So terribly anxious about the birth

I think you should just let it come to you. If you start thinking about things like this, your anxiety won't really decrease anyway . I'm currently 30 weeks pregnant with my first baby. I'm afraid she might be born too early, or that she isn't healthy, or that her little heart will stop beating at the last moment. The pain of childbirth can't be worse than one of these things happening to me. For my little girl, I'll definitely do my best to be strong. I can only advise you to enjoy your baby in your belly right now and stop stressing Good luck!

I had the exact same thing, but I’ve now got 2 books at home, so the anxiety has disappeared, and I’m looking forward to them rather than dreading them.
The first one is: Hypnobirthing: The Mongan Method: A Natural Approach To A Safe, Easier, More Comfortable Birthing (with cd)
The other one is: Ina May's guide to Childbirth...
Both are really nice, like you can prepare yourself a bit for what’s going to happen. I say this while I’m pregnant with my first, so I obviously can’t really speak from experience. But still, I believe that a birth trauma can be prevented by consciously engaging with your birth now and learning to understand the process exactly. Good luck!

If you're really that scared of giving birth, it can help to talk to a psychologist or maybe contact a doula, or do the hypnobirthing course as mentioned above. Birth is a very exciting thing, but it should become the worst thing in your head. During labor, you become incredibly strong and can really handle it, and once you have your baby in your arms and you're used to the new situation, you'll forget about your birth again.
But... if you really have a big fear about it, I would talk to someone, so you'll go into labor more calmly and you'll be able to put everything into perspective faster after your birth.
Good luck!!!

Come on girl... maybe it won't be that bad after all...
Honestly, I have a LOW pain threshold :-P I get panicky very quickly... when I'm in real pain I can't control my body well because I'm so panicky...
BUT my first birth was an emergency C-section... and I got through it well despite afterpains etc.
The second birth went normally... not exactly smooth sailing either... but you have some gut feeling or something hihi... and you really get through it girl... at that moment you really can! No matter how much pain... I didn't have any pain relief.. and was just amazed at myself that I had endured this ;-)
Every birth is different as mentioned above.. so if someone tells you it's 100000 times worse and it's a HELL... well that might be true but it doesn't have to be for you girl!
They told me too about contractions I thought I wouldn't survive this LOL... I barely felt them until my waters broke.. arrived at the hospital and was already 7 cm... ;-)
See, I was also worked up for nothing...
You're stronger than you think, especially at that moment!
Good luck!

I'm pregnant with my second now, and I'm really dreading the birth. It's because I had extreme pain during my first. With my first, I wasn't really looking forward to the birth until my waters broke, and then it was nothing.

Now, with me, I begged for pain relief, but they made me wait another hour. When I finally got it, I got a pump, but I had just as much pain with it as without.

Now, I've already told my midwife a few times that I'm really scared of giving birth. But I don't feel taken seriously regarding the amount of pain I've experienced. It's also a very long story about how my birth went.

But now, how am I going to solve this?

I'm going to write a birth plan. I want them to take me seriously, and if I ask for pain relief, I want to get it. I've also made sure my husband is well-informed that he should stand up for me. Next week, we're going to discuss the birth with the midwife.

I hope you find out exactly where your fear lies and what your solution would be.

Hello ladies,

I totally understand that fear. I'm pregnant with my first too, and my due date is in about 8 weeks. I think it's only unpleasant for yourself if you hear and/or read those negative stories. So I skip those posts or forget them quickly (created a bit of an "East Indian deafness and blindness". Every birth is different and can't be compared to another. Everyone has their own pain threshold and experiences things in their own way. I also think you get a kind of adrenaline rush when you need it. Not saying you'll roll through your birth pain-free, but I think we women are certainly built to bring a child into the world. Our bodies also need those 9 months to prepare for the arrival of a baby, and that's not just about the baby's growth.

Maybe your midwife can tell you more about what's happening in your body, which substances are released for you and the baby during birth, what pain relief options there are, and what different birthing methods exist. And of course, I mean general information, not the "ghost stories" from others.

Wishing you lots of success with preparing for your birth!!!

