she has nowhere else to live, and we have an extra room, my boyfriend said she could come here.
I'm really dreading it. I'm genuinely stressed about it. It basically means she and her daughter are coming to live with us during my postpartum period. I'm not looking forward to it at all. Especially for our son, and for us too. Such a postpartum period is already intense enough without having 2 extra people in the house. I want to enjoy my postpartum time with my family and make sure everyone finds their footing. I don't need 2 more people around whom I have to adjust anyway. My boyfriend doesn't think it's ideal either, but he feels he has to say yes because he can't bring himself to say no. Am I a really bad person for saying I don't want this? Even though I want to help them, I don't think I should have to walk on eggshells during my postpartum period. By the way, it looks like they'll have to stay here for a few months. ????

Replies

  1. Hato #2

    Hi 123456 First of all, congratulations on your pregnancy and good luck with your delivery. Personally, I’d also prefer to spend my postpartum period just with my husband and baby. I have a husband who’s protective of his family, so if I were in the same boat as you (heavily pregnant, second child, sister-in-law going through a divorce), my husband would probably have said she could stay with us. I wouldn’t like that either, though. Your postpartum time isn’t always comfortable—just after giving birth, you’re exhausted, maybe you had a difficult delivery, you’re still getting used to your baby, you’ve got another child at home who needs attention, and on top of that, your sister-in-law and her daughter are there. She’s about to get divorced and is probably in a tough spot too. Her child also has to get used to a new home. Not exactly the situation you’re looking forward to, right? I can’t really say anything because I know my husband’s point of view and I don’t want to argue right before I give birth over third parties. I would, however, expect him to handle things with his sister so I don’t have to deal with stress or anything like that, and so I can have a pleasant postpartum period. That’s the least he can do. I know everyone’s situation is different, but I’d recommend making your feelings clear in a good way without giving him the impression that you don’t want his sister staying with you. Arguing about it would be unnecessary. Anyway, lots of luck during this time, and I hope everything goes as you wish!
  2. Tooby #3

    I actually have two opinions, both for and against having them move in..
    Against:
    Of course you can't judge other people's relationships (so if you're reading this, I'm basing my opinion on the assumption that there's no domestic violence), but what I don't understand is..if they've been together for so long, why can't they just keep living together until a suitable place has been arranged for both parties?
    Every marriage has periods of arguing and even hatred; those who don't move out just stay together, which is nice, otherwise well..forcing yourself on someone who is heavily pregnant, I would never do that.
    For:
    It is busier, of course, but on the other hand you can make good use of it. You can rest more and let them do most of the household chores (as thanks too). It seems to me that she will do this anyway, but still. Also, you have someone in the house who is also a mother, whom you can talk to if something comes up, although I don't know what your relationship is like, of course.
    I would mainly not adapt too much; they should adapt to you.

    Personally, I wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut, but if it's really already decided, then it might be better for the relationships to tell them how you feel, but to accept it, otherwise it will become such a tense atmosphere in the house.

    Anyway, lots of success with your delivery, the postpartum period, and with the extra people in the house!
  3. Femke Guest #4

    Oh my goodness! I would also have such a hard time with that (and my husband probably would have done the same)! Is there anyone else in the family who could free up a room? Could they maybe sleep in the caravan for a week starting from birth?
    It's your maternity week, and you only get to experience it once. Keep talking to your husband and look for a solution together. If your husband knows that you really struggle with this, he'll probably change his mind too. Wishing you all the best!
  4. proud_mommy #5

    Not meant to be rude, but I'm not going to make someone else's problem my own. So I'm not bringing anyone into my house if I don't want to. Don't they have parents? They should be taking care of their kids. I'm absolutely against having someone move in with me. Then I'd have zero privacy.
  5. Tooby #6

    For my wedding, my brother-in-law and sister-in-law were there for 3.5 days, absolutely terrible.
  6. proud_mommy #7

    I wouldn't want that either, honestly. I'm okay with staying over for one night, but that's it. I'm happy to help someone out, but not like this. My mother-in-law was suggested to move in with me, and honestly, you could shoot me right then and there—I really wouldn't do that. I'd rather live with my parents again.

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