Greets,
Anne

It's terrible that you're so scared!!
It's also true that stress and anxiety increase the pain and slow down labor.
For me, it's my first time, and people are surprised that I watch as many labors as possible on TV and don't want to worry about the pain.
After all, I've seen many labors that were really painful, but none of them gave up or died, fainted, or anything like that.
I think I'll be very inward-focused.

The book "PREGNANCY AND LABOR" says the following:
Why does labor hurt?
Pain has an important function during labor:
it is your best tool and guide during labor.
We are a highly developed species with a large skull filled with large brains, which we use to think.
But those large brains are mainly in our way during labor,
because conscious thinking hinders labor.
(That's why most labors start at night, when the large brains are switched off)
Pain essentially puts the large brain on standby, allowing hormones and all the chain reactions that stem from it to do their job optimally, so that the uterus can contract as powerfully as possible.
Pain thus keeps labor stable.

The pain of contractions causes the body to produce the morphine-like substance: Endorphin.
This removes the negative effect of stress hormones, allowing the contraction hormone Oxytocin to work more effectively on the uterus.
Endorphin also has a pain-relieving effect on the baby.
An ideal labor is therefore a labor with pain!!
So: the more pain you have, the more endorphin you produce, the better for your baby.

I meant, of course, that it shouldn't become the worst thing in your head. Sorry for the confusion!

Hi!

I also spent a long time dealing with those feelings of fear, but they're completely gone for me now.
Try not to focus on all the horror birth stories you hear or read. As everyone else says, every birth is different, and unfortunately, you just tend to come across more negative stories than positive ones.
This is my first one too, so I can't say I had it easy, because I'm still in the middle of it (32 weeks, almost 33).
On the other hand, I did hear from a good friend about her birth, and she didn't have any issues at all. The worst she had was a bit of menstrual-like cramping, 3 pushes, and her first baby was out.
So it can also happen very quickly and smoothly, and almost painlessly! Try not to get yourself worked up, and if you want, search for positive birth stories online; you'll see there are plenty! Let it wash over you & keep in mind that you're not 100% alone in this! If you're having a home birth, there's an experienced midwife present who really won't let you suffer from the pain, and in the hospital, there are plenty of options to ease the pain if it doesn't go as planned! You're not alone & if all births were really that painful... why would women want more than one child?

I know it's easier said than done, but try to enjoy it! This will become a beautiful experience for you too, and your birth will be unique!
Cheer up, girl! You can do it! We all can!

Thank you, ladies, for your responses.

Just let it happen, okay! I did the same with the first one. You can't really imagine it anyway, and no one can tell you how it's going to go for you. Just experience it, and it'll definitely work out! I did the same!

Maybe you'll find the book Hypnobirthing by Marie F. Mongan helpful. This book can really reassure women who are afraid of giving birth.

Coincidentally, I'm participating in a study about young mothers ("A Good Start", and I often see a coach there. I recently spoke with one who also has her own practice as a therapist, where she often helps women who are terrified of giving birth. I mentioned that book, and apparently, she's very enthusiastic about it and regularly recommends it to those women.

Try to make your birth a beautiful experience Your body is built for it, and you can totally handle it! Too much fear and stress can actually make your labor last longer.

Anyway, I definitely recommend that book. I'm not afraid of giving birth myself, but the relaxation exercises in it and the CD are great—I'll be using them a lot during my own birth

Hi Katie, congratulations on your pregnancy. That fear is totally understandable. Try to relax as much as possible and just be “in yourself.” I think it’s good that you’re not overly romanticizing childbirth: things can always go differently than you expect. I swear by an epidural—it’s the only thing that really helps with the pain, but they don’t like giving it because it can reduce your contractions. I’d really insist on it or discuss it beforehand with your midwife. The injection itself is a breeze, even though I thought all my life I’d die if I ever had to get one. Bottom line: you can handle more than you think, and make sure you (or your partner) stand your ground when it comes to pain relief. You don’t have to go without it.

I'd like to add something to that: it's not true that epidurals reduce contraction activity. It's also not true that they increase the chance of a medical delivery (as I was incorrectly told at the information evening). Unfortunately, not all midwives are up to date with recent research. The concentration of the anesthetic fluid is much lower nowadays, which means fewer risks. Often you still feel some pressure from the contractions, but the worst pain is gone.

I only had one point in my birth plan, and that was: I probably want an epidural, and when I'm ready for it, I don't want any discussion. When the moment came, my waters broke just before midnight. I had regular contractions from 2 am, and by 7 am I was ready to go to the hospital for an epidural. I slept comfortably for a few hours until I was fully dilated. After that, I had extra stimulation because the baby was still too high (contraction-inducing drugs), but I barely felt anything during that either. I hardly felt any pain during pushing either. I would definitely choose an epidural again.

It's a shame that it's often written about negatively. It's truly a blessing, in my opinion! It's already pretty intense and exhausting enough, so why not let yourself be helped a little?

A spinal block can take the edge off, but unfortunately, it didn't work for me. A major downside of an epidural is that it can cause mothers to develop a fever during labor. If that happens, the baby always has to be admitted overnight to the neonatology ward to be monitored for any signs of infection. I work in neonatology myself, so I do have some knowledge about this.

For some women, it's a lifesaver, but unfortunately, not for a large number of them. Research has shown that for some women, an epidural during labor doesn't have the same effect as it does for pain after surgery.

So, I wouldn't choose it again. I gave birth once more after that, without an epidural, and it was so much better for me. No catheter, no fever, and my baby was allowed to stay with me without being admitted

Congratulations on your pregnancy Regarding your anxiety, I'd suggest talking to someone at the POH-GGZ. Your fears might get worse during pregnancy; I struggled with this until about 27 weeks. Not for the birth itself, but other anxieties. The POH-GGZ helped me a lot with this. They wanted to refer me to the maternity clinic at some point, but I wasn't brave enough. As for the birth, you never know how it'll go. Try to approach it openly. My birth plan: everything necessary for our health. Contractions aren't fun; sometimes they're quite intense. But you know, when the contractions start, you mainly realize that you're really close to meeting your little miracle. I had two completely different births. With the first, the epidural worked wonders, and I barely felt anything. No complications or anything, just lovely. With the second, I wanted to go to the hospital for an epidural, but less than an hour later, I already had my son in my arms. The birth lasted less than 3 hours, while the first one took 14 hours. After both, I quickly forgot the pain. I was almost proud of myself for the last birth What helped me was not sitting still, and especially breathing/panting well. Not stressing or panicking, but panting away and walking. I wouldn't worry too much about the pain; you can also see it as: with the birth comes an end to all this pregnancy pain It goes well much more often than it goes wrong, but people whose births are extraordinary tend to blog about it more. And that pain, it's not fun, it can be intense, but it's no hell. And during the birth, you're likely in your own bubble, not getting much input, and certainly not always conscious. That bubble is lovely (I think). You can do it, girl, and if it feels right for you, just talk to someone about it. No shame at all; it's only nice and good if it helps you.

Is the fear realistic?
No! You've never experienced it yourself. And all the "stories" are just other people's experiences!
Let it wash over you, take some time for yourself, and try to meditate every evening.
Enjoy your baby who's still cozy in your belly. Try not to dwell on it.
An appointment with your GP or a supporting nurse at the practice can also help!
Talk about your fear with your partner, friends, or parents.

I've already had an epidural twice and was very happy with both. I was able to sleep normally both times. The first time, it wasn't placed perfectly and I still felt quite a bit in my legs, but that was quickly resolved. The second time went without any issues. In April, I'm giving birth for the third time, and the epidural is at the top of my list. Why suffer when it can be so painless?

But not all labors are painful! Every labor is different..
And with an epidural, you have to want it! I find an IV drip nothing to sneeze at, let alone a needle in your back!
Brrrt
You really need to try to get your thoughts out of your head and think positively, meditation or talking helps. If you don't feel heard by your midwife, there are plenty of other healthcare providers you can turn to, and I would definitely choose a different midwife!